NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

The Trauma Bond Hangover: Why Healing Feels Harder Than Leaving and How to Heal from It

You finally broke free — but why does it still feel so hard to breathe?In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down what no one tells you about life after the trauma bond.
If you’ve ever caught yourself craving the chaos, feeling pulled to respond to that text, or getting triggered by their name — even though you know they’re toxic — this one’s for you.
You’re not weak. You’re not “going backward.”You’re experiencing what Christy calls the trauma bond hangover — that emotional, mental, and physical crash that happens when your body is detoxing from dysfunction.
👑 Your Next Step in Healing
✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse?Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below:
🌸 Empowered Boundaries CourseLearn how to set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral. Includes 10 video modules, a meditation bundle, and lifetime access.→ https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
💖 1:1 Coaching + Somatic HealingReclaim your peace, power, and clarity in a private, guided journey with Christy. This is where REAL customized transformation is made!→ https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey
✨ Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250✨ Join the FREE Facebook Community for daily support + sisterhood → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade✨ Snag your Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts for boundary convos that actually work → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/
💬 Episode Highlights
Why guilt spikes when a toxic parent gets older or sick
The truth about “honoring your parents” — and what that really looks like in abuse recovery
How to stop confusing compassion with obligation
Nervous system tools to stay grounded when guilt-tripping starts
Christy’s personal reflection on balancing empathy with self-care
🩷 Let’s Connect
Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/
Email me!
fiercemamac@gmail.com
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Alright, so you finally got out, you blocked, deleted. Maybe you even changed your number. So why does it still feel like you've been hit by a damn emotional freight train? Today we're going to talk about the part no one really warns you about the trauma bond hangover, the weird, awful mix of craving the chaos, feeling that pull to check their page or getting instantly triggered when their name pops up on your phone. I know that one, even when you know they're toxic, your body's still wired to respond like it is life or death. So you're not weak, you're healing from an emotional addiction. So we're going to talk about what is really going on underneath and how to help calm that nervous system so you can finally actually start to feel free.
(00:53)Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there and let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:51)Okay, queen, let's be honest, nobody really talks about this part. Everyone cheers you on when you're finally leaving the narcissist. You did it, you're free. I hated that mofo. But what happens when freedom doesn't just immediately feel peaceful? You may think you're going to get this huge relief and you may get some, but you expected more and it could be years later and you could still be stuck in feeling that lack of peace. So what happens when your brain keeps checking for danger or your body jolts every time you see their name, you're out of the relationship technically, but it still feels like they are living rent free in your damn head. That is the trauma bond hangover. And if you're in it, oh honey, I get it. I have been there. It is not a fun place. It is not a fun carnival and we want to help you get out.
(02:42)Okay, so I first, what is the trauma bond hangover? It is what happens when your body is still addicted to the roller coaster even though you've stepped off the ride. That's what we talk about somatic healing that I do with my clients. That's why we do that body work because your body is still stuck. So your brain was trained literally to associate chaos with connection, okay? Every love bomb, every cruel text, every silent treatment created these chemical spikes and crashes all about the rollercoaster, the dopamine, cortisol, all of it out of balance. So now when you try to rest, your nervous system doesn't know what to do. It's like what? Where's the next hit? Where's the next crisis? It's not that you miss them. Technically you miss the chemical storm or you get pulled in because it's so familiar. So it's not like, yes, you're not laying there going, God, I miss being sucked in the drama and I miss those highs and lows.
(03:53)You're not like consciously sitting there thinking about that, but your body is responding and it responds to what's comfortable. So if you get that jolt and your body goes, oh, this is comfortable, I'm getting that pang of fear that I see when I see this person's name, because when you lived with them and let's say they were physically abusive to you, even mentally abusive, it's all abuse. When you were dealing with it on a more intimate level, your body responded in a way, kind of like a survival mode way, and now your body is still stuck in that. It's having that same trigger and the same addiction technically. So your body, I don't want to say you miss the chemical storm, but your body misses. It became dependent on it, and your brain mistakes that storm for love because that's what it learned. I want to go say that's what it was conditioned for by your lovely narc.
(04:54)Okay, so let's be real. Trauma bonds do not dissolve the moment you block someone. That's just not how it works. Your body has to unlearn survival mode, and that's why we love somatic healing. But why does the healing feel harder than the leaving? So leaving takes adrenaline, okay, you're in action mode. You pack your things, you make a plan, you move. Healing is when you're away, maybe not completely away, but you're physically away in that daily sense, right? The more frequent being with this person, and that's when the silence hits. So that adrenaline fades and emotions rush in. It kind of reminds me of if you're, let's say caring for a very sick parent and you have adrenaline, you're taking them to the doctors, you are having a lot of immediate emotions worrying. Are they going to get so sick they pass, or is this the time I've gone through this myself?
(06:04)So I'm just comparing something that feels a little similar to me, right? It's all this adrenaline, it's what your body does in survival mode and to focus. You're talking to doctors, you're making things happen, getting the images from the hospital, doing all this. You're in go, go, go mode. And when they pass, there is a span of time where yes, that adrenaline continues. You're making the calls, you're talking people, you're hosting people, you're arranging, making all the arrangements. And then they say, always check on your friends. A few weeks after someone, a parent or someone close, whatever has passed, because that's when the silence trickles in. That's when the people aren't around as much and the adrenaline calms and you are with your thoughts and your fears and everything in silence, and the emotions can really rush in. Then so you start feeling everything you stuff down to basically survive, and that's when the cravings come.
(07:17)So the urge is to text, to peek at their profile even if you don't want to be back with them, and maybe you do, maybe you're in a place where you're questioning, did I make a mistake? I know that that can happen especially immediately after, but let's say you're further down the journey and you're like, hell no, I don't want to go back to that. But you still find yourself rereading their text messages, analyzing, talking to your friends about it, and even if you know they're baiting you, even if you know they haven't changed, you still do these things. Your body is saying, this silence feels unsafe. So you are at war. Your heart, your brain, your body, they're having different stories. Go on because for so long, chaos felt like home chaos felt like home, and I'm so glad it's not your home baby girl.
(08:13)But your body's still feeling like that. It's still comfortable with that. You might get triggered by the tiniest things, a song, a smell, a message, and this could be a nostalgic feeling or it could trigger you, and you get mad when you think about that person. I'm not saying it has to be one specific emotion, but it can trigger any emotions. Maybe you feel a buzzing under your skin like you're waiting for something bad to happen, right? That's not weakness. That is your nervous system trying to find the new normal. Like I said, it does not happen overnight. So how do we get through this hangover without taking their bait, without texting them back or losing our damn marbles? So we have to talk a little strategy. It can feel impossible if you don't understand what's happening. Your brain can just fire all over with all the different ideas and let me try to be the nice guy.
(09:17)Let me yell back at them, right? There's all these different ideas that spiral and you spiral and you spiral. So step one, don't spiral. Don't ground, okay? When the urge hits to take any kind, ofit, any kind of debate, I don't think that was good English there, but right to respond, to check, to fix, pause and breathe. Look around the room. You might've heard me talk about this before, but it's a simple thing you can do with your kindergartners so you can do it. We keep these things simple because when your brain's in overdrive like that, you need simple. Okay? So you might be like, Christie, you sound like you're talking to a five-year-old. I have to, okay, so you name five things you can see, just look around. Okay, I'm going to do it right now. So I'm pumped up. Even just from talking on podcast, getting passionate, thinking about right.
(10:13)Watch me calm down in a few seconds. Okay? I see a beautiful pearl necklace, I see beautiful roses. Oh, I see my palm tree bag. That immediately gives me peace. I am a palm tree obsessed woman. My rose gold brush that makes me happy and oh, a fuzzy flamingo pen. Now you know what weird shit I have on my house, but I feel my body already, just my nervous systems rebalancing. So that's what you do. Look around, name five things and then say, I'm safe right now. It sounds simple, but it tells your body you are not in danger anymore. All right? Now step two, move the energy out. You can shake your body, right? Shake your legs, shake your arms, shake your body line. I have a flamingo theme going on today. I have a flamingo, I don't know, stuffed animal thing that you press a button and it dances and sings and it sings that.
(11:24)Shake your body line, work, work, do it all the time. Something like that, and it just reminds me of that. Alright? I'm having a lot of a DD moments today. So you shake your body line, you walk, you stretch, whatever helps your body release those chemicals that are pumping from the stress cycle, okay? You're not just healing from your heart, you are retraining your nervous system. It's a whole system, okay? It's got a lot involved in step three, create a response plan for your triggers, right? I talked about those triggers that pop up. Write out what you'll do. I'm a pen to paper, girl, forget digital. Get yourself a planner or not planner a journal, do a planner too. I'm big on paper planners, but for this, a journal where you start writing some stuff down your affirmations, all the good stuff, but you could write down what you'll do when that text comes through or when you feel tempted to peek at something or a trigger comes just in general.
(12:32)So you can write it down. If they text me, I will screenshot it. Block and walk outside because you want to have evidence. I will say that keep all your evidence so you can screenshot it, block it, say I'll deal with it later and don't deal with it later. If you don't have to, you can block them momentarily. I know with co-parenting it's tough if you are allowed to block them permanently, block 'em permanently. If not, block it for a few moments. Go take a walk, and then if I get triggered, I'll do my grounding routine instead of reacting. So we're training ourselves, right? We're training ourselves. So we're writing pen to paper. If this happens, I'm doing this. We have a plan. We have to have a plan because you are just floating out there like a crazy old balloon in the wind and you need to get grounded.
(13:24)You need a plan to get grounded. So whatever works for you, you're creating a pause between trigger and action. We don't want that initial action to happen taking the bait and it will just not just affect you, but it will get them to engage with you more and more. You know how it works. You've been doing this. They love you to engage, they love you to take the bait and they thrive off the chaos. Don't give it to 'em. Another question, you can write down, what is the most peaceful thing I could do right now? Guess what? It's not responding. It's not spiraling, right? It's going and taking a walk. It's looking for five things in the room. It's making a lovely chocolate milkshake you deserve. And step four, fill the void with real connection. You cannot detox from chaos and isolation. You were probably in a very isolated place while you, you're with them.
(14:24)Most are very controlling. Try to keep you from the people that matter in your life. So you are free from that now, right? And you were wired for survival and you did whatever it took to stay alive in that relationship, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. And now you're learning what peace feels like. And it may feel weird at first me, it did. Hell yeah, it did. It's quiet, it's steady, it's predictable. If you make it that way, I'm a God person. So now to me, peace and joy is predictable because God wants me to have that every day. That's a whole other episode, but it's not exciting, like chaos. You miss the excitement. Your body may miss all those dopamine hits, but it's safe. And our goal is peace and safety now. So every time you choose not to respond, not to check, not to spiral, you're teaching your body that peace is the new normal and we love that it looks way better on you.
(15:30)I'll be honest than your chaos face. Nobody wants a chaos face. Should I make T-shirts with that? You're rewiring your heart from this fake love to true safety. So when that ache hits that urge to reach out or the trigger that just that visceral reaction it causes, remind yourself this is not a sign to go back, it's a sign. I'm just healing. My body's getting used to the new normal. It's not going to feel peace overnight. It's not going to feel calm overnight, but with some tools and I got plenty more tools and if you do one-on-one work with me. I always put the links, how to work with me in the show notes, one-on-one work we do. Customized definitely more than just looking around at five objects though that can help. We do a lot of deep, deep inner work to undo the damage and to retrain your brain and God's there with you in the stillness, right?
(16:28)Helping you rewire for real love, real peace and the real stuff, right? And freedom. Imagine what it would feel like if three months from now you barely remember what it was like to feel triggered every time you saw the phone ring, every time that you didn't know what to do or how to respond. You didn't know why they were doing this, saying this. You were terrified that your kids think you're the devil. Imagine if you could have a calm nervous system, what that would feel like. So I have a three month program. There is I think one opening left for ongoing three month, my three month program. I can only take a certain amount of those. That's some intense she is. We do mindset and somatic healing and that you got to show up to. I am not taking clients who are not committed to doing once a week work.
(17:34)That's a waste of time because if you're spending the money that you spend to do three months, you need to be showing up and that's where the transformation happens. Not showing up once and then a month and a half later like, Hey, oh, I signed up for my next, no, we do weekly calls and you get me on Voxer, which is like a walkie talkie app. Once a day I will chat with you, answer any questions, give you motivation, whatever you need in between those other calls. So you get this really fun feature when you sign up for three month. Okay? So check that out in my show notes. And if you're in this hangover phase, you feel in the pull the triggers. I also have Empowered Boundaries course. That's like a self-led thing. I will say the transformation you get on the three month one-on-one is much deeper, much longer lasting.
(18:32)But the Empowered Boundaries course is great for people who maybe aren't ready for that level yet, but want to start setting boundaries and doing a little of that energetic work. So that I will also put in my show notes and there is the Free Boundaries Pocket guide, which if you have not grabbed that, that's always there too. Alright? And remember, Thursday is Thrive in five. So that's always related to my Tuesday episode. So we will have a usually the somatic type thing or even maybe a motivational mini episode directly correlated to Tuesday's episode. So this week it will be related to this lovely trauma bond hangover. Okay? All right, and you guys have a great day, great week. You look amazing today. Go look at yourself. I want you to look in the mirror today. I want you to say I'm a damn queen and I look good.
(19:35)Yeah, you got to say it just like that too, because it's half the meaning. If you don't give it that sassy azzy, you are, you're a damn queen. I will see you in the next one on Thursday. Don't forget to make sure you're following my podcast wherever you're listening, just go to my main show and hit follow or subscribe. I don't know what it says. Some little button somewhere so that you don't miss me. I'm here twice a week just waiting to hang out. So you don't want to miss that, do you? No. All right. Love you Smooches Bye.

The Guilt Shift A 5-Minute Reset When You Feel Like a Bad Daughter for Setting Boundaries

🎙️ The Guilt Shift: A 5-Minute Reset When You Feel Like a “Bad Daughter” for Setting Boundaries
Feeling that heavy guilt after setting a boundary with your parent? In The Guilt Shift: A 5-Minute Reset When You Feel Like a “Bad Daughter” for Setting Boundaries, Christy Jade guides you through a soothing, soul-grounded reset to help you release guilt and come back to peace. Because protecting your energy isn’t disrespect — it’s divine self-care.
👑 Your Next Step in Healing
✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse?Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below:
🌸 Empowered Boundaries CourseLearn how to set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral. Includes 10 video modules, a meditation bundle, and lifetime access.→ https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
💖 1:1 Coaching + Somatic HealingReclaim your peace, power, and clarity in a private, guided journey with Christy. This is where REAL customized transformation is made!→ https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey
✨ Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250✨ Join the FREE Facebook Community for daily support + sisterhood → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade✨ Snag your Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts for boundary convos that actually work → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/
💬 Episode Highlights
Why guilt spikes when you set boundaries with aging or ill parents
The truth about “honoring your parents” — and how it changes after narcissistic abuse
A 5-minute mind-body reset to calm guilt in real time
How to reframe “I’m a bad daughter” into “I’m a peaceful protector”
Christy’s quick affirmation to release guilt and reclaim peace
🩷 Let’s Connect
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/Email → fiercemamac@gmail.com
TRANSCRIPT:
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. All right. On Tuesday we talked about if you have toxic, narcissistic parents, basically how to deal with that, how to get rid of the guilt a little bit. And today we're going to dive into a five minute reset when you do feel like a bad daughter for setting boundaries, okay? First of all, you're not a bad daughter. I said it in the last episode. You are a healing daughter, right? You're healing, you're breaking the cycle, so you are on the right path. I give you permission to say, I am a good daughter and I am a cycle breaker. Okay? So today I'm going to guide you through a quick mind, body reset to dissolve guilt in real time because we're not perfect.
(01:03)This stuff can take time. You start setting boundaries. It's not going to be perfect all the time. Look, I've been setting boundaries for a while now. In the beginning it was a little harder than it is now for sure. So this is a way, if that guilt creeps up to kind of walk away from a draining interaction with peace instead of that panic, visceral, right? Okay, so first you want to acknowledge the guilt, okay? When a feeling comes up, you always want to let it be there. We don't want to push feelings away. So you're going to let that guilt bubble up and you can say out loud, this guilt isn't truth. This is training. It's training and name where you feel it in your body. Do you feel it in your throat? Often that can be it. You're not being able to voice what you want.
(01:59)So the throat chakra can be a little clogged up the chest. That can be when you have a lot of sadness, aching for more with this relationship, you wish things weren't as they were. Is it in the stomach? Right? We get a lot of stomach disturbances with nerves and anxiety. So name where you feel it in your body, and then we're going to do a little somatic reset. You're going to place one of your hands on that spot. So for me, I would say it's usually in my throat. If I do have that creep up, I'm going to hold my throat. You hold whatever spot and you're going to take three deep breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth, ending with a sigh. Okay? So in out the mouth, I know it's a little weird, but we get weird in here, in through the nose, out through the mouth.
(03:08)One more in through the nose, hold it and release. It can get even louder. You start getting comfortable with it. Watch out. You're going to get real crazy. All right, we're going to do one more. Now this time I want you to inhale through the nose, inhaling peace, and we're going to exhale releasing the guilt. So inhale, peace and exhale. Imagine just blowing that guilt out to the universe, letting it disintegrate. Queens don't have guilt, okay, gross. It tastes disgusting, doesn't it? Guilt is awful. Okay, then we can reframe the thought. We're going to replace. I'm a bad daughter with the truth. What's the truth here? Well, I'll tell you, you came to the right spot. It is, I'm a peaceful protector, okay? You're not a bad daughter. You want peace. You don't want the chaos. You don't want the negativity. Am I right? You are ready for peace.
(04:17)You are over this shit. You're done with it. You want peace and you're a protector of yourself and this relationship, right? It's not just selfish. I mean it's not even selfish, but it's not just about yourself. Yes, you should protect yourself. God wants us to protect ourselves, right? You're protecting you, but you're also trying to protect and preserve a relationship because this is someone in your life that you love. Even if you don't, maybe like or they don't treat you well. There's something there. You are obviously trying to hold on to a little bit. You're saying, can I have that little string that connects us still? So if you're going to keep that string there, you're going to have to do some reframing. You're going to have to get rid of the idea. You're a bad daughter. That's going to make everything worse. If you have that story, you're a peaceful protector and let that just settle in your body. I am a peaceful protector. There's nothing wrong with that. Now you can take a micro action, you could text yourself a note. Peace is my proof of love.
(05:44)Peace is love, right? You are the peaceful one here. You're the one who's wanting love, who's wanting peace. They don't know how to give that to you. They're not really capable of giving it to. So looking to them for love or peace or rationality or uplifting or consistency. Anything that a healthy individual would be giving you if they loved you, they're not capable of that sort of love. So accepting that is something we have to do, and that's tough. Accepting that is, it's heartbreaking. I get it. I have had to do it. But you are peace. You want peace. You want love, okay? So you should have no guilt. You're wanting something that nobody should feel bad about wanting. You want peace, you want love, you want this relationship. So use this as your anchor during or after the contact with the parent or parents that are toxic or narcissistic, whatever they are.
(07:06)And then we can close with an affirmation. And again, you can note yourself. Just put on a sticky on your mirror, whatever. I can care, but I don't have to carry. I can care. You're an empath most likely, or a people pleaser. You're probably going to care. I mean, we're going to work on it so you don't care as much. But more importantly, caring and caring are different. I can care, but I don't have to carry and I can love, but I don't have to lose myself for that love. That's not love. When we're in a loving relationship that is healthy, we're actually the best version of ourselves, and that's with the help of the other person who is reciprocating our love and knows how to treat another human. These people just don't get that. They don't have the ability, they do not have the ability to love or to be at peace, but we do, right?
(08:26)I mean, get a little excited about that. God, at least we're not them. I say that almost every day. I swear. I'm like, I do this work all the time, and I just think, man, imagine being in, I know they're awful and they treat people awful, but imagine being in their mind and all of the chaos and disaster they live and I feel bad. I care, but I sure as hell don't carry not my problem. And we've all tried to help fix them or give them advice or show them a better way so we don't have to feel guilty like, oh, I wish I could save them. I'm sure we've all tried. You can't. Okay? Save yourself. Be peace. Be love yourself. Okay? Let's take a nice inhale through the nose and out a soft breath, just letting your body have a nice body, calm body, calm down. It's Jamaican, the body, calm down, I think it's called.
(09:34)So if you haven't listened to the full episode from Tuesday, that's when narcissistic parents get older. How to set boundaries without feeling like a bad daughter. It's a mouthful, but it's a lot, right? So go check that out if you have not if, and then go get your Boundaries. Pocket guide, that's free. If you don't have that, grab that. That's a great tool. And the Boundaries Empowered Boundaries Course is the full name of my course. That shit is epic. Go purchase it yesterday. If you are having issues with this situation, that's going to be helpful. If you want to be transformed and go knees deep into healing both body through the body with somatic healing and the mindset work, and knowing how to deal with these situations on a customized level for you, then we do one one-on-one work and some you do both. If you sign up for my three month course, you can get our three month one-on-one.
(10:40)You get My Boundaries course free. Yeah, look at that shit. I got perks for you baby. Alright? So I will list all of this. If you're like, wait, there's all the ways to work with me in the show notes every episode, okay? So I want you to know that you're not alone. There is help. I would love to help you. That's why I'm here. If you have no budget at all, go get the boundaries. Pocket guide, do some meditations and save up maybe for the course. And if you have the budget, which if you're on the fence of spending money on this, think about what you're losing. By not, I mean, I don't want to be like a commercial. What is it? Priceless. But this is priceless work in a way. Of course, if you physically don't have the money, no, you can't go into debt.
(11:34)But if you have money, but you just maybe want to spend it on shoes or coffee or whatever, cool. But is that giving you peace? Because we want to get you feeling peaceful, knowing how to deal with these people and not just for these people for life. You get lifelong tools that you can use the rest of your life. So dealing with the situation now, but in the future, attracting the right people into your life, it's like a domino thing. When you deal with narcissists, you probably know what I'm talking about. So go check out how to work with me. If you want a deep transformation, if you want to start with the course, go dig into that. It is epic. And don't forget to check out last week, last episode if you didn't, because it goes into this on a much deeper level. Alright, love you guys. See you in the next episode.
 

When Narcissistic Parents Get Older : How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Bad Daughter

Do you feel guilty setting boundaries with your aging or ill narcissistic parent? In this empowering episode, Christy Jade helps you break free from guilt and obligation so you can protect your peace without feeling like the “bad daughter.” Learn what’s truly loving (and what’s just self-sacrifice in disguise), how to balance compassion with self-respect, and why your worth isn’t measured by how much pain you tolerate.
👑 Your Next Step in Healing
✨ Ready to rebuild your peace, power, and self-trust after narcissistic abuse?Explore Christy’s most transformative programs below:
🌸 Empowered Boundaries CourseLearn how to set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral. Includes 10 video modules, a meditation bundle, and lifetime access.→ https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
💖 1:1 Coaching + Somatic HealingReclaim your peace, power, and clarity in a private, guided journey with Christy. This is where REAL customized transformation is made!→ https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
💌 Resources for Your Healing Journey
✨ Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250✨ Join the FREE Facebook Community for daily support + sisterhood → https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade✨ Snag your Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts for boundary convos that actually work → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/
💬 Episode Highlights
Why guilt spikes when a toxic parent gets older or sick
The truth about “honoring your parents” — and what that really looks like in abuse recovery
How to stop confusing compassion with obligation
Nervous system tools to stay grounded when guilt-tripping starts
Christy’s personal reflection on balancing empathy with self-care
🩷 Let’s Connect
Instagram : https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/
Email me!
fiercemamac@gmail.com
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ever feel like you owe your narcissistic parent kindness or access? Just because they're getting older, somehow their age cancels out all the damage they've done or are continuing to do. Today, we're going to break that guilt spell because your peace doesn't have an expiration date. Okay, queen, stay close. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun.
(01:04)So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, beautiful souls. It's Christy Jade. Today's topic is one I hear over and over again. My mom or dad is older. Now, maybe I should just tolerate it, but here's the truth. Time does not erase toxicity. Getting older doesn't mean they've earned access to your peace. Taking your peace and loving someone from a safe distance is still love. So if you're feeling torn between compassion and that self-preservation, grab your tea. Get your journal because by the end of this episode, you're going to know how to set some boundaries without feeling like the bad daughter. So first of all, society romanticizes, forgive and forget, especially with aging parents.
(02:17)And look, I'm all about respecting your parents, right? Honoring your mother and father. You can still do this while having boundaries, but the guilt is often the weapon narcissistic parents use to keep control, right? They know they can dangle this. I'm your parent, I'm getting older. The guilt trip of, oh, we only have this much time. And there's truth to that. And if they can treat you well, they can have more access to you. Phrases like You'll miss me when I'm gone, or after all I've done for you. Are emotional manipulation wrapped in sentimentality, right? So remember this. Look, no one's perfect, right? If you just have a parent that they're aging and maybe they're a little crankier as they get older, that's one thing. But I'm sure you're here because you have tolerated abuse, narcissistic abuse, toxicity, something that's really not healthy for you, and you are not responsible for someone else's peace at the expense of your own, no matter who that person is.
(03:31)And there's a difference between taking care of your parents or treating your parents well as they age. There's a difference between that and letting your aging parents who are toxic treat you like, is that a thing? I'm going to start saying that treating you boogas just because they're entitled to, right? So their age doesn't rewrite your story. It makes your boundaries more sacred. Though also, if you don't set these boundaries and you let them treat you bad, be toxic to you, whatever it is, you're also setting up their end of life to be worse for you and you have more resentment. Whereas if you can take this advice and can find a way to set boundaries and maybe put a little distance in there without guilt, you could actually save your relationship in a way. I know with true narcissists, it can be very hard, and maybe you do want to totally cut them off if there's no way to do kind of gray rock method or have strong boundaries.
(04:52)But let's dive into just what we can do here for the people that are looking to have somewhat of a relationship without damaging your own peace. So I'm a God person, so I also want to put a little faith in this. If you're not, you can ignore this little part, but I like to bring it back to faith. God did not design you to be drained and treated with toxicity. That's just not a thing that's in the Bible. When you feel that tug of guilt, pause and ask God, am I acting from love or fear? Fear says, if I say no, I'm a bad daughter. Love says I can honor them by not dishonoring myself, right? Love says I can do what I need to do and the way I can do it, if it's a way I can do it without it being a detriment to my peace, my safety, my mental health. So God's version of honoring your parents includes honoring the daughter he created because Sky Daddy, that's what I call him. Do you know that everyone should call him Sky Daddy? It's the best. He's our daddy, right? He created us. He's the granddaddy. And think about how he would treat you. He would not treat you with toxicity. He created you and he wants you to honor yourself and honor others. But he also never said, let's deal with a bunch of abuse. That's not what he has said. Okay?
(06:37)So practical boundaries that can stick with parents that are toxic and narcissistic, whatever. So first of all, you can keep your visits short or even virtual. You could try in-person visits, doing it shorter and seeing how that works out. And if it doesn't, virtual is another way to do it. It might sound like, oh, that's kind of crazy, but no one else is crazy. Tolerating abuse in person, driving an hour to get shit on by somebody that's supposed to love you and uplift you. Okay? So we're dealing with a crazy situation as it is. So we do what we got to do. Another thing, do not explain every boundary. Okay? Clarity is kinder than overexplaining for all parties. Really, it helps you and it helps them. And we know narcissists. Sometimes they want you to get in the cage with them, and that's when you can exit.
(07:45)You can say, I need to go if it gets to that point. But you can try setting a boundary using neutral language that doesn't work for me. Instead of defending, they want you to defend in a way they want to get into your head. Don't give them emotion or extra information that's going to give them what they want, where they can get more of control and know what makes you tick and feed on that. You're giving them very simple wording like, that doesn't work for me. And then you can have an emotional exit plan, like thinking of a calming song in your head, or a grounding breath after each reaction or interaction, sorry, not reaction, but there could be a reaction there too. So boundaries, don't think of them as punishment with your parents. They're your protection. You're not trying to control them, you're trying to protect yourself.
(08:48)So what else? Releasing the bad daughter story. Okay, this comes up a lot with a lot of my clients who have parents that are toxic. They have been, and maybe you have been emotionally conditioned, right? Trained to believe that peace equals selfishness. Can I say that again? Yes, I will. You were trained to believe that peace equals selfishness, but the healed version of you, or maybe you're healing deep down, maybe even on it's bubbling to the surface that peace equals presence, right? If you're at peace, you can be present and be joyful in that peace. You can't show up as the light you are and you strive to be if you're constantly being dimmed by this guilt. So yes, you can set the boundaries, but if you're carrying along the guilt with you while you're setting them, it's like you have this sack of bricks on your back as you're doing it, you're setting these boundaries, but you feel heavy.
(10:10)So you also have to do the work. And this is the work I do with my clients. This is the somatic healing stuff we do, the mindset work, all that good stuff. You want to really transform. Let's go one-on-one coaching. It's always mentioned in my show notes, the ways to work with me, okay? But because setting boundaries is great. It's awesome. Okay? It's helpful. It's part of the plan, part of the healing. But a lot of the healing is that inner voice that you have saying you're a bad daughter. That's been conditioned to think that probably no matter what you do. So you might as well if you're going to be a bad daughter, might as well do it with some boundaries. Alright? So this is just kind of the tip of the iceberg here. But this is what I can do in a short podcast episode.
(11:02)Like I said, if you want to go deeper one-on-one, really transform that information there. Also, I have a Boundaries course. I also have a Free Boundaries pocket guide. If you have not grabbed that, grab that. But there's also a course I'm going to list in my show notes. This is for you if you are here on this podcast episode. This course is life changing for Setting Boundaries. There's so much. So click the link. You can read more about all the details. I don't have time to go into the depth of it, so make sure to definitely click there and read to see all that it has. It is chock full of awesome information. Everything from a little mindset work to the boundary setting to conversations, the actual conversations for setting boundaries to what if they come back and don't, I can't word today, word my words, help.
(12:05)They don't respect your boundaries or they want to come back and with their ideas of what should be happening, all of that. So it is an amazing, amazing course. It is my baby. So definitely take a look at that. But if you want a true transformation that, I mean three months with me, one-on-one, somatic healing mindset work, your life will change. That's just what's going to happen. So anyway, go take a look at all that and don't forget to protect your sparkle, okay? You're a sparkly queen, okay? We do not want you to be dimmed by people who were supposed to take care of you. And if they haven't done a great job of that thus far, they may not, right? Especially if they're older, they're more set in their ways, they're not going out getting therapy, whatever. It's up to you. Yes, you can do no contact, but the people who are here, I think on this episode, are probably looking for a way to either distance a little or be able to have contact, but set boundaries.
(13:10)So hopefully this podcast was helpful. I know it's just a little, like I said, tip of the iceberg. So if you want more, that course is amazing. And one-on-one work is mind blowing. So toot toot, I'm tooting my own horn on my shit. Alright, I love you guys. And don't forget, Thursdays are Thrive in Five, and they always relate to the Tuesday before. So we will have a Thrive in five specifically for those of you who are dealing with this situation, okay? And you're not a bad daughter for choosing peace. You are a healed one. Yes, breaking that cycle. I love it. All right, love you. Seeing the next step.

How to Break the Brain Loop That Keeps You Obsessed With Understanding Them

Still replaying every convo, text, or mind game—trying to make sense of the narcissist? In this 5-minute reset, Christy Jade shows you how to break the brain loop that keeps you obsessed with understanding them and finally reclaim your peace. Learn how trauma trains your mind to overanalyze—and the simple somatic shift that ends the cycle for good.
💖 Work With Christy
✨ Ready for real-time transformation?Step into your power with Christy 1:1. Her 3-Month Transformational Coaching + Somatic Healing package helps you regulate your nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and feel safe in your own skin again.👉 https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
🎁 Fun Queen Resources
💌 Join the Free Private Facebook Community — connect with other Queens rebuilding after narcissistic abuse.👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecoverypodcast
👑 Grab Your Free Boundaries Pocket Guide — learn how to say nope without guilt.👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
💬 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts — ready-made boundary phrases that protect your peace.👉 https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/
 
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. All right, take a deep breath today, queen. Happy Thursday. This thrive in five is for the woman who cannot stop replaying all the conversations, the manipulations, every, why did he do that? Why is he doing that? Whether it's your past or current situation that you are having to deal with a narcissist. Maybe you're, maybe it's a family member, maybe it's your boss, but understanding the narcissist will not bring you peace, and we think it will, right? We try to understand to relieve something in us, but your brain keeps dragging you back, even though deep down you probably know, you'll never fully understand and comprehend a narcissist because they don't make sense in the same way we do.
(01:18)They don't think the same way we do. They're not healthy people. So let's shift that today. So here's the thing, your brain is not broken. It's doing what it was actually trained to do, to analyze danger, to stay safe by being in the situations. So when you lived in a narcissistic environment, you became a detective. You were constantly decoding, tone, expression, hidden meanings. Are you shaking your head yet? Because your survival basically depended on it. So now that you're free, your brain doesn't realize it can stop working overtime. That's the loop. The body's addiction to this vigilance disguised as logic. It's not logic, it's vigilance. It's over vigilance, right? So let's get to today's practice. It's a calming quick one, and we are going to calm that beautiful brain of yours that deserves every piece. So wherever you are, gently place one hand on your heart and one on your belly. You're going to inhale through your nose for 4, 3, 2, 1. Hold for one, two, and exhale, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Now you can repeat after me. I am safe.
(03:17)I don't need to understand them to be free. How's that feel? So as you exhale, imagine the thoughts spinning in your head, melting down into your body and out through your feet. So we're going to inhale, 1, 2, 3, hold it. And as you exhale, imagine those thoughts that just whine and whine melting down your body and out your feet. Let your body carry what your mind can't. So if you want to repeat that a couple times, you can always pause this. Do it as many times as you need to, and each time, remind yourself, I choose peace over answers.
(04:24)You get to choose, and it might seem hard, but every time you do this, you get closer. Every time you do anything somatic, you really get closer to it so you don't heal by finding new information about them. That's what we think. You heal by giving your nervous system proof that the danger is over. I'm going to say that again. You heal by giving your nervous system proof that this danger is over. And I know everyone's situation is different, but most of you are on the other side getting out of the situation. You've left your co-parenting or you're not living with the person every day like you once were. That could be a parent, a sibling, an ex, right? So this is really for you that knowing you are out of imminent danger and you need your nervous system to come on board with that. So every time you redirect from analyzing them to soothing yourself, you're rewiring your brain for peace. And that is the power they never want you to have, right?
(05:56)Ugh. It would just kill them to know you're at peace. They want you all up in the chaos with them. They want the control of your peace. They want to hold your peace and never let you have it. And we're not here for that. Are we Queens? No. So if you're ready to learn the deeper somatic tools, this is just the tiny tip, right? This is what I can do on these podcasts. I can give you as much as I can give you and I try. But to really do the deeper transformation and use those tools that really go in deep and are longer lasting to stop those mental spirals and actually feel safe in your own body. You can do that by working one-on-one with me, and that is where the real rewiring happens. I always have the link in my show notes of the podcast.
(06:50)So if you're on Apple, you go to my main page there, or this episode description, I'll have it there as well. It's all over my podcast. And that is where the magic happens. And if you're not there yet, keep taking these five minutes for you. Your piece is rebuilding itself every single time you choose it. Saying out loud, like I'm serious, saying things out loud is so helpful for our brains and bodies to connect, to catch up with each other saying, I'm choosing peace. Or what is the most peaceful choice I can make right now? When you're in those situations where you're like, I don't know what to do, what is the most peaceful choice for me? What's the most peaceful choice for my child if you have a child, right? I get it, I get it. That also it can swing the other way where we just, we want to show them or we want to, they're acting crazy and we feel like we need to meet them where they're at. No, we need to be the peace.
(07:59)I get the justice part, trust me, my middle name, my whole life was seeking justice all around. And then once I realized what a narcissist was and how manipulative they were, and I had one in my life, I was like, oh, I'm going to show them that I'm onto them and this and that, and I did. And I learned the hard way. That's not actually how you win with narcissist. Winning is having peace and doing the work that you are no longer affected by them. It's not overnight, but it can happen and it can happen quicker than you think, which is beautiful. Ask my clients. Okay? So take one more deep breath queen. Inhale and release. And remember, your freedom doesn't live in their story and their narrative and their bullshit. It lives in your body that you get to choose, you get control of to say, I'm going to do X, Y, Z.
(09:05)What's that? X, Y, Z. I hope it's peace. You look way better in peace than you do in chaos. Okay? Alright, so don't forget to follow this podcast. Share it if you think it would help someone else. Of course, if you want that deep transformation, I do have two spots open for the next three months, I believe. So grab a spot if you want one. And remember it's every Tuesday and Thursday we have Tuesday are the longer episodes. We dive deep talking about doing the talkie talk, and then the Thursdays are thrive in five where we try to do a little more of the somatic stuff, little exercises and tools that you can take with you. Alright, I'll see you in the next video. Smooches love yous and keep cleaning.

Still Trying to Understand the Narcissist? Here’s Why It’s Stealing Your Peace

If you’re still trying to understand the narcissist, this episode is your wake-up call. Christy Jade breaks down why searching for answers keeps you stuck in their cycle—and what to do instead to finally reclaim your peace, power, and clarity.
👑 Work with Christy:
If you’re ready to stop walking on eggshells and start healing for real, my 3-Month Transformational Coaching & Somatic Healing Program will help you rebuild self-trust, regulate your nervous system, and rise into your power again.👉 Learn more or apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
💞 Resources for Your Healing:
💌 Boundaries Pocket Guide — Learn to say “no” without guilt & protect your peace.https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
🎧 Join the Facebook Community — Connect with women healing after narcissistic abuse.https://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecoverycommunity
📜 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts — Know exactly what to say to keep your boundaries strong. VIP PRICING FOR LISTENERS!
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/
 
 
 

Try This If You’ve Been Praying but Still Feel Unsafe

You’ve prayed. You’ve trusted. But your body still doesn’t feel safe.
In this 5-minute pause, Christy guides you through a gentle moment to reconnect with God’s peace — not just think about it.
👉 Ready to rebuild your peace for good?Inside my 3-Month Transformation Journey, we’ll rewire your nervous system, restore your faith in yourself, and help you finally feel calm and confident again.https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
💎 WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
✅ Why your body can still feel unsafe even when your faith is strong✅ A gentle way to feel God’s peace again (not just think about it)✅ How to begin healing your nervous system after trauma
💖 FREE TOOLS & COMMUNITY
✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide — say no without guilt!https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
👑 Join the Facebook Community — connect with women healing after narcissistic abusehttps://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecovery

Does the Bible Say You Should Stay With an Abuser? The Truth About Leaving Toxic Relationships (and What God Really Wants for You)

Have you ever been told “God hates divorce,” “pray harder,” or “be patient” — even when your spirit knew something was wrong?
In this powerful, truth-filled episode, Christy unpacks what the Bible actually says about abusers and leaving toxic relationships, exposing the spiritual manipulation that keeps women stuck in pain. You’ll discover God’s heart for the oppressed, why He never calls you to stay in harm, and how to step into peace — not guilt.
This is your reminder that God’s truth brings freedom, not fear.
💎 WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
✅ What Scripture actually teaches about abuse, oppression, and justice✅ Why forgiveness doesn’t mean staying in harm’s way✅ How God’s character and Word support your peace and safety✅ The biblical truth that sets you free from guilt and confusion
💖 LINKS & RESOURCES
🎁 FREEBIES
✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide — protect your peace with simple, powerful scriptshttps://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
👑 Join the Facebook Community — connect with women healing after narcissistic abusehttps://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecovery
💫 COURSES & COACHING
🎓 Empowered Boundaries Course — master confident, guilt-free boundarieshttps://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
🌿 Reclaiming You 1:1 Session (90 min) — personalized clarity, nervous system reset, and next-step planhttps://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
👑 Monthly Peace Coaching — ongoing somatic + spiritual support to rebuild self-trusthttps://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
 

One Daily Shift to Stop a Narcissist From Draining Your Energy

One Daily Shift to Stop a Narcissist From Draining Your Energy (Thrive in 5)
On Tuesday, we unpacked why narcissists want you exhausted and how to take your power back. In today’s quick Thrive in 5, I’m giving you one super simple shift you can use daily to protect your energy and stop them from draining you. This takes less than five minutes but makes a huge difference in keeping your peace.
👑 Mic Drop: Every pause, every reset is proof that you’re reclaiming your power one moment at a time.
✨ LINKS & GOODIES ✨
💖 Freebie: Grab your FREE Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
👑 1:1 Coaching: Reclaiming You Sessions → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
📌 Listener Faves:
The Grey Rock Method: How to Deal with a Narcissist if You Cannot Go No Contact → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776
Co-Parenting With a Narcissist? Why ‘Staying Civil’ Might Be Destroying Your Peace → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/co-parenting-with-a-narcissist-why-staying-civil-might/id1662241353?i=1000671183508
👑 Stay Connected:
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/christyjade
Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/1373765840008654/
TRANSCRIPTS
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello. Hello. So this is going to be a super quick episode with no real intro music because I was out tonight celebrating one of my friend's birthdays. Yay. Yay for birthdays. Alright, so Tuesday we talked about why narcissists want you exhausted and how to take your power back. Today I'm going to give you one super simple daily shift that can help you stop them from draining your energy and it takes less than five minutes. So it's perfect, perfect for tonight. Okay, so like I said, we dove in. How narcissists keep you running on empty, right? When you're depleted, you are easier to control, easier to manipulate, and less likely to fight back. But here's the good news, you don't have to play their game today. I want to give you one quick, powerful shift you can start using right away to keep that energy intact.
(01:05)It is called a transition ritual. Here's how it works. Every time you feel yourself being pulled into their chaos could be a nasty text, an exhausting call, or even just remembering something they said. You pause, you step away and give yourself a reset ritual. So that could look like putting your phone in the drawer for five minutes, walking outside and maybe walking around if you have a cul-de-sac or just around the neighborhood and doing some intentional breathing, like that halo breathing I love. Or even just putting your hand on your heart and saying, my peace belongs to me, not them. So it sounds small, but it's actually big. Why? Because every time you interrupt this cycle, you're teaching your nervous system. I am safe, I am in charge, and I don't have to give my energy away. So here's the mic drop. Okay? Every pause, every reset is proof that you are reclaiming your power one moment at a time, right? So it seems like a small thing and maybe you won't remember every single time. So don't beat yourself up if you forget and you have a spin out, whatever. We're on a journey, okay? We're on a little healing, healing journey now. Alright? So try it this week. Choose your ritual.
(03:00)I would suggest using one for now until you're in the real habit of it, and then you can switch them out, rotate them, but pick the one or maybe try 'em all out. See which works best for you. You can do your own version of one of these too, and notice how much more energy and clarity you hold onto. And if you haven't listened yet, go back to Tuesday's full episode where I unpack why the narcissists thrive on your exhaustion and how you can actually step into your power. So I know I have a little lack of energy tonight. I am very tired. It is very late, but I still wanted to get you just a quick episode. At least I know a lot of you love these. Thrive in fives and that's about it as you know the drill. If you want to work one-on-one and have super transformative somatic healing journeys, that is epic work.
(04:08)Go look in my show notes. I will link the ways you can work in the one-on-one there. There's also My Empowered Boundaries course, which is it's just Chef's Kiss, okay? If you want to learn how to set boundaries, how to maintain boundaries, all the conversations, how to not feel guilty, the energy around them, all of that good stuff, it is a 10 module course and it is my baby. So go check out my baby or one-on-one work and I've got a couple freebies always listed in there. So definitely go check out the show notes and don't forget to hit follow on my podcast on the main page to make sure you do not miss an episode. Alright, love you. See you later. Queens.
 

Why Narcissists Want You Exhausted (and How to Take Your Power Back Before It’s Too Late)

Ever feel like dealing with a narcissist leaves you totally drained — like you’ve just run an emotional marathon? That’s not random.
In this episode, I reveal why narcissists actually want you exhausted and how to finally reclaim your energy, peace, and power before it’s too late.
💡 Here’s what you’ll learn today:
Why exhaustion is the narcissist’s #1 control tactic
How chaos cycles, sleep sabotage, and guilt-tripping keep you stuck
The simple 3-step process to take your power back and protect your peace
If you’re healing after narcissistic abuse and tired of feeling depleted, this episode will give you the tools to stop the cycle and rise back into your power.
👑 Ready for more support?👉 Grab my free Boundaries Pocket Guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
👉 Explore the Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
👉 Book a 1:1 Reclaiming You Session: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

3 Boundary Traps Narcissists Use in Co-Parenting—And How to Outsmart Them Every Time

Short DescriptionNarcissistic co-parents are masters at twisting boundaries—but you don’t have to fall for their traps. In this Thrive in 5, I break down 3 sneaky tactics they use and exactly how to outsmart them so you can protect your peace and power. 👑✨
💻 Courses & Coaching
👑 Empowered Boundaries Course → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
✨ Work 1:1 With Me (Reclaiming You Sessions) → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
🌟 Connect & Resources
👑 Join the Private Facebook Community → https://www.facebook.com/groups/narcissisticabuserecoveryforwomen
🎁 Free Boundaries Pocket Guide → https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
🎤 Subscribe to the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast → https://www.podbean.com/podcast-detail/f7vsi-208d1a/Narcissistic-Abuse-Recovery-Podcast
🎧 Related Podcast Episode
🪨 The Grey Rock Method: How to Deal with a Narcissist if You Cannot Go No Contacthttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776
TRANSCRIPTS
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today we are breaking down the three biggest boundary traps that narcissists use in co-parenting. They are sneaky little ways. They try to keep you off balance, steal your peace and rope you into their chaos. No thank you. So here's the best part. I'm not just going to tell you what the traps are. I'm going to give you the exact tools to outsmart them every single time. Queen Edge. Alright, so the first is the infamous guilt trip. You're probably familiar with that, right? They'll say things like, if you really cared about the kids, you'd switch weekends or you're being so selfish by not helping me out. And what is their goal to make you feel like a bad mom or a bad co-parent?
(01:09)Bad parent, period. Unless you cave, right? They're trying to get whatever fits into what benefits them. So how do you outsmart it? First you stick to the plan and then literally repeat the boundary without defending it. Remember this part without defending it? So that could look like, nope, we're going to stick to the parenting schedule and then pause. Zip it. Do not explain. Okay? We have a tendency when we are people pleasers or empaths or don't want to be misunderstood. That was a big trigger for me just in my life being misunderstood. So over explaining can make us feel like maybe we'll be understood or just giving reasons, right? Don't explain, don't argue, don't get emotional. None of those things are going to help, okay? You want to outsmart them. Remember that the silence is actually the strength, okay? Remember, silence is strength. Silence is strength.
(02:18)Don't take the bait. Okay? So number two, the endless negotiator, okay, you say no and they immediately push back. Well what about just this one time? Or well if we switch next week instead, or what if I pick them up later instead of earlier? What if all the different things to try to get their way somehow and getting their way equals what? Control. That's what they're trying to get. We're not going to give it to 'em, okay? They keep changing the terms to wear you down. So this is actually calculated, manipulative. When they're doing this. They figure if they can drag you into the back and forth, they then already have your energy. They're already gaining the power over you. So how do we outsmart it? Again, don't take the bait. My favorite phrase of life, restate once, then disengage. So it's very similar. So something like, no, we'll be sticking to the plan.
(03:27)If they keep pushing, don't respond. I would maybe say it twice. If they have a first negotiation party coming out of their mouth, say, Nope, we'll be sticking to the plan. Nope, we'll be sticking the plan and then don't respond. Or maybe on the third time you say, I've already answered and move on your time, energy and sanity are what is not up for negotiation. And if you let them repeatedly suck you into where you're responding over and over and over, they are gaining that power and feeling like they're getting you closer and closer to giving them what they want. And they probably are half the time, okay? So don't get sucked in. Alright? So trap three, the victim act, okay? They'll say something like, you're making my life harder or You're the reason I can't see my kids as much as I want. They play the poor me card to twist the narrative and put you back in caretaker mode.
(04:44)They know at this point that you have a big heart. They know that. Know your soft spots, they know your buttons so they know even more specifically what they can say in these situations to get you to feel sorry for them. So how do you outsmart this? Don't step into the role they are assigning you. Okay? I want you to hear that one. Don't step into the role they are assigning you. It's not your role, baby. Okay? It ain't your role. It doesn't look good on you anymore. Nope, we're moving on. So a simple firm statement like I'm not responsible for your feelings. We're following the parenting plan. And then again, if they come push back, you repeat again, we're following the parenting plan. And then you say, I've already answered, move on. If you give it that much, I'm saying three max, three responses max.
(05:49)It's not your job to rescue them. I know we love rescuing. Gosh, I mean, I adopted a child, I adopted a dog. I'm all about that rescue life. I get it, girl. No, but I know you probably have a beautiful heart. You understand? You feel like, oh, maybe they had a hard childhood or this and that, all the things, or oh, they lost their job. There's so many things and feelings, I get it. But it is your job to protect your peace and your child's emotional safety above everything else. If you're a God person, it is God, you and your kid. It is not your job to save a narcissist. It's not your job to save a toxic person. It's not your job to save anyone, your child hell yeah, save that child and saving your own sanity for yourself, but also for your child.
(06:52)Your child needs the most stable, healthy minded parent they can, especially because they have another parent who is so unhealthy. Okay? So keep that in mind when you're feeling guilty or second guessing your role, that's your role. Your role is to be a peaceful parent and that does not mean that you cave to the narcissist. Okay? So here's your thriving five challenge for the week. You like that? Alright? You're going to watch for these traps, the guilt trip, the negotiator, the victim, and the next time one of them shows up, practice outsmarting it by keeping your responses short, firm and free of over-explaining. And again, I've mentioned a lot recently, I feel like my Gray Rock Method episodes, so if I forget to link them, I hope I don't, I might. And just look up Gray Rock Method in my podcast or with my name and it should come up.
(08:00)I think there's two episodes on the Gray Rock method that is all about going a little more deeply into this stuff. But if you want even more tools to help you hold boundaries that actually stick, I mean it is a whole, my course is epic. You will never ever regret purchasing it. It has changed people's lives just from the course. Obviously the one-on-one work is super transformational and customized because I'm there with you every step of the way. The second best thing, if you really want to have transformational experience with not just the co-parent, but anyone else you come into contact with that is controlling, toxic, any of that unhealthy, and you aren't so great at keeping boundaries or maintaining them or what to do in the conversations if they push back or if they do not respect your boundaries. All of that is in that it is a 10 video course and it's one dripped out every week.
(09:12)These have been selling like little cute pancakes, hotcakes sound like the hotcakes because it's really, really important as a foundation to thrive. In order to thrive, you need to be confident and set boundaries. It is the foundation of moving on into this kind of thriving mentality, which you can do by the way, no matter who you are, what you've been through, you can, there's 10 modules. There's a meditation bundle that goes along with it. If you're into the namaste, calm your body and it's designed to help you step out of survival mode and into peace. Because if you're feeling stuck, one of the problems that is keeping you stuck a big major problem is that you're not feeling strong enough, confident enough, and self trusting enough to set boundaries. And we talk about that in the boundary scores. So it's the energetics, it's the confidence, it's building that and setting the boundaries, evaluating what boundaries you need to have, having the conversations if you need to have them.
(10:32)And again, going from there, okay, Queens need boundaries and you're a damn queen. Look at you. Go look in the mirror. Would you take a second? Go check her out. She's super hot and she looks like she needs a boundary course called Empowered Boundaries. So I'll put the link in the show notes if you want to do one-on-one. Those of you listening who have signed up with me recently, one-on-one, my coaching, my hours are getting crammed and crammed and I have less space and I'm feeling bad because I'm booking up. It's a great thing for me, but I really want to help everyone I can. So if you are considering working with me, jump in there. Let's get a one-on-one session. I have one-on-one. There's a one-off, which this is not a one-off work, this is not, oh, let's do one and done. This is you're doing your intake call with me to get to know each other and obviously we can feel it out and go from there.
(11:37)And if you're just like, I just want in on this, I want a huge transformation. There is a package for one month and there's a package for three months. The three months you get a bonus of Voxer in between all our calls. So you get once a week calls. So a lot of fun little options. I'll put them in the show notes. But this boundaries course, right now we're talking about boundaries. That's why I was really focusing on that. And it is a less expensive way if you are tight on funds right now, it's really inexpensive for what you get and you get it for lifetime access. So you can go back to it, refer to it over and over again. It's amazing. Yes, I'm biased, but it's the hottest shit you'll ever, ever see in your life. Okay? All right, so that is your thriving five. Keep your crown high, protect that sparkle, and remember, you can outsmart the traps and reclaim your peace. Okay? You can trust me. I've done it and now you're going to do it. So look, these little tips, they can help. You want to go deeper, you want to really transform, you have to actually invest in that. And is it is priceless by doing a course or doing one-on-one work, whether it's with me or someone else.
(13:14)That is how you make change. If you're feeling stuck, that's how you get unstuck. Okay? So I would love you to sign up for either the course or one-on-one work. Let's do this. You are worth it. Peace is truly priceless. I'm not just saying this right? I'm not just like, oh yeah, here's this course I'm telling you, you deserve to be able to feel confident and comfortable setting boundaries in your life and having peace and showing your children what they should and should not accept in their life. And that's what boundaries do. Not controlling other people, controlling our peace and what happens to us and what we do with that. So I could go on and on, but I will not because you got stuff to do. I got stuff to do. I'm going to go put my coconut oil on. I just got coconut oil for my face.
(14:10)Raw Coconut oil by coco and Company. Nope, it's not a commercial, it's just me blabbing because I'm staring at it excited. It smells delicious. I want to eat it, but I won't eat it when it's on my face. Cause that be extra weird? Okay, so on that note, I'll let you go. And if you also have not joined my Facebook group, private Facebook group, get in there. That link is also always in the show notes. So go just have a field day in the show notes, see what's there. It's fun. This is 14 minutes and probably 10 minutes of me just rambling. But that's what you get on the Christie Jade show. Should I change the title? Alright, you guys have a great weekend and I'll be back on Tuesday with the regular episodes. And Thursdays are Thrive in five because we can thrive in five, or in this case, 15. All right, smooches deuces. See you in the next one. Love you.