NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

Did the Narcissist Really Love You? Here’s How to Know for Sure

Wondering if the narcissist ever truly loved you?In this episode, we unpack what narcissistic “love” really is, why it feels so convincing, and how to finally tell the difference between real love and control. If you’re stuck in confusion, this truth-packed episode will give you the clarity—and closure—you deserve.
💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY:
You're not meant to heal alone.Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group!✨ Join here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
🎁 FREE RESOURCE:
Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral.Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
👑 Work 1:1 With Me
Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power?📅 Book a private session:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:00)Alright, Queens, welcome back to narcissistic abuse Recovery. We're going to keep it real and raw today. Well and always. So let's just get real here. Many of us get out of a toxic relationship and we spiral, right? It's normal, it's okay. Take a breath. We've all done it, but we're haunted by. But did they ever really love me? And I'm going to say something hard, but I love you and I'm going to say it with truth and compassion here. They may have loved you in a way that's different. It's more about how you make them feel, which we can relate to in a little bit. But they're all about the ego. So their form of love is truly about loving what they're gaining. It's feeding them. They loved what you gave them. The real love, that healthy type of love, that kind that sees you, values you, uplifts you.
(02:10)That's not what they have to offer. That's not the love they provide, and you deserve that, right? Of course. So what real love looks like versus narc love, real love, and you might want to write this down, you might want to go back to this. Keep this in your notes. When you are entering new romantic relationships or new friendships or any type of relationship with anyone you'll be spending time with in any form feels safe, it feels steady, it feels respectful. It feels supportive of your growth. They want to see you do well narcissists often, and it goes both ways. It's give and take. It's not take, take, take. So narcissistic love feels like a wild ass roller coaster, high highs, low lows, light, dark. It always ends up in the dark though. That's the bad news. With the narcissist, it will always go back to dark.
(03:22)It feels transactional. It can be obsessive and possessive, right? You are a property to them in a way. You are a possession of theirs. So it can feel like that where it might feel good to you in a way. Maybe you kind of like the feeling when they get jealous. It's like, oh look, they're showing they love me. That's not love by the way. But we can view that in these situations as a type of them showing their love that catches. That's not love, that's just the control, right? And it's centered on control, not connection. I'm going to say that part again. Their love is centered on control, not connection with you. I want that to sink in because I think that for me was something when I realized that myself was like, wow, we did not connect in the way I needed. I was always wanting more.
(04:28)There was something missing, and that's a big element that misses when you're with a narcissist so they don't fall in love with you. They become, especially in the beginning, obsessed with the supply you represent. We're talking about that feeding you, feed them how you maybe made them feel admired, powerful. They love people who accommodate them, who compliment them all the time, who blow their egos up. So if you're an empath, if you've got a huge heart, if you are expressive with your words, if you put things aside for yourself to support them always and they don't reciprocate that, that is that uneven supply they're getting, right? You're essentially a mirror for their ego. So it's not a partnership. Narcissists cannot be in a healthy true partnership. So how do they weaponize love as control narcissists say, I love you as a leash. So especially in the beginning, but also between the abuse, they will love bomb you with the attention gifts and soulmate talk, which you may misunderstand is the connection you're actually missing.
(05:59)But you feel like, well, they're saying these words, but deep down you probably don't really feel it. You're like, well, soulmates don't do this other stuff subconsciously. You may know that, but the soulmate, oh, you're my soulmate, or I got no one's ever made me feel the way you feel. You're so special. We've gone through so much together. You're the only one who can X, Y, z. Did you hear any of those? Yeah. So they will also use your loyalty against you later. They know as you get more and more loyal, which you will fall under that you have already in the past, if you're listening to this, you may be out of the situation, but maybe some people are still in it, but we're talking about, and you should know when you were very loyal to them, it probably progressed more and more and you felt more fear associated with if you were not loyal or you did not do exactly what they said.
(07:00)So they do this. If you loved me, you wouldn't go out with your girlfriends. You'd be wanting to spend time only with me. If you loved me, you would do this for me if you loved me, right? It's this guilt trip related to loyalty. But they don't give you loyalty back necessarily, right? Except with the possession type attachment, the codependency. So they also will punish you. That could be with the silent treatment or just withdrawal of the love bombing of the compliments of the carrots they give you. They'll start holding those back, making you want them and desire them and just wait for them hoping they'll come back around. When you set a boundary, when you're like, I really even bringing up something that is not accommodating what they are doing, they can do that, right? The other one is using fake vulnerability to rope you back in.
(08:05)And this is a tough one because sometimes we can't tell, especially when we're fully in it, what is real and fake. They could have crocodile tears, they can have, I'm sorry, it's just that I had a really hard life and right? And it's just the sob stories all the time about their constant poor behavior towards you, and they will act as if they're being vulnerable, crying, opening up to you. Again, you might mistake this for that connection that you're seeking, but that's the wrong connection. That's the guilt tripping and fake vulnerability connection. So that is not love. It's a strategy manipulating and it's masquerading as intimacy. So you were not loved in the way we love you were used, and it's not your fault. And yes, it sucks. Of course, we all look back, we spent how many years of our life being used? How did I not see that?
(09:17)We're not going to do that here today, and we'll have episodes of addressing that. And of course you want to get into the nitty gritty of that and get rid of that. Come work with me. I am an expert at helping you navigate this. That's why I'm here. You want to do the real work? I get it. It is very hard where you're at and I have been there and I have thought about what I let happen to me, and I don't know how I didn't get help. It's very hard living through that, and it doesn't seem fun to shine a light on it and get help for it. But I am telling you, I went through not just narcissistic abuse, but physical abuse I just mentioned in my group for the first time, I'm talking about my actual physical injuries. I was choked by a phone cord.
(10:15)I was sitting there not knowing if it was going to be my last breath getting dizzy, feeling like, oh, here it goes, here I go, and I didn't get help. Then I, all I can say is I didn't know or didn't want to face it. Sometimes we don't want to face it. There's a bunch of different reasons, but we're not here to dwell on that part. Yes, we address it, we talk about it. I'm talking about my own situation more. It's not comfortable. That's probably why I haven't talked about it in public too much. But guess what, we're here now. And if you don't want to lose more years of your life to this, if you want to break the cycle for your own children, if you don't want to end up with health issues because of all of this gnawing at you in the pit of your stomach, the body and the mind are connected, and we do get sick from this stuff.
(11:18)So if you want, and look, I get passionate, I'm not yelling at you, but if you want to actually heal, you're going to need to go a little deeper than the podcast or the YouTube videos. They are helpful. It's great help for understanding. If you really truly want to heal, you are going to have to take it a step further. And I love to help people. My specialty is helping people move more quickly than you think with your, and I try to keep it as fun as possible, right? I'm Christy Jade. I love a good gold crown and sparkle, so I will always put how to work with me in the show notes. It is up to you to say, I don't want to live like this anymore. And what is your life going to look like in five years from now? You're sad. You wasted so much time, so don't waste any more time for you, for your kids.
(12:20)Anyway, I got a little side tangent, passion over there, but you were used. This isn't your fault. We know what we know when we know it. It is a reflection of them, not your worth. But there is damage done. So we do have to do the work. That part is up to us. That is our responsibility. What happened is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. So why do we confuse love with control? So this is why it hits so hard. Many of us were raised in environments where love was conditional. Most of us who have later in life had these not so great toxic relationships. Narcissistic abuse probably ended up in that situation because there was a lack of something or an unhealthy childhood, whether that be from a parent, caregiver, sibling, whatever, where the approval had to be earned somehow, maybe you're dismissed where there was tension, fear, and that was the norm.
(13:40)I in my life was on high alert a lot. Looking back, I just, my God, my shoulders must've been up to my ears most of my childhood. So when a narcissist shows up with the chaos and the charm, some people see through that, people who have been in the situations we've been in, it feels like home. It feels unpredictable, which is home to us, unsafe, which is home to us. But love is not intensity. It's not the up and the down and the, oh, we're just a passionate family, right? I mean, I'm not going to get specific with my own family or anyone, but let's be honest, there is a generational thing that went on before us where it was excused, passionate parenting. I feel like that's what we should have called it. Passionate parenting. Oh, I'm going to smack you across your head. You can clear across the table, but then two minutes later, act like nothing happened and I'm kissing your forehead and we're eating pasta and meatballs together.
(14:56)That passionate up and down intensity. Love is not intensity. Up and down, up and down. It is consistency. And that gets boring to us when we are used to intensity. So we tend to be drawn to the people that give us intensity. That can include chaos. It doesn't matter. It could be the really happy, upbeat, crazy people that are wild, we like them, or people that are charismatic and love bombing, and then behind closed doors are hurting you. Love is not sacrifice. Sacrificing your own wants and needs. Yes, you're going to compromise in relationships of any kind. You should be compromising. It's healthy. No one's the same. You got to meet in the middle. You're not going to sacrifice your mental health, okay? That's what you're not going to sacrifice. Love is safe. We'll all have our disagreements. We're going to have fights here and there.
(16:04)We're human. There's a difference between that and a pattern of sacrifice, a pattern of chaos, a pattern of not feeling safe in your home every day. That is not love. So you were not crazy. You were conditioned. You were conditioned probably from an early age, and then it felt real nice and cozy, but it's not nice and cozy. And I'm here on the other side to say, guess what? You do actually get rid of that desire for intensity. I have the most steady, safe, calm husband in the world. I never would've guessed that from where I came from, and I can't tell you how amazing it feels, but I did a lot of work. So yes, this is for the people who are ready to do the work. So what can you ask yourself to reclaim the truth? Ask, did I feel emotionally safe in the relationship?
(17:13)You're probably immediately going to say no. Most of you, unless you're still in a denial phase, which is fine. I'm here to tell you, if you're on this podcast, you didn't feel safe. Okay? Number two, did I feel free to grow and be myself? Do your own things. Did you get to choose what you wanted to do, what you wanted to wear, who you wanted to be? If you said, I want to change careers, was your partner okay with that? Did you feel free? And number three was their love based on who I was or what you gave them. And that could be just feeding their ego, accommodating them or was it on who you truly were?
(18:10)And sometimes that's hard. You might have to navigate that for a few minutes to figure that out. But I know I walked on eggshells with my narcissist. There's a couple in my life, but one of them walked on major eggshells to accommodate them to do what they want to do because I just did it. It was not worth the fight or wanting to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it because I would either get punished or, yeah, punished is basically the outcome. Okay? So you deserve real love and real love does not break you. It's not that crumbling and putting together, and even when you crumble in a narcissistic, abusive situation, you're usually the one that has to put yourself back together. You might get a fake, I'm sorry, that's going to benefit them because they know how to work the abuse cycle, of course, and they might not say, sorry. A lot of people say narcissists never say sorry. They're never accountable. If they are desperate, they will give an apology, but it's not a true apology. It's not authentic. You can usually tell, but they may give one. If they're desperate, you're almost out the door. They absolutely may say, sorry, it might be an empty apology. It might not come with any sort of substantial reasoning behind it, or I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you're hurt. It's bullshit, right?
(19:50)So love is not controlling, as we've said here, right? It's not confusing. Did you feel confused as hell in your relationship? The ups, the downs, the I don't know what to do here. You deserve a love that lets you be you in your wholeness. Again, no one's perfect. We're going to have blips, but in general, you should be able to feel yourself and not go. Where the F did I go and it starts with you. You learning to love yourself seriously, fully, unapologetically. It's okay and it's hard. When you're coming out of these situations, you're conditioned to not put yourself first, to not love yourself, to think you're not worthy. They shove you down so far so they can have control over you. It's time for you look in the mirror and say, I deserve to more and I'm going to demand more. And that's okay. Christy said so. Christie says, so. Okay, so no more wondering if they loved you.
(21:16)You get to decide, was it love or control? We know the answer. And look at this. You're deciding you are in control. Take that power back. Okay? I want you to just pretend there's a big golden energy and you're just pulling it in. This is your power, okay? You get to decide and you say, what kind of love am I choosing? Next? What will I tolerate? Safety, steadiness. Kindness, uplifting, empowering, joyful, consistent love. That's the love you are going to get and you're not going to settle for less. How would that feel? How would that feel in your body to have unconditional love? That was constant, consistent. You didn't have to question it. You didn't have to say, what did I do wrong? Or Is this my fault? Maybe it is. Or, oh, I'm crazy, I'm oversensitive, or, oh, I better not say what I'm thinking at all. No, we're not going to live like that anymore.
(22:35)You are going to break out of those damn eggshells, shatter them, give them back to that narcissist. They can have their eggshells back. Thank you. And you are going to rise up. You are going to find that girl inside. You're going to find that fire that I know is in there, or you would not be here she is here, she's inside you and she's waiting, going, yes, I'm ready. I'm ready to live my life the way it should be lived. It's okay if you spent years doing something different, it brought you here. Do you understand? Yes. I went through years of all sorts of shit. Okay, but where am I now? I don't regret. I don't get mad. Yes, it sucks. So of course I feel bad for my younger self going through all of it, but I also know it led me here and I'm going to use it.
(23:31)I have used it to live a life that most people don't get to live because I had to evaluate and go, what just happened? What's happened? Oh my goodness. I need to recreate a life. A dream life, honestly. And I know right now where you are, you might not be able to think of that life. Maybe you can. I hope you can. But back when I was in the situation or soon after, I couldn't imagine being in the life I'm in. But you have to be open enough to say, I want more. I want more for myself, and I do deserve more. I didn't deserve that. Okay? It is the past. We are going to let you live your you 2.0. That's what I call it, right? You 2.0 because it's still you. She's still in there, and that's going to be a part of your story. And that's okay. We are not going to grovel over all the years lost or we're just going to lose more time. And do not give that narcissist the satisfaction of taking one more damn minute.
(24:47)Take that power back and say, what am I going to do now? I'm going to demand only the most amazing people in my life. I'm going to spend my time doing a job I love. I'm going to find the moments in the day for me. I'm going to choose to do whatever I want. I'm going to choose what shampoo I can use. I'm going to choose what vacation I want to go on. I am going to parent how I want to parent my own children. You get to be free. You get to be free. How would that feel? Just take that in for a moment. We're going to do Thursday. We're going to do, woo, I'm all hot and sweaty over here. Thursday, we're going to do thrive in five. If you're new to me, I do every Thursday a Thrive in five. It's five minutes or less of a little somatic healing, which is the body, right? We try to heal through the body. So we do meditation, we do breath work, we do visualizations, we can do sound healing. There's all sorts of stuff. So we are going to do one related to this on Thursday, which is great. We're going to actually apply this and imprint it into our bodies because all this talk is great. You might feel real motivated right now, but doing the somatic healing and ongoing work with me, that's where the transformation happens.
(26:15)My clients shifts are out of this world. I'll be honest. Every call I have, pretty much, especially the ongoing clients where they've built up, they've been with me a month, two months, three months. I've had clients after a year. The transformation, you don't recognize yourself. That's what I want for you, no matter how you get it, if it's with me or someone else, get that one-on-one accountability and someone who knows what they're doing with yes mindset work, but also the body work, the somatic healing, because the body remembers everything. Mindset work is great, but doing the actual internal healing is going to give you those lasting results. I can't tell you the changes within my own life when I started doing the somatic healing. So again, all that information is always in my show notes. I hope this episode helped you share it with anyone that you think might need it if they've been in a toxic relationship, narcissistic abuse, and I just want you to really understand the power you have within you and how you get to decide what to do with that now.
(27:42)Right? The past is the past you have now, and moving forward, what are you going to do? What do you want your life to look like five years from now, one year from now? Let's do one year. Five is a lot to think ahead, right? And one year from now, do you want to still be feeling like you're feeling or do you want to have a major transformation because you owe it to yourself, your kids, you owe it to. I mean, if you're a God person, God didn't put us here to suffer. He gives us all these beautiful things around us, these beautiful experiences, these beautiful tools in our little tool, tool bag. Tool bag. I was trying to say like backpack and bag at the same time.
(28:37)We owe it to this life, to our higher self, whatever you want to call it. I owe it to God in my mind to not be lazy with my mental health, my growth. We are not stuck. You are not stuck. I've heard a lot of people saying, I'm stuck. I remember saying, I'm stuck. I'm here to tell you, you're only as stuck as you let yourself be. Yes, give yourself grace. But I'm here. You're here for a reason. So let me help grab your hand and guide you, whatever. You're already here. This is great. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you've done so far. Just listening is a great start, but you want a real transformation. Let's freaking go. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Like I said, Thursday, thrive in five. We are going to do some body healing, good stuff.
(29:36)And if you want to true transformation, you do have to do the work. You got to do the deeper work. So are you ready to do that? I'm ready for you. I'm ready, queen. Because everybody deserves to feel peace. Can you imagine feeling peace internally no matter what the hell's going on outside of you, you got peace and then you got freedom on top of it. You don't have the old stories in your head. You don't have the low self-esteem anymore. You don't have the decision fatigue. You don't have the, am I crazy? Was that real or not real? You don't have all the questions all the time. It's exhausting. Get out of your head. Let's transform. Okay? Alright, go look at my signup link and I will see you on Thursday.

3 Quick Shifts for Co-Parenting Peace (When You're Dealing with a Narcissist)

🎁 FREE RESOURCE:
Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral.Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
 
💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY:
You're not meant to heal alone.Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group!✨ Join here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
🎙 What You’ll Learn:
Feeling wired and fried after a text from the narcissist?This 5-minute somatic practice will calm your nervous system fast — and help you reclaim your peace before the spiral takes over.
This is trauma-informed, body-based healing made simple.
👑 Work 1:1 With Me
Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power?📅 Book a private session:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hello Queens. It's ChristyJade here, and I am so excited for this episode. This co-parenting stuff is just, it is a hot topic right now. A lot of people needing this. So I decided I would do my Thrive in five this week related to it since I just did a whole episode on it Tuesday. If you missed it, go back. Listen to that, put in your saved episodes, listen to it later, but definitely catch that one. So if co-parenting is feeling like an emotional whiplash with a side of guilt, you're not alone, right? But today I am going to give you three quick but powerful mindset shifts to help you stay grounded, not get sucked into all their chaos, and try to parent as much as you can with peace, right? Even if they're not so peaceful. So we're going to try keep it as short as possible. Let's dive in.
(01:00)Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. All right? The old stop trying to be the bigger person all the time. This advice gets thrown around a lot, especially to women. But when you are dealing with a narcissist, they can use that against you. They will use that against you. So being the bigger person doesn't mean tolerating disrespect or avoiding boundaries. I'm the boundary queen. I love a good boundary. It means showing up with clarity. Calm, that's an important word here. Don't take that bait girls and values that protect your piece. So what does that look like? Instead of asking, how do I avoid upsetting them because we're sick of walking on the damn eggshells. That's why we're out of the situation.
(02:01)Try something like what actually honors my mental health and models, emotional safety for my child, what honors my mental health and models, the emotional safety for my kiddo? Two very important things. Alright? Number two is a big one. I just talked about this today in one of my sessions. Let go of the idea that you're working together, right? I know you want a functional co-parenting situation. Who doesn't? Of course, that would be great. But with a narcissist, it's not reality. You might need to hear it louder. I might need to scream it. I don't feel like screaming, but I'll repeat it with a narcissist. It is not reality to have a functional co-parenting situation. You are not in a partnership. You're basically, I mean, let's be honest, in damage control constantly. So what works better than that? Parallel parenting. Have you heard of this? It's structured communication.
(03:10)Very, very clear limits. A K, a boundaries and no fantasy of getting on the same page. You know what the good news is? You'll never be on the same page with a narcissist. That's actually good news because their pages suck. Okay? So stop chasing connection with someone who literally is committed to chaos. They don't connect in the same way we do. They don't get on the same page. So you got to choose the clarity, choose the structure, right? Take the emotion out of it and choose you and your child's piece. The third shift, reframe their chaos. And I love this. I always think of it this way. It's noise, but it's background noise. It's not just noise. Let it be in the background when they start baiting you, which they do on text, guilt tripping you through your kids. Pause. Pause. Can we all get that tattooed all over our bodies?
(04:07)Pause. Breathe. Imagine their voice like static on a radio. It's like Charlie Brown's teacher. You don't have to tune in. That's the good thing. That's their radio station. You don't have to answer right away. I know you have the compulsion. You were conditioned to feel like you had to due to fear. We're going to stomp that fear. No, you do not have to answer right away. You don't have to answer at all unless it's related to the child's wellbeing or immediate situation with the child, right? So use the three question test. Maybe you should write some notes here on this one or save it and go back to it and write some notes if you're not in a place to, but this is a good one to write notes on. Three question, test one, is it about the child? I'm saying if they're coming to communicate to you and you don't want to deal with their noise, is it about the child first?
(05:09)Is it urgent? Three, does it truly require a response? If the answer is not a clear yes, breathe, it can wait or totally ghosted, I vote for ghosted if you can, right? Okay, so I know it's not easy. You are doing better than you think, though you are. You're here, right? And this situation, I want to say this. Can I bold my words? This situation does not need to control you. This situation does not need to control you. Your nervous system matters, right? So that's why we do the somatic stuff. All the somatic work. If you want to work with me one-on-one, I'll put link in my description of the podcast. Your boundaries matter. Oh, do you guys know? Also, I have a new boundaries pocket guide and it's free. I will put that for sure in the show notes too. All these things just keep, they think of all the things I can help you with.
(06:19)So excuse me, it's just so relevant. But the boundaries thing, I'm so excited. I just created this. It's a brand new thing. It's awesome. So go check it out and your piece matters. Your piece matters. Say it over and over. Make that an affirmation. Guys. Write it in lipstick on your mirror. So every time you look at your beautiful face, whether you're brushing your teeth or popping a pimpy, your piece matters. You can parent powerfully. Even if that other parent is toxic. Bad news bears, you still can, I promise. So like I said, if you want deeper support, I'll put the link there. You can go listen to the full episode of Tuesday's episode with setting Boundaries with a narcissistic co-parent. Start here, right? That's Tuesdays and I break it all down. There's some little scripts and boundary strategies that actually work with someone like this who we're talking about that dreaded narc. So find it all in the show notes, or you can search narcissistic abuse recovery. But if you're listening to this, you probably already found this stuff. You already found the goods. So you've got this. I believe in you. Do you believe in you? Hand on heart. Say, I believe in me, I'm a queen. Go ahead. I'm waiting louder.
(07:45)Oh, I did hear you. Alright, I will talk to you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissistic Co-Parent? Start Here.

📢 GRAB THIS BEFORE YOU LISTEN:🔥 Ready to stop feeling like a doormat in your own life?Snag your FREE copy of “Bye, Guilt. Hello, Boundaries! Guide to Boundaries That Stick (Without the Guilt Spiral)”👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
This isn’t your typical fluffy PDF. You’ll learn how to:💥 Ditch guilt for good💥 Set boundaries that actually hold up (even with narcissists)💥 Protect your peace like the queen you are
This guide is your first step to saying nope with confidence—and meaning it.
—
🎧 EPISODE BREAKDOWN:
Let’s be honest—co-parenting with a narcissist is next-level. You’re not just managing a schedule… you’re managing chaos, manipulation, and emotional landmines.
In this episode, I’m breaking down:
The #1 mindset shift that will change the game
Boundaries that actually work with a narcissistic co-parent
Scripts and strategies to stay calm, clear, and in control
Why traditional co-parenting advice fails (and what to do instead)
This is your permission slip to stop playing nice and start protecting your peace.
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Tired of feeling like your narcissistic ex is still controlling your life somewhat, even after the breakup you're trying to co-parent. But it feels more like combat. Let's be real, right? Boundaries should help. So why do they not seem to work with them today? We're getting into y narcissists are different beasts when it comes to co-parenting and some boundary strategies that actually work. Let's go clean. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.
(01:03)Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, it is Christa. Today we're diving into one of the most exhausting post abuse challenges, co-parenting with a narcissist. Let's be real. This is not normal. This is parallel parenting with a manipulative, self-serving adult child who uses the kids as pawns and the drama as fuel. They love that drama and that's why, oh, just communicate better or take the high road advice from well-meaning people doesn't work here. It doesn't work. And so let's break it down. Why are they different? Right? First, they don't want peace.
(02:10)Some healthy minded individuals after a divorce may be hurt, but they really do want peace in the end. So they might disagree with you, but they actually want the resolution a narcissist. They want what control. We know that chaos, they actually want chaos and a reaction. You're feeding them even if it's a negative reaction. So if your boundaries are focused on keeping the peace, you're already playing their game. Okay? Number two, they weaponize everything. So information, your tone, the kid's schedule, anything can be twisted. This means your boundaries have to be so tight, minimal. And my part of what I teach in my boundaries course and elsewhere is emotionless. And that's hard. That's hard for a lot of you, and it was hard for me, but there's ways to do it, okay? And number three, they see boundaries as attacks. They're not seeing, you're protecting yourself.
(03:19)They're seeing you attacking them. So it's a rejection. And we all know that narcissists cannot handle rejection. So they'll either push back on it, they'll guilt trip you, or one of the worst things, especially when you're dealing with co-parenting and children, they will punish you through the kids. So that's why setting the boundary isn't enough. You need a backup plan for the backlash because there inevitably will be backlash with a narcissist when you set a boundary. So some boundaries that actually work with narcissistic co-parents or parallel parents, we'll call 'em Number one, like I said, I love the no emotion rule. Use a no emotion, no explanation policy. So think of it like a business email energy. So I'm not available to swap weekends. Please refer to the agreement, not I can't this weekend I have a family event and I've been really overwhelmed. No, save all that noise.
(04:27)The unnecessary information that they can use to turn on you, they use it against you later. They'll twist it, whatever, no extra info, very to the point. They love when you overexplain. Keep it short, clear, no room for debate or conversation. Number two, communicate only through a parallel parenting app. So our family wizard is the one I have heard great things about, or talking parents. I don't know someone personally who uses that, but I've seen that also talked about. And they document everything and reduce that real time interaction. Why? Because narcissists specifically are less likely to manipulate when the receipts are permanent. They might still do it, but then it's documented and you have it against them, right? But they are a little less likely to, especially when they're not up in a rage to do that because they can be very calculated. So they're like, oh yeah, I don't want that outside of this circle with my ex.
(05:37)So it will help them and help you. So the bonuses, you won't be tempted to respond to their nonsense at midnight. You're on this app, it helps you too. So I just love technology in situations like this. Number three, set emotional boundaries with you yourself. Okay? This is the one no one really talks about. You are not just setting boundaries with them. You're setting them with yourself. Okay? So here's an example. I will not engage with my parallel parent after 6:00 PM whatever it is. Maybe that's not your time, maybe it's eight. Whatever suits your schedule and your peace of mind, let yourself have those nights where you can just relax and say, I'm not even going to acknowledge them. Number two, I will not read texts more than once. Don't get into that monkey mind where you read things over and over and try to analyze and figure out. Read it just once. And then to the third point, I will pause before responding so I don't go into trigger mode. And there's more on this in my boundaries course. But if you don't go into trigger mode, you help yourself keep that piece, you're helping yourself.
(07:06)They're going to keep coming at you. You can't control them. You can't control what you're doing. So you can control when you, you're accepting their texts, looking at them, you can control how many times you're looking at them. And you can control, even though it's a little hard saying, I'm going to go count to 30, right? Do something like that. And once you get to 30, your body has already calmed down a bit, and you can go into something else and then have a second point of, okay, now that I'm calm, I'm going to just leave that and I'm going to go do this. Maybe to take your mind off it. Put on some funny animal videos. Go throw some laundry in. Whatever you got to do to kind of get out of that triggered emotional response because you do not want to take their bait and respond while you were feeling that way.
(07:59)And we want to keep it short and simple, like I said. And when you're in trigger mode, you can't do that. So this though, a bonus of emotional boundaries with yourself is this builds that self-trust. We've talked about that. You have trouble trying to get back. You don't know if you can trust yourself anymore. This help builds that. Setting boundaries with yourself. You're making agreements with you and you're protecting yourself. And when you trust you, their chaos cannot pull you back in. When you get to that point where you start saying, okay, I've got me, I'm going to protect me. I know what I'm doing. They can't get you back in. I love that. So let's recap. Narcissists don't want peace. They want power. We know that regular co-parenting tips do not work on dynamics. They just don't. Number three, your boundaries need to be airtight.
(09:02)The biggest thing, emotion free, if you take anything from this podcast, emotion free and backed by emotional self-protection, right? So take the emotions out it, step away. Do not respond when you are triggered. Final thoughts here. You're not powerless, okay? You're not difficult or bitter for setting limits at all. They'll make you think you are, but you're not. I'm the queen. Be a boundaries. I know, okay, you're not. You're a mom. Reclaiming her peace in the middle of a damn storm. That is crazy. But do you know that's actually your superpower? That you are here saying, I'm going to show up for my kids. I'm going to show up for myself. I'm not doing this anymore. That's not bitter, that's not mean. That's smart as hell.
(10:02)So if you're ready to create boundaries that actually stick, even with the most manipulative X, you can download my free guide called Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. I love it. And that is packed with guilt-free scripts starter steps to help you say no with zero apology. And you can go from there. I do have a course too, but check out that free guide first, and I will put the link as always in the podcast description area, the notes area, whatever you want to call it, and make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so you get all my goodies. But I'm so excited. This is a brand new free guide. This Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. It's going to help you out. It's brand new. So it's got all sorts of good stuff that I have learned through the years and polished up. So go grab that. That is your homework for this day. Go grab that. It's, I'll have the link like I said in the description, and I will see you in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursdays are my quicker episodes that are more like hands-on healing from the body visualizations, meditations. Sometimes we'll do like a script, so they're shorter, little bite sized episodes that you can save and go back to over and over again. So make sure to follow the podcast so you get the notifications, and I will see you on Thursday. Bye, queen.

Feeling Hooked by the Narcissist Again? Do This to Reclaim Your Power in 5 Minutes

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💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations, or coaching?  Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com
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When a narcissist gets in your head, it can feel impossible to think straight — let alone feel safe in your body. But you don’t have to stay stuck in that spiral.
In this short but powerful Thrive in 5, I’ll walk you through a calming reset to help you:
Ground your nervous system
Detach from their drama
Reconnect with your truth and worth
Perfect for those moments when you feel triggered, confused, or tempted to re-engage. Pop in your earbuds, take a few deep breaths, and come back to your power. 👑
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five. Your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello queens. It's thriving five time today. We're resetting your nervous system. Oh, I love a good reset. If you've been spiraling with thoughts, like why do they act like that? Did I overreact? Am I the crazy one first? No, you're not. Right? But let's take a breath. Let's calm our energy because we're going to reset. So take an inhale through your nose and exhale. Okay. When you feel ready, put your hand on your heart or your belly, whichever feels more grounding to you. And we're going to do a halo breath. That's a nice deep breath in through your nose. Inhale. Hold that for 3, 2, 1. Exhaling slowly like you're blowing out a candle. Let's do that one more time. Inhale. Hold. 3, 2, 1. Exhaling like you're blowing that candle. Alright, now say this with me. You can say it out loud or silently. I always like to say things out loud, but that's just me and some of you. Okay, so repeat after me. Their behavior is not a reflection of my worth.
(01:44)Good. Okay. Repeat after me again. I am not responsible for their dysfunction. Good. And now I choose peace over chaos. I detach to protect. Awesome. Now gently tap your chest with your first two fingertips. Either hand just a light rhythm. This actually helps calm your vagus nerve and signals safety to your body. This is something you can use if you've just gotten a text from your asshole co-parent or your actual parent, your mom or your dad, that might be toxic. Your boss gently tapping your chest with your fingertips, lightly letting your breath calm. And as you tap, you can repeat. I am safe.
(03:03)I am strong. I see truth. Now let's do that again. I am safe. I am strong. I see the truth. Now if emotion rises up, let it. Tears are not weakness. They're release. Okay? Tears are release. You have a lot of stuff stuck up in that bode. Alright? We're here to let it out. When you understand why the narcissist acts the way they do, you don't have to keep reliving it. You can recognize the patterns. We don't need to know every in and out. But when you recognize the patterns, it helps you don't owe them your confusion, okay? You owe you some clarity on it, right? But that doesn't mean they need your confusion. You just get clear with the patterns. Okay? You are safe. You are strong. You can see that truth now, okay? And if you haven't, well let's take a breath and kind of come back here.
(04:30)Take an inhale halo through the nose and release and carry that peaceful feeling through the day, right? And if you didn't listen to Tuesday's episode, it's a good one. It's might be one of the favorite ones I've done in a while. It's really talking about why they do what they do and the patterns. I think it'll be really helpful for you if you've not listened to that and paired with this. It's a good week of episodes. I'm like in this week. Okay, so you got this queen, you got it. Look at your crown. All shiny. Look at you looking all cute. Okay, you got it. We're here and we are here. Do you know about that Facebook private group? Go join it. Link is always in the show notes and so are ways to work with me. Alright, I will see you in the next episode.
(05:32)That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast, you don't miss a moment and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Why Do Narcissists Act Like That? Understanding Their Mind Games So You Can Finally Detach

  👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
🔥 50% OFF Empowered Boundaries Course — through July 12th!  👉 Grab it here → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/?coupon=50OFFEMPOWERED
💬 Join my private FREE Facebook group for support + healing:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations, or coaching?  Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com
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🎧 **Episode: Why Do Narcissists Act Like That? Understanding Their Mind Games So You Can Finally Detach**
Ever felt blindsided by a narcissist’s hot-and-cold behavior? One minute they’re charming, the next they’re cruel — and you're left wondering what just happened. In this episode, we break down *why* narcissists behave the way they do, what really drives their mind games, and how understanding their psychology can help you finally stop taking it personally.
You’ll learn:- What narcissists truly fear (hint: it’s not what you think)  - Why they punish, manipulate, and gaslight — even when they “seem fine”  - The emotional patterns behind their toxic behavior  - How this knowledge helps you detach and reclaim your peace
Let’s decode the dysfunction and take your energy back.
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👑 **Work with Me 1:1:**• Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/  • Somatic Sparkle Healing Sessions → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
🧘 **Freebies & Resources:**• 4-Minute Mood Boost Meditation → https://christyjade.ck.page/insider  • #NotMyShit Journal on Amazon → https://amzn.to/46dDSYk
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ever found yourself asking Why are they like this? The lies, the cold shoulder, the gaslighting. It can feel like a dang roller coaster. You never asked to ride. But what if I told you there is a method to the madness? Today we're digging into the psychology of the narcissist so you can stop blaming yourself and start breaking free. Stay tuned. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.
(01:01)Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, Queens. If you are here, you probably had your piece hijacked by a narcissist or maybe a few. If you're lucky. One like me, so many of us, you probably spent way too much time trying to figure them out. What makes them tick? Why do they hurt people? Do they know they're doing it? So today I'm handing you the emotional decoder ring. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a real one? Yeah. So we're going to go inside the narcissist mind, not to fix them, but to free you.
(01:57)I'm going to repeat that again. Not to fix them, but to free you. We do not have control over them. So when you understand what drives their behavior, it stops feeling as personal and it stops being as confusing, and that's where you get your power back. Okay, so let's start here. Narcissists are not just confident jerks. They've got this branding on them. Oh, they're just these arrogant jerks, right? I think at this point, hopefully it's more than that, but maybe you don't. So let's talk about underneath that. What is it right underneath that arrogance? It is deep, deep, deep insecurity. That's the irony of it. They're so insecure. They have a mask they wear of arrogance that even they technically can buy into their own mask. So they have a very fragile sense of self and a desperate, desperate need for control. What do I always say?
(02:57)They're always trying to either get control if they don't have it or see if they do have control or get that control back. If they don't have it and they need the admiration, you need to beef them up or else. And power, essentially, control and power go hand in hand. So most narcissists have this internal belief. They're either superior or worthless. There's no middle ground, but most of them, I would say in my experience from my knowledge, is that they really are building a false sense to cover the shame of who they think they are. And they demand constant validation to keep that false self alive. Imagine if you're holding this mask up to your face, you're holding it, and if you don't get fed the beliefs that you're amazing and you're this and that, and you're so great and you don't push someone else down to gain the power, you drop the mask.
(03:57)So you have to be constantly fed. So this is what we call the narcissistic supply. Maybe you've heard that. Get comfy with that name. That is very common. Narcissistic supply. They need the supply. They need to be fed. So here are six truths about how they think and operate. Number one, we know this control, control, control. It equals safety to them. They do not feel safe unless they're in control of people. The narrative, the stories, and the emotions. So if you're unpredictable or you set a boundary, woo, that threatens their power because then they're not in control. If someone's giving them rules, them boundaries, Uhuh, they do not like that. So what do they do? I call 'em the punisher. Remember that song? Punisher? What you looking for? Okay, the punishers. So they will punish or manipulate you to regain the control. They often do both.
(05:07)So you've probably been a victim of both the punishment and the manipulation. Okay, so number two, empathy is seen as weakness. So they're not wired to truly feel others'. Pain, and usually we know this. That's another pretty glaring sign of narcissists that they're not empathetic. Some of them will mimic empathy and that can get confusing, but it's kind of more of a performative thing. If you get familiar with it, you can usually tell the difference after a while and it serves a purpose. It's not just like, oh, man, I feel so bad for that person or that animal, or, oh, how we might feel. They have empathy to serve a purpose, to win, trust, to make you think they're like that. So you will trust and relate to them to disarm you or whoever they're dealing with, or to keep you around because they know you prefer people who have empathy like most of the world.
(06:11)Okay, number three, they fear abandonment more than anything. Anything I can think of. This one particular narcissist in my life, oh my goodness, the fear of abandonment is real in all aspects of their life, and they are someone also who can never be alone. So often they will maybe cheat if they're having trouble with someone they're with. Why do they cheat? Because they feel like they maybe don't want to be in this situation anymore, but they sure as hell don't want to be alone. So what do they do? They cheat and find someone else to replace that person so they won't be left alone. They don't want to be alone. Even though their behavior pushes people away, their biggest fear is being left. So they're going to do it before the other person does it. So they test you. Have you been tested? Do you know what that means?
(07:06)I can think of experiences. Oh, where people have pushed me away. It is very obvious. Once I knew narcissism, I actually have had a friend in the past. After I really know what narcissism was, I realized this one friend of mine was probably a narcissist, and then I realized, yes, this is a huge thing, is the testing. They will test you to see how hard you'll fight for them. Basically what you'll put up with to prove that you're not going to leave them and abandon them. What did I say? I said F that I will abandon you. Bye-bye. Okay. They also breadcrumb, right? So they'll give you little crumbs of, oh, you're so special. You're the best love bombing. In a way, the obvious love bombs too, but the breadcrumbs are the more subtle things that keep you around thinking, oh, see, they're pretty good, and oh, they do think I'm special.
(08:01)There is a connection between us, but they do it all to see if you will chase them and it's sick, and I hate that part about them. I hate most parts about them. Alright, number four, shame drives everything. Most narcissists are drowning in unhealed shame, but instead of facing it, they deflect it onto who? Not themselves. They're not known for accountability. Are they new? So they will deflect it onto others. That could be the person they're romantically involved with. That could be the waiter or waitress that's working at their table. That's why you end up apologizing for their behavior. They will flip the script. They will lie, they'll blame. They'll project. They will twist. What say to the point you're like, wait, is this my hold on? Is this my fault? Did that happen? They make you so mind screwed that you don't even know top from bottom when you're done with them.
(09:09)Number five, they see people as extensions. This is really important. This is something that I learned as I got education and really looked from the outside in on the other side of things. Really got more of a idea that wasn't as obvious, I guess, as the things like, oh, they want control that you learn pretty quickly, but they see people as extensions, so you're not seen as a separate autonomous person. So this can be very common if you have a narcissistic parent, you are an extension of them. But this also can happen in romantic situations or best friendships, those really codependent best friendships. So you are either useful to their ego or you are a threat to it. So when you stop doing what they want, when they want, how they want on their terms, when you stop walking on eggshells, damn sick of it, which is what I did with a specific friend, guess what?
(10:11)They start to devalue you and they try to also, what this particular person did, and I don't know if I really have this in this set of things, but another thing they will do is make sure that you know how important they are to you and that you need them. That's something that happened, right? So when they feel you start to pull away, they're also probably going to try to remind you how you need them and almost are undeserving of them, especially in romantic situations. You hear a lot of, oh, you'll never find someone like me. Actually, my ex-boyfriend went and on our last breakup, yes, of course you know the drill. If you're with a narcissist, you're going to have a few breakups. On our last breakup, he said to me, you will never find someone like me. And I said, thank God. Boom.
(11:08)Drop the mic. There's a line for you. Alright? But anyway, getting back to seeing people as extensions, right? So that's romantic situation, friendship, anything, and you stop doing what they want, you stop or you start calling them out or saying, why are you doing this? Instead of just being submissive about things that you've been conditioned to do, they hate it, right? No, no. They start to devalue you and really start to again, flip the script, gaslight, all of that. Number six, they don't want healing. I'll say it again. They do not want healing. They want power. This is for a lot of people, the hardest truth to accept, but most narcissists, and I don't have an exact percentage, you guys, but it's very, very low, very low.
(12:01)I love to have faith in people. Believe me, I'm a healing wisher, narcissists. I will pray all day. I still pray for a narcissist that was in my life every single night that they find peace. But most of them will never, ever change because they don't want to heal. That's not what they're here for. We're here to grow, right? I love growing every day. I love watching my life grow and flourish and take accountability and say, oh, you know what? I used to do this and now I don't. That's beautiful because I'm not here to win. They want to win. Their insecurities are so severe, they have to win to feel safe. Remember going back to that earlier, I forget what number was that?
(12:54)Basically they're not feeling safe unless they're in control. Number one, it was number one, right? The control aspect, they just don't feel safe unless they're in control and they're winning, they need to win. So why does all this matter? Because when you finally understand it is not about you, and that can hurt in a way too. I get it right? You think you're special and you have this connection. I get that part is really hard, and we will get to healing that. But when you flip that in a positive way, it's not you. It's not not the crazy one. You're not X, y, Z. This is all them. But when you do that, the fog starts to lift. You stop twisting yourself in knots, trying to be good enough for the narc. You stop explaining yourself to someone who's committed to misunderstanding you. It's not even that they misunderstand you, right?
(13:56)They put on a facade of misunderstanding you. They play dumb. They play confused or twist things. They know exactly what they're doing though. But when you're in it, you think they're misunderstanding you and you're explaining yourself, no, but that's not what I meant and did it. No, we're done explaining ourselves to anyone. Stop hoping for closure from someone who can't even be honest with themselves. These people really have a severe deficiency. See, they're not even real with themselves. They're not going to be real with you. They're always going to lie. They're always going to switch, flip the switch, whatever. They're always going to love bomb. They're always going to abuse that very, very minute amount of narcissists that get help. It's such a small amount. I don't even want to mention it, but I like to have a little tiny bit of hope. But in general, I'm telling you statistically, guys, if you're having hope, it's a way better bet to bet on yourself being okay getting out of the situation you're in, if you're still in it or healing from it and being able to say, I know I'm better off.
(15:19)That's what you should be betting on. The statistics are way higher for people surviving after narcissistic abuse and healing than staying with one and the narcissist actually changing. First of all, if that even happened, it would take probably decades and your damage would be so much worse. So my advice is always get the fuck out. So I want you today to take away this. You didn't cause their behavior. You can't change their wiring and you don't need to understand every move. That's the thing. We've got to get out of our heads here. You're not going to think your way out of narcissistic abuse.
(16:09)That's why we do somatic healing. Check my notes. Sign up for a session with me. You change from the body. The body remembers. You feel it in your body, don't you? Yeah. That's where we need to really heal, and we can do coaching all day long too. I love to, but the body is where it's at. So you just don't need to understand everything and figure everything out. You're not going to, you can understand from a zoomed out lens who a narcissist is, even stuff like this today, right? Understanding them a little more and a little insight goes a long way to help you detach, helping protect that piece. That's what this is about. You're not here to change them. You're not here to make them understand. You're not even here to say, I'm going to call you out and show you. I know what you're fucking doing. That can be how it feels when you start to heal. You want to do that and want to be like, oh, now I know, and no, this is about peace. How can you have peace? How can you control your end of things? How can you stop internalizing their dysfunction?
(17:20)How do you stop internalizing their dysfunction? It's all this stuff. Listening to me and other people talk about it, learning about it, getting coaching with me, getting somatic healing with me. Somatic healing is fire. I love talking about it. It's magic. But this episode isn't about that. We can go there, but I want to finish this up. Getting a little lengthy. I try to keep this under 20 minutes. So look, this is about liberation, not a diagnosis, right? It's about the truth, your truth, the real truth, not their truth. Their truth is a fake truth. They're fake. They have a facade. So if you want to go deeper, of course, look at my show notes to see if you would like to do coaching. If you do somatic healing, we can do a combination. If you have questions about working with me or I have an Empowered Boundaries course, I actually still have not taken the coupon code off that.
(18:27)So it's your lucky. It's your lucky day. Maybe I'll keep this through the week. One more week. I know people are vacationing. Keep it one more week. It's 50% off. That's insane. I don't do that. I don't do that for this course. I don't think I've ever done 50% off till this month. If you need help setting boundaries, it's an amazing course for a good price right now. So always look at my show notes to see how to work with me, and you can also email me. My email is in there. It's fierce Mama C at Gmail, okay? So I would love to help you reset your nervous system, set boundaries and actually feel powerful. They take it, they take our power. I get it, and I'd love to help you feel in whatever way that is. You let me know, email me. We can do a customized program.
(19:18)I do it some of my clients where we do coaching and somatic. Or if you just want to do the body work, you just want to do the coaching, whatever feels good to you, also, please click the little follow button. If you're not following my podcast, follow it actually helps you, but it helps me too. Let's help each other. It helps me reach more women that need this help. And this is like there's a lot of us out there. So if I can help more and more people, that would be amazing. So if you can help me get there by taking 20 seconds to scroll around and find that little follow button, the algorithm actually does make that. So the more people that do that, the more followers I have, the more they spit me out to show other women who are also searching for narcissistic abuse help to get my podcast.
(20:13)So I love helping. So I'm going to definitely have you guys help me and it'll help you because you'll get notification of all my podcasts. Yay. Alright? So don't forget, Thursdays are Thrive in Five. I usually have them related to our Tuesday episodes. So it's like maybe a somatic exercise or experience, five minutes or under, and to just get a little body work in on your own. So until then, protect that energy. Put a big, shiny, golden love bubble around you. Protect yourself. Love your future self and your past self, right? Give her grace. None of this is your fault. None of this is your fault. I've seen so many people say, oh, why would they stay in that situation? They don't get it. They don't have to get it F them, okay? You know why you stayed? It was scarier to leave probably for many reasons. I get it. I get you. Okay. You're not broken, you're just waking up. Alright, Queens, love you. See you in the next episode.

How to Spot a Narcissist in 60 Seconds

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Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):
https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com
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TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, Queens. So we're here today to talk about how to spot a narcissist. You don't need a psychology degree to know something feels off in under 60 seconds today. Let's break down the one trait to watch for no matter what type of narcissist you're dealing with, welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen, this one's for you. So ulnar narcissists, covert, overt, communal, or malignant have one thing in common. They violate your boundaries and then make you question yourself for having any. So whether it's the passive guilt tripping or outright crazy rage, they will do whatever it takes to stay in control, right? We no doubt about all narcissists is they need control, and if they don't have it, they're going to try to get away.
(01:09)Find a way to get it right, and it's very exhausting. So here's what you can do. Take note of how you feel after every interaction with this person. If you feel drained, anxious, confused, or like you're constantly apologizing, trust that your nervous system is picking up on what your brain is trying to rationalize. I'm going to say that again. Your nervous system is picking up on what your brain is trying to rationalize, right? They're a little separate, our brain and our body. So it can take a second for our nervous system to pick up on what's going on. So you breathe, you exhale, and you wait and see how you feel. And if you feel like your boundaries have been violated, you remind yourself, I am allowed to have boundaries. I am not the problem. Right? So there's also a quote that I love that I'm going to share with you.
(02:25)Maybe you've heard it. It's a good one. Especially it comes to narcissists and keeping a distance from them. It's a good reminder. The people who don't like you having any boundaries are those who benefit from you having none. Drop the mic, right? So that is something to pay attention to if they're violating your boundaries and if you set boundaries, how they make you feel about that, right? All of these things go hand in hand. You're feeling drained, anxious, confused, constantly apologizing, right? You may have brief windows of when they're love bombing you or trying to make you feel ultra special just to get you to the next encounter where they suck you dry because you are feeding them. So if you have that pattern, you don't want that pattern. Nobody wants that pattern. So if you have that pattern, get away from that pattern. Come on, go listen to more episodes.
(03:34)And speaking of more episodes, if you want the full breakdown on those four narcissistic types that I mentioned, the covert, overt, communal, or malignant, and how to protect your piece from each one, go listen to Tuesday's episode. Which narcissist are you dealing with? So you can figure out which kind you're dealing with, how to deal with them. Alright, I hope you enjoyed this brief yet, hopefully empowering podcast episode. And as a reminder, I have my regular episodes on Tuesdays and then our Thrive in Fives on Thursdays. And if you would please to help me out and to help you out, find that follow button if you are not following and go check, because sometimes I've had people think they're following my podcast and they aren't, right? So just go double check that you are in fact following. And as always, any information on working with me one-on-one or purchasing My Empowered Boundaries course will always be in the podcast description box. And I hope you have a fabulous, fabulous day. And I hope that if you do spot a narcissist, you run. Alright, see you in the next episode.
(04:54)That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.
 

Which Narcissist Are You Dealing With? Unmasking the 4 Types That Wreck Your Peace

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Join my free PRIVATE FACEBOOK page!
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Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):
https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
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Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon
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TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ever wondered why your narcissist experience feels different than someone else's? One moment they're charming. The next, they're ice, cold or worse playing the victim. In today's episode, we're breaking down the four main types of narcissists and how each one uniquely wrecks your piece. How lovely of them. So if you've been confused, stuck or second guessing your reality, girl, I've been there, but the clarity is coming. So let's go. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and drive ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here. To feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.
(01:04)Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you, so steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Welcome back to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast where we reclaim peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse. I'm your host, Christy Jaden. Today we're calling out the many faces of narcissism because not all narcissists look the same. Some are loud and in your face, some hide behind fake humility. Some are so covert you don't even realize what's happening until you've become a shell of who you used to be. So we're going to shine a light on these patterns and help you name the one you're dealing with or healing from.
(02:04)And queen naming it is a very powerful first step to taking your peace back. So you might be wondering, does it really matter what kind of narcissist I dealt with? My answer is yes. That's why we're here. So because the way a covert narcissist manipulates you is wildly different from how an overt one does, and if you don't understand the specific tactics used on you, you may keep replaying those wounds in your mind thinking it was your fault. So understanding the type brings clarity, which brings relief. We like that you love a little relief. Yeah, language to describe your experience and empowerment, to set those specific boundaries. That's the really, really, that's the gold right here. Or in some cases going full. No contact. If you are in a space, you can do that. So let's get into it. Number one, the overt narcissist. We can call this the obvious one.
(03:09)This is the one most people think of loud, arrogant, controlling, often very aggressive signs of that include bragging constantly like, oh yeah, and I got this house and I got this car. Or oh, even. It could even be an extension to their children. Oh, my kid does this and that, and yes, and I did that when I was young and goes on and on. Everything is about them and everything is grandiose. Then demeaning others to feel superior. They could be talking about people at their job. You could experience it. You're out with them to eat, and they're treating the wait staff like trash. They're putting other people down. The third thing is outbursts. When they are criticized, this is a big one. If you're familiar with walking on eggshells, this is probably them. They wanted control and admiration at all costs. So if they're criticized at all, even just a teensy bit, they are going to turn not happy real quick.
(04:19)Okay, number two is the covert narcissist. This is the victim. This one is sneakier. They seem kind, soft spoken, maybe even shy sometimes, but underneath they play the victim. They use guilt to control the guilt trips. Those are just the worst, aren't they? And they will emotionally withdraw as punishment. This one is huge. So think about that. Is the covert narcissist in your life? This is one of the big signs, emotionally withdrawing. You might not have seen that it was punishment, but it is. So we're starting to connect some dots here. You may have found yourself constantly apologizing and never feeling quite good enough, even though they acted like you were the problem. Okay? So you're apologizing when you feel like maybe you didn't do anything, but they're making you out to be the problem. Okay? So the third is the communal narcissist. This is the saint.
(05:36)They look like the good guy we talked about in a very recent episode. They can very much be the goodbye. A good guy, I can't speak today, maybe a pastor, a teacher, a charity worker. They look great. They're a saint to the outside world. They help others to be seen as a hero, though, not because they genuinely care. And if you're really close to them, you can see signs of that. But they'll say things like, I do so much for everyone and no one appreciates me. And this is a pattern, and this is a personality trait. So I just want to shout out to a lot of you moms here, we all might say that at some point, right? In our homes. So this isn't like anyone who ever says, no one appreciates me. We have our moments. This is a pattern, it's a personality trait.
(06:38)And they do it with many people that are close to them behind closed doors, and in a manipulative way. This isn't just a raw meltdown because they've just reached the end of the rope and they're having a hard day. This is a common thing for the communal narcissist. It's manipulation, masked as virtue. Okay, look at all I do and woe is me. Okay? Number four, this is, ugh, the malignant narcissist, the dangerous one. They're all dangerous, but this is a step up. This one combines narcissism with aggression and maybe violence. So first, they actually enjoy watching others suffer.
(07:34)Number two, on this, they can be emotionally or physically abusive. That obviously steps it up in the danger zone. And a lot of people come to me complaining about gaslighting. Ding, ding, ding. Here we are. They often gaslight and intimidate. If you felt scared or emotionally destroyed in the dynamic of the relationship you were in, please know you are not crazy. And I know you're probably starting to figure that out, but it can take a minute. You were dealing with the darkest kind of narcissist, okay? Think about that narcissist. I mean all around. Not good news. And you were dealing with the darkest kind and healing from this takes serious support and self-compassion, of course. So be good to yourself. Give yourself grace during this time. So what if you heard all those and you're not really sure? Sometimes they don't fit neatly into a little narcissist box.
(08:49)You might see traits from multiple types, and that is totally fine. The point isn't to label them with an exact name, right? One of these four or else, no. It's to understand what was done to you, how it impacted you, and how to reclaim your voice and your power now. So if you're still asking, well, why do I feel so broken after someone who seemed nice? Chances are you were dealing with a covert or a communal narcissist, and naming it isn't just validating, it is freeing. You can now know that and research even more. And I'll be doing more episodes. And obviously if you want to work one-on-one with me, we can go deeper into the specifics of the person you were in relationship with or that you're healing from. So we know what next steps to take specifically for you. So if you want to work one-on-one with me, I always have my link in there to do that.
(09:57)And if you are learning how to set boundaries with any of these narcissists, I have my Empowered Boundaries Course. Guys, this is 50% off because I don't know if I actually announced it on my podcast. I sent an email out, but I don't know if I announced it. So I'm going to extend it for a few more days. 50% off, which I don't think I've ever done that. If I did, it was a very long time ago. 50% off My Empowered Boundaries course. This is for any type of narcissist, how to set boundaries and not just with narcissists, with anyone, toxic with anyone, period in your life. So go check that out. It gives all the details and it's 50% off for a few more days. So get in there and grab your spot if you want that it is prerecorded, which is beautiful, you can do it at your own pace and always email me with questions.
(10:56)My email is always in the description box of the podcast in the show notes. So I hope this was helpful. If you want to go deeper, obviously sign up for one-on-one with me for coaching and that boundaries course. If you need, just help straightening up your boundaries, but you're not alone, you're not crazy and queen, you are coming back to life. I see you. I see your sparkle from here, okay? Alright. Until next time, stay strong. Let me see, let me see those muscles. Okay, queen, look at her. All glittery and strong. It's a beautiful combo and you got it. Alright, stay smiling and I will see you on Thursday's episode. Don't forget, please, please follow me on my podcast. It actually helps me reach more people and I love that. So if you could take just 30 seconds, if you are not following my podcast, please go to wherever you're watching it.
(11:53)Just scroll. It'll be sometimes they hide it a little. If you can just find whatever it says, follow so you can follow it. It really helps my algorithm to reach more people and it'll help and get that notification every time I post, which in this case will be Thursday because we do our thrive in five on Thursdays, which if you don't know, is some form of somatic healing that's healing from the body. Just short little exercises to do to help you get through this really tough time. Alright, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you did, go ahead. Always feel free to share it with someone who could use it. I know sometimes we have friends or family members that also are going through a similar situation, so feel free to send them this and they can follow it too. Alright? The more people that can get this information, the less narcissists get away with, the more we shine the light on this, right? So let's make this a damn revelation revolution. Yeah, I'm tired guys. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Keep that chin up and that crown high.

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Thrive in 5 Anxiety Reset

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Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):
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Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?
Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello Queens. Welcome to your anxiety reset. So if your thoughts are racing, your chest feels tight, or your energy is just all over the place, this is for you. And you don't need to fix everything. You just need to come home to yourself right here, right now, in this moment. So let's just take a few minutes to shift your state. So first, I invite you to place your feet flat on the ground barefoot if you can. And this can be inside your home, or if you want to pause and run outside, maybe behind your house or maybe, hey, if you want to go out into the woods and be free, go do that. But feeling the earth, the ground underneath you wiggle your toes. Now imagine roots growing from the soles of your feet down deep into the floor or earth beneath you. And you can say this out loud or silently, and you can repeat after me. I am supported. I am grounded. I am here.
(01:21)Okay, and take a deep breath as you let your body just land. Now let's do a calming breath pattern. Today. We're going to inhale through our nose for four seconds, and we're going to hold it for two. And exhale for six. So 4, 2, 6. Inhale through your nose. 4, 3, 2, 1. Hold for one, two, exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And you can repeat this three times. Each time you exhale, imagine letting go of another layer of tension. And while you do these breaths, 4, 2, 6, I will speak to you with a little affirmation. So inhale four. With every breath I return to peace. I don't need to rush, I just need to breathe.
(02:41)All right, and we'll finish up our last inhalation and exhalation. Beautiful. Now we open the throat where stress and unspoken emotions, any of you have some of those they love to hide in the throat, right? So let's take a deep breath in, and this time, as you exhale, make a sound. Any sound, inhale could be a sigh, a hum, or a soft ah. Whatever it is, just let your body guide you. It will, you've got to feel free about this. Don't be shy. We're all here together. Let's do that again. Opening the throat, take a deep breath in and exhale, whatever. I sounded like a police siren. Whatever comes out is correct. It's right for you. All right, one more time. As you're inhaling, exhaling, I'm going to speak in affirmation to you. It's safe to let it out. My voice helps me heal. Yes. Now place your hands over your heart and your belly. Gently press in and feel your body rise and fall with your breath. And this time you can do it. If you want to inhale through your nose and out your mouth, that halo breath is my favorite. You're welcome to do that. Or if you just want to breathe at a normal pace or extra deep, whatever feels good for you, and I'm going to speak affirmations over you.
(04:45)I am safe in this moment. I am connected to myself. Peace lives in me. I love that peace lives in me. Let yourself sit in that for just a few more seconds. Peace lives in me. Yeah. How do you feel You did that? Five minutes. One nervous system shift and a powerful reminder. Your body knows the way home. It can find its way home if you give it a little space. If you want more tools like this, don't forget to tune in and follow my podcast. So go poke around. Sometimes they make it hard to find, but it's really important to help you be able to get the notifications every podcast that comes out. But also, do you know, it helps our podcasts, us podcasters, it us actually reach more people. When you hit follow, it helps the algorithm so that I am able to help more amazing queens like you.
(06:08)So if you wouldn't mind for yourself and for me, little Christie, Jade over here, if you could just find that follow button, I would so appreciate it. I'll give you the biggest, biggest air hug ever. And who doesn't want a little nervous system reset and a hug. Right. Alright. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. And I'm so proud of you for taking just these few minutes every Thursday. This is the Thrive in Five. Save these episodes. You can always go back to your favorites to just get a little reset. We all could use it.

He Was Nice… So Why Do I Feel So Broken? The Truth About ‘Good Guy’ Narcissists

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Somatic Sparkle 1:1 Sessions (mentioned in episode):
https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
Narcissistic Abuse 1:1 Coaching:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
✨Wanna take your boundary game to the next level?
Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations or anything else? Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com
Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation
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Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon
https://amzn.to/46dDSYk
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello Queens. Do you ever look back and think, well, he didn't cheat, or he didn't hit me, or he didn't X, Y, Z. Fill in the blank. So why do I feel like I'm still healing from a damn war? Let's talk about the nicer narcissists, the ones who smiled while they crushed your self-worth. Yeah, we're going to go there today. Stay tuned. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.
(01:00)Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, so let's talk about this nice guy or nice girl narcissist. They exist, right? And I have had my own experience with one of them and to the outside world, they are awesome. When you first meet them. They can be very awesome and charismatic and almost overly attentive in a way to you, but they end up as you get closer, and it can happen pretty quickly. As you get closer and more familiar with them and they get you under their thumb or in their spider web, whatever you want to call it, it can really shift and it can be a slow shift, or sometimes it can be a quick shift depending on how much control they feel they have, at what level they have control of you and feel like you're starting to be somewhat dependent.
(02:23)This can be romantic relationship, obviously, but there's also friendships that can be like this, or even boss situation ships, which is, I did have a situation like that where I thought I had the best boss ever until it quickly turned, and so that's a story for another time. But I feel you. I know what it feels like and you're like, they were a good guy, right? Maybe they never even yelled. They didn't lay a hand on you. Maybe they brought you flowers, polite to your friends, said they wanted to whine and dine you. So why do you feel so confused, manipulated, lost, whatever you want to call it. The truth is, just because someone looks and acts kind doesn't always mean they are safe, emotional abuse, isn not about the volume, it's about the control. There's subtle erosion. I'm going to repeat that. It's about control, and there is subtle erosion.
(03:29)Like I said, it can be quick, but usually it's a more subtle erosion unless they really rope you in fast. So that's exactly what the nice narcissists do best. So if you're wondering whether what you went through was bad enough to call abuse, let me tell you this with love, if you feel broken, if you feel like you lost yourself, if you're second guessing, your worth, your memory, right? Are you wondering, did that happen that way? Maybe I'm remembering it wrong. Your reality. That is enough. These covert narcissists, the good guys, they don't throw plates. They throw confusion. Okay? Look, they don't often yell. They withhold, they gaslight, they guilt trip. They charm the room. Like I said, they can be very charismatic and they make you feel like the crazy one. When you get upset, show any emotion, right? So let's break it down. Here are some signs that you were dealing with a nice guy, narcissist, or maybe you're currently in this situation. First of all, they rarely show anger, but you're always the one apologizing, right? So there is that shift of they might not show outward anger, but you always end up apologizing and kind of tiptoeing walking on eggshells.
(05:11)Two, they weaponized guilt, but I was just trying to help you, right? They're weaponizing guilt, and that's similar to three where they play the victim, I do everything for you and you're still not happy. Does that sound familiar? Number four, they're liked by everyone else. So you question your reactions constantly, right? Maybe these covert and over narcissists can often be a popular in communities. They can be leaders, they can be very good people, persons. How do you say that? People, A people person. But they're different with you. And it can be, like I said, that slow, slow erosion, the subtle erosion. So you kind of question yourself like, well wait, everyone else seems to love them, right? But that's very common, even with non narcissists. With abusers in general, they can be, they're not always, they can be abusive and jerks to everybody, but there are many that in the public eye, they're smiling, they're charismatic, they're overly accommodating or kind of love bombing, right?
(06:41)We're just giving compliments or, oh, you're so awesome and valuing people on the outside, but they don't. They go home and probably talk shit about those people and the people they're closest with, whoever is their victim or victims on their inner circle will get the treatment that narcissists give. So number five goes to they never said outright. Maybe they didn't call you names. Maybe they didn't say you're worthless, but you felt worthless in the relationship. So it makes it hard when you're like, well, they never said that. They didn't abuse me with the words, but somehow they made you feel worthless, and that is not on you, and you've got manipulated now to feel like it is maybe in your head or you question yourself, or you go back to that whole, am I remembering right? You are honey. You're remembering just perfectly your truth.
(07:46)Okay? So let's be clear here. Emotional safety, feeling safe in your emotions, in your body is not about how someone acts in public. It's about how you feel in their presence behind closed doors, and that's important. I definitely have had clients where it's very confusing to them where they feel like I must be the crazy one. No, they're acting different to you, but it's in a subtle way. It's not blatant. So you're questioning it. Don't question it. So you're not dramatic, you're not broken. You are conditioned to doubt yourself. Conditioning is a very important word in the narcissistic world. I say it a lot throughout, especially my recent podcasts, I've noticed because that word is a good one. If you're not familiar with get familiar with it, maybe you weren't outright physically harmed. Maybe they did not, like I said, scream at you, curse at you, but they manipulated and calculated and conditioned you to doubt yourself slowly and subtly, and that's why it's so hard to name A lot of the times it was slow. It is slow and subtle so much that you don't even catch it. So this healing journey from this specific type of narcissist is especially tricky, right? It's no easier because your brain was trained conditioned to justify their behavior. I want to say that again because this is a through line. With anyone going through narcissistic abuse in general, your brain was trained to justify their behavior.
(09:53)Also, your heart still misses the version of them they gave you maybe in the beginning, maybe the version of them that lives in the public eye that you wanted it them to be. That's a version. Guess what? It's a fake version. It's not reality. I know that sucks. You can't do X, Y, Z to make them be that way. That is not them. The true them that their inner circle, their victims will see is the version you got, and your body holds the trauma even when your mind keeps saying, but they were so nice or they did do this to me, right? I mean, let's point that out. There are highs and lows with these people. There's the more subtle lows than with the other types of narcissists that are more outward. But your body is remembering those parts, and your mind is trying to fight with your body.
(11:08)Like, oh, wait, oh wait, because you've been conditioned, right? So what do I love to do? Come on in class. Anyone? Anyone? Yes, you in the back? Yes. Listen to the body. The body speaks very loudly. If you let it and you listen, I'm going to say it again. The body speaks very, very loud and clear. When you actually let it and you listen, not when you have your mind, shut it down. Not when you feel your life with so much busyness and chaos that you're continuing, you're used to chaos and you continue the cycle. Even if you're away from the narcissist, you may still have a chaotic life because you're so used to it and you don't know what to do When you actually sit still and let your body, let your soul, let the silence let you speak. Sometimes it's scary to do that because there's trauma in there and it's not fun.
(12:19)But let me correct that. Okay, I'm Christie. Hello. I do somatic healing. Do you know this about me? And we actually, it can be a little intense, right? I'm not going to lie, but we can have fun too. I try to make this a fun empowering journey for you guys. So if you want to sign up for somatic healing, which is healing the body because it remembers and you want actual long term help where you are rewriting things and your body is actually releasing all of this, sign up. I have a link always in my description box of my podcast to sign up for somatic healing session. So it can be an enjoyable, empowering journey. It doesn't have to be dark and scary, okay? I wouldn't do that to you. I wouldn't let that happen. I keep you safe, and I do titration, which if you don't know what that is, you might if you're in the science world, but that is really going very slowly back and forth to make sure you are totally comfortable in every single session, every step of the way you will be taken care of.
(13:39)We're not going to retraumatize you. We're not going to let you go in a deep, dark hole. That is not the point. We are going to slowly heal the shit out of you. How's that sound? All right, I sidetracked there a second. So let's get back to it and wind things down. Here's what I want you to do. Step one, well sign up. Sign up for somatic healing with me. That will, I mean, I may be biased, but that will definitely help. But step one, besides that, validate yourself. Start saying it out loud. That was emotional abuse. Saying it out loud has helped me in my journey. And writing things down too, like putting pen to paper, saying it out loud to the world. That was abuse, that was emotional abuse. That clarity can be very, very powerful if you have not done that yet.
(14:36)Step two, you can track the patterns. Notice what you excused, what you believed, what you ignored, not shaming yourself. Look, we're not going to judge past us. No, no, no, ma'am. We want you to be aware to what? To just help yourself in the future. I don't want you to beat yourself up. I hear this so much with clients. I wish I would've seen this. I wish I would've done that. Well, guess what, Susie? We got to move forward. We're not going to live in the past, okay? We have this one life. I'm not going to let you focus on what you could have, should have, would've. We can all do that all day long. That's no fun either. Okay? So eat some chocolate cookies. Notice what you excused, what you believed, what you ignored, and decide what you don't want to do in the future, in your future relationships, whether it be romantic or friendships, right?
(15:34)What you're going to tolerate, what you're not going to tolerate, and do not be judgmental to the past, previous you. Be an encourager of yourself just like you would a friend, right? Step three, rebuild yourself. Trust. Ooh, that's a stinger. Self-trust is such a big word for narcissistic abuse survivors. It is hard to trust yourself after you've gone through something. You're like, how the hell when you're on the other side? And it depends where you are in your journey, but if you're on the other side, sometimes you get to a certain point. You're like, now, if I let that happen, all that happen, and now I have these kids and this, and there's a divorce, and there's that all this nonsense, you're so upset with yourself, it's hard to trust yourself again. So you have to start with small decisions. Say no when you may know.
(16:34)Say yes to your needs, because building time for you can actually build self trust because you are getting acquainted with yourself again, right? We're reclaiming you. So start small. Just start small with small decisions. Even just what do I want? Do I want that chocolate chip cookie? Hell yeah, I do. And eat the chocolate chip cookie and say, I really like chocolate chip cookies, right? Maybe your ex didn't let you eat cookies. Christie's here to say, eat the damn cookie. Okay? And step four, back to Somatic Christie over here. Get support, right? This could be a therapist. This could be me. I love helping women like you, obviously. That's why I'm here. I love doing this podcast. I love being able to create space for people who feel so confused and lost and give them some sort of clarity and guidance. I love it. But when I get to work one-on-one with you guys and impact you and watch, oh, it's the most amazing feeling to watch my clients go from just, how do you describe it?
(17:54)This just lost, stuck, this stuckness, this loss, confusion, judgment on themselves. All the feelings you're going through, and to be able to be with you on the journey. And we get to heal. I get to help you heal and you heal yourself. How empowering that is that you get to do that. And when you're on the other side, I mean my clients, when they are on the other side, the holy shit moments and the amount of people who have said, I can't believe I am where I am now. I never would've thought that happened. And usually that's also saying, I can't believe that happened so quickly. People think, oh God, this is going to take a lifetime to undo the damage. No, it's not. Ma'am. We move quickly. My best friend doesn't call me Bunny for no reason. Okay? Again, I titrate to make sure you're comfortable.
(18:59)But it's one of those things where when you go slowly and you do it the right way, you zoom out. It's actually a lot quicker than you would think. Hard to explain until you do it. So sign up for a session. Alright? So take two minutes today and ask where did I lose myself to keep the peace? Where did I lose myself to keep the peace? We might be surprised what comes up. So if this hit home for you, please, first of all, sign up for a session with me and send this to a friend who might be quietly struggling or loudly struggling. If you know anyone else that could use help with this type of relationship, situationship, whatever, please forward this to them. And of course, I always have My Empowered Boundaries course. I will link that as well. That's at your own pace.
(19:56)You purchase the course and each week a new video drops, and that's 10 weeks, 10 videos, and you have a lifetime access to it if you really have a tough time with setting boundaries. But today, I feel like we're really also focusing on that healing from the body. So sign up for the one-on-one session. You're not alone, you're not crazy. I am here and I would love to help you. Just because he didn't scream or curse or hit you, doesn't mean you didn't suffer. And just because you're not bleeding on the outside doesn't mean it was not abuse. You are powerful. You are worthy when you say that I am worthy. Yeah, you're reclaiming your peace. One truth, that's your truth, right? Not their truth. Your truth. One truth at a time. Alright, until next episode we have every Thursday we have the Thrive in five, where I do some type of somatic healing, breath work, meditation, visualization, all the fun, every Thursday, little shorter episodes to keep you grounded. So make sure you follow my podcast so you get the notifications of the new episodes that pop up. I'm Tuesdays and Thursdays and stay royal because he's the Queen. Alright, see the next one.
 

Lost Yourself in the Narcissist’s Chaos? Reconnect in Just 5 Minutes

Feel like you’ve lost yourself in the chaos of narcissistic abuse?In this 5-minute reconnection ritual, you’ll ground your body, clear your mind, and start remembering you.You’re not broken—you’re buried. Let’s bring you back.
 
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https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
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Grab my Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
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TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello Queen. If you've been walking around feeling like a stranger in your own life, this one is for you. So after narcissistic abuse, it is normal to feel lost. That is a very common thing because you have been surviving, you've shape shifted, you've been silencing your own needs, but underneath it, you are still there. That's the good news. You're there and you got a shiny gold crown. So today we're going to reconnect back to her fast, fierce, and focus. That's why it is thrive in five. Okay? Ain't, ain't nobody got time for all that noisy narcissist.
(00:45)Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Alright, so let's kind of shake the day off. Shake any emotions you have around this relationship, shake it off. That can be through your arm shaking. Maybe you shake your legs out, shake your feet. Alright? And if you feel safe, you can close your eyes or just have a steady gaze focusing on one spot in the room. Maybe feel your feet on the floor or if you're sitting, laying down wherever your body is, meeting the support. Now breathe in through your nose. Slow and deep exhale out of your mouth. This is a halo breath. It's my favorite one to just calm the nervous system. So we're inhaling. And you can imagine light, a beautiful, warm white light entering your body through your nose. And as you exhale, release the fog, the confusion, that noise of the narcissist and any relationship you have with them. Okay, in with the light, releasing the noise one more time in with the light. Hold it at the top and release. Really exhale, getting rid of every last drip drop of that nasty noise. Okay, so I invite you to place your hand on your heart and repeat after me. I am still here.
(02:50)I may have been silenced, but I was never erased. Go. Good. Every breath brings me closer to my truth. Beautiful. So we're going to do a quick visualization. Imagine yourself as a glowing outline, whatever color you wish, a glowing outline, dimmed but intact, fully intact, dimmed with each breath. And you can do again, the halo breath in through the nose, out the mouth, or whatever you're comfortable doing with each breath. Light fills in your outline, making it brighter, making it stronger, making it whole. That's your soul. It's not gone. It's just waiting. And she's ready. So imagine breathing in and exhaling. And each breath, just imagine this beautiful light filling every part of inside of your glowing outline.
(04:19)Go at your own pace. This is your light. This is your journey. This is you 2.0, baby, you ready? In and out. Wonderful. Now you don't have to find yourself. You are remembering yourself. And maybe you don't remember if you had childhood abuse where maybe you were dimmed at a young age and you don't even remember you were still there, which is very young. You are returning to yourself and every time you pause, you breathe and reconnect like we're doing today. You reclaim a piece of that power, of your power. You're not lost. You're coming home. Now, let's say that again. I'm coming home. Repeat after me. I'm coming home. How does that feel in your body? I am coming home. You get to be your own home. That is the most empowering thing in the world. When I started my journey, I remember I started to refer to my home like myself as my home. And it's so empowering. This is your home. This is your safety. And even if you don't quite feel there yet, keep doing these visualizations. Keep doing the work. Save some of these thrive in fives to come back to, because the more you do these, you are getting back to that part of you, right? That power. You're not lost, you are coming home.
(06:28)I hope this short visualization, meditation, whatever you want to call it, helped give you a little reset. And this should be a reminder to you that you are doing the work, you are taking the time out because you're still in there and you know can get back. You can to her. She's waiting for you. So I'm very proud of you and you should be proud of yourself. So let's all give ourselves an extra little hug. I'm hugging myself too. I did it. Look at me. Okay? I'm so proud of you. And don't forget to save these thrive in fives. They are wonderful to go back to whenever you feel like it could be. First thing in the morning while you're brushing your teeth, you don't have to be laid out on a bed.
(07:29)Anything is better than nothing when it comes to doing the mindset work, the body work, any of this. Okay? I am so excited you're doing this for yourself, and I'll see you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your peace like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.