NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

How to Calm Your Body After Ending a Narcissistic Friendship

Leaving a narcissistic friend can leave your nervous system on edge—even if your mind knows you made the right call.
In this Thrive in Five, I’ll walk you through a quick somatic tool to:✨ Ground yourself in the moment✨ Release tension + melt stress away✨ Remind your body it’s safe to choose peace
💜 Work With Me 1:1 – One Month: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/💜 Work With Me 1:1 – Three Months (with Voxer access): https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-three-months/💜 Free Boundaries Guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Save this episode for the next time guilt, anxiety, or “pulled back in” feelings try to creep in—you’ll have your calm reset ready.
💜 Free Private Support Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Today's Thrive Thrivent five is exciting. I'm really excited about this. It's a somatic tool for leaving a narcissistic friend. You're like, why is that exciting? I wish I had known the somatic aspects of this when I had a narcissistic friend that I left because it can really do a number on you. So leaving a narcissistic friend can be more challenging than you might expect. Your body feels the loss before your brain fully processes it, and the body remembers as we know. But today, I'm going to give you a quick somatic tool that you can use anytime that guilt or anxiety, whatever the ick feelings start creeping in. So the first step is grounding your body. So you can sit or stand with both feet flat on the floor and you feel the weight of your body pressing down. You're concentrating on that weight like roots growing into the earth. You're feeling them really weighing down, melting into the surface below them. The second step is orient to safety. So this is slowly turning your head to the right, slowly turning your head to the left. If you want to look up, down, just really slowly looking around being aware of your surroundings.
(01:50)And when you've done that, you can name three things you see in the room or whatever space you're in, that feel either neutral or pleasant, right? So let me look around. I have this sparkly bag I just love, so I'm going to say rainbow sparkly bag, and it gives me a little lift, right? I'm going to look, Ooh, coral nail polish. Yes, queen. Love that color gives me big old joy. What else do I have in? I have my crown because I'm a queen. There's my crown, right? So orient to safety and you're noting things. This takes, it's like a distraction tactic in a way, but also you're uplifting yourself by looking for things that are at least neutral, if not positive things that bring you joy. Step three, soften those shoulders and your jaw, right? Narcissistic friendships can keep you in tension mode if you didn't notice, and it's time to detent ourselves.
(02:58)So you exhale, do the inhale when you exhale, it's that exhaling drop, right? When we do our breath work, inhale, when you exhale, you let everything just kind of, I don't know. Today's theme is melting. Let's just melt everything, okay? And unc unclenching the jaw. You can even have the slack jaw where you might look real dumb, but nobody's watching right now. Okay, you're fine, you're good. Number four, self anchor with touch. So you could place a hand over your heart and the other over your belly. That's a very common yoga slash meditation stance, right? Keeping it there and feeling the warmth of your hands, the weight of your hands, letting them melt into your body. And this is not just comforting, but it's also you showing up for yourself, which when we've gone through narcissistic abuse, the self-trust can dissipate, right? So I'm like, yeah, I'm here. I'm here, queen, I'm here for you. I'm here for you self. I'm okay. And step five, repeat your permission phrase so you can tailor this to what you want, but I'll give an example and you can say it in your head or out loud. I'm a big fan of talking to myself out loud. I feel like it just imprints more. But you could keep your hands to heart. Whatever feels good. I am safe to choose peace, and I do not need to carry guilt for protecting myself.
(04:46)Say it with your queen attitude. I am safe to choose peace. I do not need to carry guilt for protecting myself. When we say it out loud too, sometimes it helps us see how ridiculous that is. Why do I feel guilty for protecting myself? No, ma'am. Not in this house. No. All right. So those are five steps. Ground your body, orient to safety. Soften everything, melt it down. Self anchor with touch, and then repeat your permission phrase. I'm saying repeat it because you're supposed to say it more than once. Affirmations don't. Affirmations by now, if you do it for 21 days, you'll become a unicorn jumping over rainbows. It's true. So every time you feel pulled back into that friendship out of guilt or just habit even, right? You're used to this, give your body this reset. So save this episode. Somatic tools are not just for panic times either.
(05:53)So whenever you feel like reclaiming your power, you could do this every morning. You could do this before bed, right? Any affirmations, any empowering stuff like this, you guys build it into your routine. Do it when you brush your teeth, you're already doing something there anyway. Just think it, because if you say it while you try to brush your teeth, it might come out like, I fish I carry. I go, no, that's a little crazy. But I guess we're a little crazy in here. Anyway. So in all seriousness, this is reclaiming your power, reminding yourself in your body, in your bones that it is safe to walk away our bodies. We've been conditioned to feel unsafe through the narcissist, and we're not here for that anymore. We're going to condition ourselves to be safe. Okay? So if you want to do deeper work, you can sign up for one month or three months of transformational, not just mindset work and talk therapy, but we're also doing the somatic body work because that combination is explosive.
(07:01)If you have not listened to my rant about it in the last episode, go listen, you will learn more about it. But this is epic fascinating work. And if you want a true transformation, that's what you got to do. You have to put in the time and invest in yourself. And if you can't, that's okay. We have free shit like these podcasts. We have a free downloadable guide for boundaries, a little boundary setting guide. So I will link that free Facebook group. And if you want to truly customize your journey and a year from now say, holy hell, what just happened in a good way? Go click on the link to work one-on-one with me. There's two options, and for the three month, you actually have Voxer access in between our calls. These are once a week calls, and with the three month you get it's epic, okay?
(07:59)You get Voxer access, which is a walkie-talkie app that I check at least every 48 hours, usually every 24, and we'll get back to you if you're just needing anything in between our calls. So that's a very popular choice for clients right now. These clients are ready to not just know how to navigate with the narcissist, that mindset stuff and all of that, how to deal this and how to do that. All the podcast stuff, there's some of that out there on the podcast. We can go deeper with the mindset work, but really they're ready for that body work too. To say, I want to recalibrate my body, my nervous system so that whatever comes at me, no matter what, I not just know what to say and do, but my body's here for it, and I will go in calm. I'm not going to get all of that stuff, all the anxiety, the swirling thoughts that is going to decrease monumentally. Okay? So if you're ready for that, I told you where I told you, it's in the show notes every time, all day, every day. So go sign up for either one month or three months and we will have a journey that will change your entire life. You're already a queen. You're going to be a queen with two crowns. Yeah, that's what happens at the end of it, you get two Crown Queen. Alright, I'll see you in the next episode. Have a beautiful weekend. Bye.
(11:54)That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.
 

How to Spot and Leave a Narcissist Friend ( Without the Guilt )

💎 Work With MeMonthly 1:1 Coaching (weekly calls)https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
3-Month Major Transformational 1:1 Coaching + Voxer Accesshttps://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
💬 Join My Private Facebook Communityhttps://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💌 Grab Your FREE Boundaries Guidehttps://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Empowered Boundaries Coursehttps://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
🎧 Related Episodes You’ll Love:The Grey Rock Method: How to Deal With a Narcissisthttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776
Finding True Friendship as an Adulthttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-19-finding-true-friendship-as-an-adult/id1662241353?i=1000608356800
Filling Your Friendship Cup After Narcissistic Abusehttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-20-filling-your-friendship-cup-after-narcissistic-abuse/id1662241353?i=1000608950715
---------------------------TRANSCRIPT-------------------------------
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:00)Friendships feel safe, or at least they should, right? They're supposed to be the soft place to land, but when your friend is a narcissist, that soft place can turn into a minefield. It's confusing because there's no romance, no shared bills, no legal ties. I mean, sometimes there can be shared bills if you're living with them, but in general, it's not as enmeshed as a romantic partner or lifelong partner that you're married to. So you think, shouldn't it be easier to leave? But not always. You've got shared history, the inside jokes, mutual friends is a big one, and narcissists love to weaponize all of that to keep you stuck, right? We talk about that sticky spider web. They keep you in. They're really good at keeping you in the sticky web. So let's talk first how to spot a narcissist friend. So there aren't just friends.
(02:04)These aren't friends with bad days or just quirks, right? These are patterns. You're looking for patterns. So what kind of patterns? One, it's always about them. Even your big moments, they redirect the spotlight somehow back to them, right? Another one. Number two, one sided emotional labor. So maybe you are their therapist, their cheerleader, their 3:00 AM crisis hotline, but maybe they're not as there for you. Maybe when you're reaching out, they nowhere to be found, right? That's a big no. The other thing is subtle digs and jealousy. This is the third backhanded compliments, undermining your wins or straight up competing with you, right? Little jealous comments. Number four, boundary blindness. So they will blow up your phone till no one. They will say, oh, it's an emergency. Maybe when it's not really quite an emergency, they will ignore your no, or just show up uninvited because that's what they want to do.
(03:21)Even sometimes after they've asked you and you've said no, right? So they're not really good at boundaries. Alright? Number five, the guilt trip. Queen or king, if it's a guy, friend of yours, this one is huge, okay? The guilt tripping, and they may make it jokey, they may make it subtle, but if you cancel plans or you do set boundaries, set limits in your relationship, you are the bad friend. And I had this happen to me. I asked one of my friends to please stop yelling at me that we were grown adults and I wasn't going to tolerate that and it wasn't handled well. So when you set boundaries and they go like, no, this either. This is just how I am. Deal with it, which is a response I got, or even twisting it and deflecting and turning it onto you, or you're being sensitive or whatever.
(04:22)I'm not yelling. Look, bitch, I know what yelling is. Okay? All right. So why does it feel so hard to leave these relationships? It's not just the friendship. You are grieving when you are deciding to or going, no contact, cutting someone off, whatever you want to call it. It's this shared identity that you have, especially if this is someone you've been friends with for decades or new, just really got close quick. It's a newer friend, but you just felt like soul soulmates, which can happen with a narcissist because they can make you feel like the queen of prom, but then that's how they get you in, and then they chew you up and they spit you out, chew up, spit you out, chew you up, spit you out, right? So this person though, they know your past, they know your secrets, your deep feelings, any vulnerabilities you've shown, they know that, right?
(05:22)And narcissist specifically can build a false sense of sisterhood. So you feel like you owe them loyalty no matter what, even at your own expense, which is a no right? Loyalty. Look, I'm Italian. I love some good loyalty, right? But there's a line. So let's be real. Society tells us friendships should last forever, and when they don't, there's also that guilt you have, right? Because it's just like, oh, how great is it to have a friend your whole life or since you're 15, or even just when you first got married, whatever stage of life you're in, it feels great to have a friend like that. And it can also feel somewhat of a failure if you are breaking up a friendship, but it's not baby. The failure is keeping someone toxic around. So how do you leave without the guilt? These are some fun steps.
(06:20)We're going to do five steps. I love numbers. Step one, decide what you will and won't accept. My hell yes, hell no. List. Make your own for friendship qualities. What makes you feel good? I will go down through my best friends. My best friends, lift me up. I know my best friends are not judging me or not talking behind my back. I know my best friends give me, they meet me halfway. I could be having a bad day like anyone else. We all have our days and they'll meet me halfway. They might just say, oh, what's going on? Right? They're not going to just jump down my throat or something if I maybe do have to cancel plans. I'm just not. Look, my dad passed recently, right? I've canceled a plan because I just didn't have it in me to go out in the world, right?
(07:16)A good dear best friend should easily accept that and say, cool, is there anything you need? Whatever, right? Narcissists often will be like, oh, but you said you'd do this, and so they're still going to guilt trip you, so on your hell yes. It's lifting up. No guilt trips, making you feel good about yourself, trusting, knowing that they trust you. You can trust 'em. The hell knows there's a million hell nos. We can, I know more hell knows than I do. Hell yeses, hell nos. Definitely Guilt trips. Those are the biggest thing. Oh, they just kill me. The guilt trips, the oh punishing. That's a huge one. Do they punish you? I had a friend. Here's an example of being punished in a different way than you might think. We had plans to go to the, let's say apple orchard, whatever it was. At 10 in the morning, something happened where I asked, can we meet at 11?
(08:22)And it was something legit, I forget what it was, but there was some, not emergency, crazy emergent, but some that came up that was like, shit, can we just push it an hour? Neither one of us had plans the rest of the day. It was just us going and this person was known for doing things like this. If it wasn't exactly what they wanted, how they wanted, then there was punishment. The punishment was that she said to me, nevermind, I'm going to take my other friend. And I was basically uninvited because I asked if we could go hour later. So that's a form of punishment, okay? It's not cool. That's a big hell no other hell nos deflecting, turning things around on you when you're trying to address something with them. Overstepping boundaries. So get clear on your hell, yeses your hell. Noes are just, those are some examples.
(09:14)If you want to go deep, you want to do coaching, you want to transform your life, so you set up the best boundaries you can freaking imagine and know how to maintain them and not have the guilt and be unshakeable with your boundaries. Then go look at my show notes and sign up for ongoing coaching. That's all I'm doing now. We're not doing one-off calls anymore. People, we're doing big girl shit. So if you want to sign up, you do one month or you do three months. So get in there, okay? We're going to do big girl queen shit now. So you want to change, you want your life to freaking excel and feel joyful and peaceful and all that good. Let's talk. Go check it out. Alright, step two, set and communicate your boundary. This can be gradual, okay? This can be shorter calls not answering every time they call because you're scared because you're walking on eggshells because they're going to punish you if you don't answer.
(10:13)It's like if you don't answer their call once, they're not going to answer your call the next five times. This is the type of shit I'm talking about or direct. You can say, this friendship isn't healthy for me anymore. I once had to say to a person and we were friends for a very, very long time and I loved her. I still love her. I still care deeply about her, but I felt like there was a lot of these terms and conditions going on and unhealthy ways. And I did say to her, I love you so much. I feel like we could have a distant relationship and maybe we could hang out and grab coffee every few months, but I can't have you in my daily life because anytime I do, we end up at this place again and it's not healthy for either of us, right? Okay. Did she love that? Probably not. Did she say let's go get tacos? No, but that was okay. That was fine. I gave an option. So I'm very direct. I'm 45. I've been doing the boundary shit for years. I'm too direct probably, but it works for me. You find your comfort zone with boundaries, and I have a boundary course too. I tell you all how to fluff it up and do the things that I don't really do anymore because a lot of people are not where I'm at, and that's probably a good thing.
(11:40)And you don't owe them some Ted talk explaining every detail. That's where you're taking the bait. They want that. They want the chaos, they want the drama. You just make it very simple. You're talking with a narcissist. If you don't know the gray rock method, I have episodes on it. I'll link in the show notes, but just keep it simple. Keep it not emotional. If you want to fluff it up, absolutely, you can fluff it up a little and say, I love you so much. I've been really trying to navigate this and figure out how we can be friends and still have fun together. But you could say just a quick, if something specific happened and I'm just not feeling that it's healthy since then, or you can just say, it just isn't feeling like a healthy friendship for me and what I need and I'd like you to see your way the fuck out. No, you don't say that. It's just not healthy for me anymore. And that's that, right? If you want a better script, you know where to find me. Alright? Step three, expect pushback. If it's a narcissist, toxic, whatever, abuse person, toxic, throw 'em all in the bin and prepare.
(12:58)They could guilt trip you, gaslight you. If you dunno what that is, it's kind of like making you confused and believing things that aren't true. You're the crazy one. And you start to get all muffled up in your head, right? So they're gaslighting you, making you really think you're the crazy one, putting it like they do. They turn things around, right? Or and or rallying up mutual friends. This happens. They love a good smear campaign. If it's a true narcissist, they're going to smear you to whoever they can. Your own family, your own friends, whoever they know, they may say, oh my gosh, they'll twist a story of how this all went down. If you do say something direct, be prepared. They're going to be like, what a bitch. She said, that's why we do the work, the deeper work because we work on your nervous system.
(13:53)So that stuff doesn't bother you anymore. Your body says, guess what? I'm at peace over here. So I'm not really giving a fuck what this person is telling old Julie over there about how I send this. And if Julie is a good friend, she's not going to believe her. She's going to know the truth. That's my friend. That's the loyalty, right? So you got to do the deeper work too. These are tips, but you got to do the deeper work. So that's textbook narcissists, all of that stuff, right? So keep reminding yourself why you are leaving. Peace bubble. Peace bubble. I guess that's what you can take away from all this. Stay in your peace bubble. Remind yourself of the peace bubble. You're doing this. Protect your peace. There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with ending a relationship with someone who is affecting your mental health.
(14:45)End of story. I don't care who the fuck they are or how long they've been around, they're passionate today. A lot of curses jumping out. Alright, step four, fill the space with healthier connections. This is so good. This is what I did when I have disconnected from people, it literally opens up space in your life for something healthier, something better, something that you may not even know existed. I have made friends that I'm like, where the freak did these unicorns come from? How magical unicorns just traipsing all around my life, just uplifting, cheerleaders, people that feel very safe. I never have to walk on eggshells. We don't have to walk on eggshells around. We get each other. We understand. We give each other grace. Those are the friends you want to leave room for in your life and schedule that time. If you know of those people and you don't spend that much time, spend more time with them.
(15:44)If not, join groups. I have episodes on friendships too, about how to make friends. I'm trying to think if that was this podcast or my other one, but I'll do another episode on that. But yes, finding friends can be different, difficult, but it's definitely doable. And find different clubs. That's my main thing is find something you love. Do more of that and you'll naturally meet people that are more like-minded. Even I found one of my best friends randomly in a book club. It was like a self-help. What was it? Rachel Hollis. Remember her book club years ago, and I met this girl in the book club. We are best friends talk every day. So you never know. Number five, step five, release the guilt. Remind yourself you're walking away from someone who consistently is harming you. And I know that can sound dramatic and you're like, well, it's not abuse.
(16:44)We can call it. It doesn't matter what we call it. It's toxic. It's gross, it's uncomfortable, it's unhealthy. Unhealthy is my new favorite word because unhealthy doesn't sound as dramatic. People are like, oh God, abuse. And then, okay, unhealthy. Same thing as you don't want to be smoking cigarettes. If you're smoking quit, you don't want to be putting these people all up in your energy space either, right? It's bad for you, they're bad for you. So don't feel guilty. You are protecting your peace. And part of this deeper work too that we do, that you do if you work one-on-one with me is this deeper level of self-love and self-respect. And guess what? I'm going to tell you something. Until you have self love, you are not going to get or attract self-respect, sorry, respect from others on that deeper level. When I started cutting people out that I was like, shit, these people aren't treating me well.
(17:49)This is a real live thing. And I started doing that and gaining in parallel, gaining a lot more confidence and not just confidence, I've been confident in a way in life, but like a self-trust, it really is self-trust. When I got self-trust, way more down is when I started really setting boundaries with ease, standing in my boundaries, attracting better people in my life in general, attracting even just with my jobs, with my clients, with everything. When you have self-trust, you make decisions faster. You don't have so much worry in your mind because you just feel like, I know I know how to do this. I know how to handle this. Whatever comes at you, you got it, you've got this queen, we got this. Okay. So yes, you got to do the deep work, but these are some tips to start with. If you're not ready to dive into deeper healing, I hope you get there soon because I'm telling you it is.
(19:02)I don't know, what are those credit cards? It's just invaluable. But that's not it. I was going to make a joke and now I can't think of it. Priceless. Priceless. I should actually do a narcissist abuse, recovery, priceless commercial. So it is priceless. It is priceless. And yes, I've spent money on coaches. I've spent more on, not specifically narcissist, I did do some therapy with a therapist that was somewhat aware of narcissism, but I really knew more than she did. And that's not going against her. That's just facts. But I've dove deep into education and books and videos and all sorts of stuff. You do have to invest in yourself if you want to make transformation. And I have invested deeply and it is priceless and I never have regrets. I'll say that there's no regret in the world with the growth I have had and what I've overcome and how I am hardcore peace bubble boundary queen doesn't take shit from anybody.
(20:06)And I have joy and I have just amazing things happening in my life and amazing people. And that is not a coincidence. That is totally in alignment because I chose to do the work and better my life. All right? So I know it is not easy, right? This friendship stuff, I've been there. The heartstrings are real. If they send you little carrots, we call 'em right? To try to get you little heartstring messages. Oh remember wins that can happen to, let me just put it this way, none of that. When you're in those moments, just picture them as a dump truck with a whole of shit in it. And they're just lifting that, lifting that truck bed. I don't know if they're called truck beds for dump trucks. I'm not a truck girl, but lifting it up and all that shit is being dumped on you.
(21:02)You're going to emotional dump, right? They're emotionally dumping on you. That's what you need to imagine. I want you to get that lovely picture in your mind. So anytime you have that feeling, just think about what that, because that's what it is. It's a bunch of shit you never signed up for and you don't deserve and you don't need. We are too old for this shit. So I don't care if you've been friends 20, 30 years, whatever, you're allowed to walk away. I'm giving you full permission to not be dumped on anymore. So if you're listening right now and you're like, this is me, take this as that permission slip to choose you, it's okay. You're choosing you. There is no problem with that, right? And on the other side, there is that piece. There is that clarity and space for those sparkly unicorn friends I talked about.
(22:03)Yeah. So if this episode hit home, you could first of all get my boundaries pocket guide. If you don't have that, that is free. I know people love the little free stuff. That's easy, right? We got these tips that are free. That's great. You want to do transformational work. I just had three people sign up this week for long-term real freaking transformation. And I do run out of spots I don't have. This is a lot of work. This is a lot of my time and investment and I really care about my clients. I put a lot into this so I don't have endless openings. So if you are interested, go sign up. We will work around your schedule to find a time, a weekly call on Zoom in between. If you sign up for the three month jam, which is like you're not going to recognize yourself after, in a good way, you get Voxer access in between the calls.
(23:06)Not every day, all day. Okay, I got shit to do. I got a life, I got clients, I got my own kid. But at least once a day I will check Voxer and if you leave a message, I will respond within 24 or 48 hours, usually 24. But you get that, that's like a bonus you get for doing the three month. If you want to do one month at a time. There's that option too. There is no vox or access. It's still great. Once a week on zoom, we zoom, zoom. What is that? That's mindset talk, which that's shifting enough. But then you put in the somatic healing, which is healing the body. Ooh girl. If you want more information, I'll put my email. That's always in the show notes too. This combination of mindset and body work is what you need for lasting and lasting healing.
(24:00)The mindset work is great, but what I noticed with myself with clients is I don't think you ever fully fall back all the way, but you can have shifts and then you might backpedal or stop doing this or that. When you do this body healing work, it just like amplifies the healing you're doing with the mindset work. And it makes it last because the body remembers. The body remembers everything. It's stored in there. You get in the tight shoulders, the stomach aches, the headaches. That's the body. That's stress, that's tension. So the mindset work can help a lot with the thinking and how to navigate things and how to handle the narcissist and the body work is we are going to calibrate your nervous system so you can handle anything. You can handle those conversations. So it just like the two together is where it's at. That's no matter what you sign up for. With me, we are doing both of those things. Where are you going to be in five years? Let's do two years. Two years from now. If you haven't done the work, the transformational work, how are you going to feel if you're still in the same place you are right now in two years?
(25:27)I love a vacation too, but for me that lasting healing and transformation is more important. That would be my priority. I know not everyone's going to be there, but if you are there and you're like, I don't want to be here in two years, I really don't. I've been doing this. Maybe you've been in stuck for a while. If you want to get unstuck, let's do it. I have faith in you. I know you can do it. All of my clients have had incredible success. I have testimonials, I have all that junk. And we have fun doing it too. I mean it's work as in you got to show up. But we can have fun. We know you are working with the queen here and you're a queen. So two queens on a Zoom call. I mean, can't be that bad, right? Alright, so definitely go sign up.
(26:26)And I know I got on a side tangent, but I don't know, passion just comes over me. What can I say? That's the Italian too. So I will see you in the next episode. We're going to do a thrive in five Thursdays are thrive in five. I usually do something related to the Tuesday episode and it's thrive in five. So it's some sort of somatic healing or a pep talk, quick pep talk, breath work, meditation, whatever, different things. So I will be recording that actually right after this. I'm going to do a two for one. Look at me, go look at me stacking my work so I can put that out on Thursday. And don't forget to follow the podcast wherever you're go run and do that. All the things. It's a big to-do list today. Make sure you're following so you get notified. Every time my podcast pops, it drops, pops and drops and locks.
(27:25)Okay? Because you want to be ready for our queen talks, don't you? Yeah, you look like you do. All right, let's take a deep breath. Inhale and release. Inhale and release. You guys did amazing listening to all that jabbering. I'm so proud of you. You get an extra little heart emoji from me. I wish I could send you heart emojis here. That'd be fun. Alright, so go do the things. If you want to dive deep, just let's just do it. Let's go for it. It's going to be fun. Okay? All right, loves these. See you in the next episode. Bye.

Narcissistic Family Roles Detox

📅 Book a private session:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
💬  Join my private facebook community here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
Grab your free Boundaries guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Empowered Boundaries Course:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you. Hey. Hey, queen. Today we're doing a little identity detox from the role that your narcissistic family cast you in. Because listen, if you were the scapegoat, the fixer, the golden girl, the lost one, that was not you. It was a role you adapted to so you could survive in this toxic system that was created. But you're safe now. Take a breath. You're going to be safe. If you don't feel safe. Now you are going to, we're going to get you there, but we're going to start letting that old identity fall away. Say byes. Say byes, kiss it goodbye. This five minute practice is called the roll detox. So grab your journal if you can, and if not, just listen and let it land.
(01:07)Save it for later. And if you want to come back to it and get a journal, you can do that. But just really be present with this one. Okay? So step one, you're naming the role. Okay? So ask yourself, what role did I play in my family growing up? Were you the rebel, the perfect one, the one who kept quiet and kind of just disappeared into the background? Then you go a little deeper. Who did I have to become in order to feel safe or accepted in the family? Now, name it out loud. First we're going to start with I became the what to survive. Is it the rebel? Is it the attention seeker? Is it that golden child energy? The perfect one, the one who kept quiet? What did you become to survive the family or I learned to be what? Because it felt safer than being rejected.
(02:23)None of these are your actual identity. Think of it as your armor. You are putting on this identity as armor. You put it onto survive and now it's safe to start taking it off. Take it off, girl. Alright, so step two, challenge the lie. Okay? So that role created a belief in you. So ask what lie did that role teach me about myself? These are some common ones. One of mine was this. I'm too much or too sensitive, right? I'm too much. But there's also, I'm not enough in a different way, right? I'm not enough. Maybe I'm not interesting enough. Maybe it's I'm not smart enough. Just good enough in any form is not good enoughness. Okay? Another common one. My needs are a burden, okay? I have a very close person in my life for privacy sake. I will not mention who it is, but this was hers.
(03:35)She felt like she was always a burden to her parent. Always a burden. Did you ever feel like that? Or fear? Like if you spoke up, you'd be punished. And I'm not just talking violence, punished by sharp words, punished by being ignored. Punished by not getting things that other kids in the family might get because you spoke up. There's many ways that narcissists will punish you. I do think of them as the punishers. If you don't do what they want, when they want and how they want, you will get punished. So now let's flip it. So you've written down what is the lie that rule taught you about yourself? So you have that down. Now flip it, reclaim the truth, and then don't forget to say it out loud. You're writing it down, but also say it out loud. It's so healing to say stuff out loud. Can I just tell you, say it out loud. I'm loud. I have no problem doing that and then let it land. So some examples of this, my sensitivity is not a flaw, it's a gift.
(05:00)I love my sensitivity. Now I'm sensitive. I'm empathetic. That's good. Does that make you a target for a narcissist? Sometimes, but we're learning to queen it out so we can rise above that and not take the bait. So own your sensitivity. Now, that's your armor. Shine that shit. Okay? You look sexy in sensitivity. I'm going to create a quote and put that on my Facebook. Guys, if you're not following me on my Facebook, by the way, always go click all the links. All the links in my show notes of the podcast, okay? I have a private Facebook group full of women just like you. And I drop some quotes, sometimes videos, my podcast episodes in there, all the fun. So go join that. All right. How about this one? I deserve love without earning it. You don't have to earn love. No. That should be given to you out them gates, out them wombs. Okay? You deserve love without earning it. Another one. Oh, let's see who this hits. Let's am safe When I'm fully myself. Fully, I am safe when I'm fully myself. Doesn't that feel good? If you could believe that, let's get you there. We're starting by just saying it out loud, okay? We're trying to start the transformation.
(06:35)Another one being seen isn't dangerous, it's now powerful, right? Some of us growing up, being seen or heard could be dangerous. Why? Because we get punished. The punisher, the great Punisher, Uhuh, nope, it's powerful. Now we grownups and we're going to take our power back and it's going to be freaking powerful to be seen, to be heard, to have a voice and be able to say what your desires, what your needs are, that's power and you deserve it. So these truths are not just fluffy little affirmations. They are weapons, okay? Weapons of healing, how's that whip that healing around you? Got it? Alright, so we've got that down, okay? We've got challenging those lies. The now step three is anchoring a new identity. So take a deep breath in and out in the nose, out the mouth, close your eyes and visualize yourself free from that role.
(07:55)No mask, no performance, no guilt, just you grounded, radiant, powerful like a dang queen. Okay? What does she wear? How does she speak? How does she protect her peace? And you can pause this and really marinate on it, okay? This is where the good shit happens, doing this work and hold that version of you in your heart. That is not future you. She's already up in there. Don't you feel her queen? She's in there. You're just reconnecting to her. All right? Repeat after me and then I'll let you go. I'm probably going over. Yep, there I am. Blobby mouth went over her five minutes. Surprise. All right. Say it with me. I'm no longer playing the role they gave me. I, okay, I'm living the truth. I chose.
(09:05)I am not who they said I was. And here's my favorite. Yes, feel this one. I am who I decide to become. That is your thrive in 10 today, Queens. Real healing, real tools. We're not fluffing around. I don't fluff. Something I don't do is fluff, right? And if this cracks something open for you, go listen to this week's full episode. If you missed it, I walk you through the narcissistic family roles and how to break free from that without all the guilt Bs. So go look at that. Also, if you want to do deeper healing, really transformational stuff where you get to feel alive and have peace and have joy and don't have to struggle so much sitting in your brain spinning out all the time. If you want to get past that and heal from the body where you actually get lasting results, go click on one of those dang links I told you about, preferably the one-on-one coaching. You can start out with our Reclaim You Sessions, an hour and a half session. Okay? And then from there, we go to monthly work month, one month at a time, chapter after chapter, growth after growth, cleaning after Queening. Are you in? Yeah, go click it. All right? Have a beautiful day and I will talk to you in the next episode.
(11:54)That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment. And check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Were You the Scapegoat or the Golden Child? Understanding Narcissistic Family Roles (And How to Break Free)

Were you the scapegoat, the golden child, or the lost one?In this episode, we break down the toxic roles in narcissistic families and how they mess with your identity, confidence, and peace—and most importantly, how to break free from them for good.
📅 Book a private session:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Grab your free Boundaries guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Empowered Boundaries Course:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What if the guilt you feel around your family is not your fault, but the result of a system that was built to silence you? In today's episode, we're diving deep into narcissistic family dynamics, what they look like, why you got cast in a role you sure as hell did not sign up for, and how to finely break free without drowning in all that familial guilt. You're not crazy, you're not alone. Look, I'm right here next to you, we, and yes, we are allowed to choose peace over people, even our family, even if it's hard. When we are in these situations, have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dried ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free.
(01:08)I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Welcome back, beautiful queens. It is Christy Jade, your guide, your cheerleader, your no nonsense truth teller in my heels. Are you in your heels today? Looking super fly. Alright, so we're talking about something that can hit very deep narcissistic families and yes, grab your tea, your journal, maybe your little inner child because this is going to go deep, but hopefully be healing for you. So often we think abuse equals obvious, yelling, hitting chaos, and it does.
(02:18)But with some narcissistic families, they can be more covert, more manipulative. They might look functional on the outside, but inside there is favoritism, there's gaslighting, there is emotional neglect, masked as tough love, and there's control dressed up as we just want what's best for you. So if you grew up walking on eggshells constantly trying to earn somebody's love and feeling responsible for everyone else's emotions, that was not healthy love. That's not the love you deserved to have. Okay, so let's talk family role in narcissistic families. Everyone gets cast in a role, like a little play first. There is my personal unfavorite, the golden child. They are almost idolized. You have to walk on eggshells and everyone does. They're an extension of a narcissistic parent's ego, right? They usually can do no wrong in the family's eyes. Then there's the scapegoat. This is the one who gets blamed for everything, often the truth teller or the sensitive one, the empath, and that means also the black sheep.
(03:58)But in my opinion, it's good to be a black sheep and a narcissistic family. That means you're not like the rest, right? Then there can also be the lost child, invisible, quiet. They kind learn to disappear, to stay safe and out of the chaos of the group. So you didn't choose your role. You adapted to what you had to be to survive in this dynamic. So let's repeat that. You adapted to survive. So it wasn't weakness, it was just what you had to do. And now that you're grown, you don't have to stay stuck in that script. So here's where the guilt trap comes in, but they're family. Let's talk about the biggest tool narcissistic families used to keep you stuck. Ding, ding. Guilt. Guilt.
(04:56)Things like have you heard this before? You only have one mom. You're so sensitive, right? That's a big one. You're so sensitive, you can't take a joke and I did the best I could. You turned out fine, didn't you? Or family? Is everything family's first blood thicker than water? Not saying any of these things cannot be said in a normal family, but there's a pattern and it is used against you when you are being mistreated. Okay? That's the difference here. So family is not everything. If it costs you your peace, your truth, or very importantly, your safety, right? The real truth is blood does not give someone a pass to mistreat you. I'm going to say that a little louder, fold. The back blood does not give someone a pass to mistreat you. The old, oh, well, that's just how he is or that you hear that in family so much.
(06:04)That's just how they are. Oh, just ignore it. Oh, he's just crazy. Oh, he is just got a temper. Oh, boys will be boys. It can be girls too. I'm just just doing the he right now. We'll throw some girls in there too. Oh, she's just high maintenance. Oh, she's just a little princess. Oh, she's just on her period there now you don't want to hear about the girl one anymore. No. So you've heard all the excuses that are given for narcissists. So how to start breaking free without swimming around in that guilt. So first, here's what I want you to remember. You are allowed to set boundaries, right? I'm not saying you go cut every single person off and your family and throw 'em and flush 'em, right? You're allowed to set boundaries and you stick. I have a great boundaries course. If you don't know, I also have a freebie boundary guide.
(07:03)I am going to put in the description of this episode. You need to grab it if you have not grabbed it. It's a very recent creation. A couple of weeks ago I put it out. So go grab that and I also have a course. I'll link that too. That is epic. But if you have trouble setting boundaries, both of those things can help you. But you're allowed to set boundaries even with your family. It's okay. You're allowed to say no even to your mother often, and I know it can be generational too, but that's also an excuse We over, okay?
(07:37)Oh, they're old. No, no one should treat you like crap. And it's okay to have boundaries and stick to them and give actual consequences. And you're allowed to take space. You're allowed to say, I'm going to back off for a couple of weeks and just get my bearings. You're allowed to go low contact, right? You don't want to go all the way, no contact, that's fine. Go lower contact, give yourself a little more peace, or you are allowed to go no contact in certain situations. If there is someone in your family that is abusive, it is absolutely a thousand percent okay to go no contact. Do you want to set boundaries first and try that out to see so you never have regrets? Yeah, I would. I love to give people chances. Guess what though? You fuck up on some chances. It's a no. And you're allowed to heal.
(08:36)Even if they don't apologize, even if they don't right their wrongs, it is not about them. This is about you and your journey. This is about you saying, I want peace. I'm deciding I'm not taking their bait. I'm not believing their, I'm saying I am ready to have peace and I'm the rule creator for this relationship, right? That doesn't mean go be abusive to them. That's not what I'm saying here. You don't build boundaries to go be mean to people. No. You build boundaries to protect your peace. Yeah, remind yourself of that because sometimes a lot of us will feel guilty placing boundaries because we are conditioned and told that we are the mean ones. We're being irrational or unreasonable when we're just trying to protect ourselves. So I'm here to tell you, this is about protecting your peace. You're not doing anything to anybody.
(09:48)You're not controlling anybody. You're controlling yourself and how you handle the situation. So here's a little practical tip for you. Start small. If you haven't heard of my hell yes, hell no list. We'll start small with that. Write down hell yes on one side, hell no on the other. Who makes you feel safe and seen? Who drains you, manipulates you or triggers guilt, right? Just list the people in your family, okay? Start with that. What's working, what's not? And you can go further. You can work with me one-on-one to really get into all of that and help heal that and help change that story without guilt. But you don't owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace, especially not people who never protected you. Let's say that again, and I'm going to post it on Facebook. I've just said it in that hit, you don't owe anyone an explanation for protecting your peace, especially not the people who never protected you.
(11:04)We feel like we owe people. That's natural. You're a nice person with a heart and a soul, right? You're probably empathetic. You know what it feels like, but guess what? You're doing nothing wrong by protecting your peace. There's a reason you are here at this point. So what would it feel like to feel that freedom doesn't mean getting there is overnight and easy, but working with me, it can be fun. We can shine our little crowns together. You might feel sad, you might have a little confusion working through it, but over time, I am here. I'm telling you on the other side of for me, I did go no contact with narcissist.
(11:56)You do feel lighter. You stop second guessing every decision. You breathe deeper, you sleep better, and this is huge. You trust yourself more. You can trust yourself. You build yourself trust. What are you without self-trust? You're living in someone else's damn body. You'll begin to build your chosen family. Let's say you do end up low or no contact with some people. It opens it up for people that deserve your friendship, your relationship, your love. People that lift you up, people that see you and hear you and believe you and give you the benefit of the doubt. Meet you halfway. People that don't confuse and manipulate and gaslight you, people who love you for every part of you as you are and don't project onto you. There's no performance, there's no roles. There's no freaking game. Spider web of crap. That's the kind love that heals you.
(13:13)That's the kind of love that heals your children and their children and all the generations after. That is true love, and I have that in my life. Do you know how amazing that is to come from a certain part of life where I felt like helpless. That's the only word I can use in this situation. I felt absolutely heartbroken and helpless. I'm trying to be more open and raw here in my podcast because I am a very bubbly, fun personality. But I want you guys to know I get it. I seriously just got choked up. I don't like talking about the dark parts, but I'm supposed to, right? It's part of it. I've done a lot of that work, but I need to bring it to you so you can see. I get it. I've been there. I have been in the dark laying there, praying to God, saying, what do I do?
(14:23)God, I don't know what to do. I felt like the situation was absolutely impossible. I thought there was no way I could stay in it and no way I could stay, get out of it. It felt absolutely impossible. And I'm here to tell you it's not impossible. It's not. You learn to set boundaries. You do, I think really need support. I got support. I got help with somebody who knows narcissism. So again, I would love to help you through any of this. I will put how to work with me in the description box. This does not have to be something you navigate alone and it should not be something you navigate alone. It is heavy shit. It's heavy shit. It's dark where you're at. But that's the whole point is I want to reach and hold your hand and help you climb out of that mud.
(15:24)See the light, get to the light, feel that lighter. Can you imagine actually not having that visceral shoulders up all the time? Always second guessing yourself, always waiting for the shoe to drop, not knowing how to navigate the situation. Even if you're lower contact, just not really having a plan, still feeling like up in the air. The balls are up in the air and it's just like a chaotic mess. Imagine feeling peace. Imagine feeling like you are in control. That's what we need for you. You have to feel like you are in control and you trust yourself and no matter what comes at you or what they say or do, you got it. You can handle it and you know what to do. That's how I want to help you feel. That's the light, right? That's that. Ah, just like settled, comfortable at peace, calm.
(16:29)You get to feel those things. So if you are ready, sign up for a session with me. You got to be ready. Are you ready? So like I said, I have the boundaries guide. I've got the course. If you want to do the real work, sign up. We do our intro session and then there are sessions after that. The intro session. You do not stop there. Sure. It'll give you a little fun feeling. You get like when you go to see a motivational speaker or something, sure you'll have a little kick, not a little pep in your step there. It is a little pep in your step, probably for a couple days. You might learn a couple tools and sure, I do my work to help people and I think it'll help you. These podcasts help you and they're free, right? It's great. But if you want to do transformational, long lasting work, you need to do the work. You need to go deep and you need to be ready and say, yeah, let's do this, queen. Okay? So sign up for your Reclaiming You private session. We're going to help clear that guilt and build a plan, and we are going to go from there because you want this life. It is not meant to struggle. And how old are we?
(18:00)I mean, what would life look like if you are in the same place five years from now? I know a lot of you say you feel stuck. I'm here to help you get unstuck. That is my job. It is the best thing in the damn world to help unstick my peeps, my queens. So you don't want to be in the same situation. You don't want to be dreading family events. You don't want to be not knowing what to do when the phone rings or the text comes through. You don't want the guilt. You don't want to feel like you want to be a good role model for your kids and have a peaceful, happy life, but there's this disruption and drama and chaos. Come on, we're too old. We're too old for this. I mean, no age should deal with it, but at this stage, it's time to take control of your life, get your power back.
(19:01)You deserve that, okay? You're not broken because of your family. You are becoming that cycle breaker, the pattern shifter, the one your future self, your kids will thank. That's why you're here. That's why you're on this podcast. Okay? So I see you and you are reclaiming that crown. So go click that link and then don't forget to follow the podcast. So you get the notifications. And on Thursdays we have Thrive in Five, usually related to the Tuesday episodes where there's some delicious body energy healing going on or tools or techniques. It's five minutes. It's just like a bite-sized podcast every Thursday. So you get more tools to help. But if you want that deep transformation, hit that damn link and let's go. I hate that saying, that's so popular. Now let's go. I think I just hate when people are like, yeah, bro, let's go, but let's go Queen. Maybe that makes it better. Are you ready to go? Let's go. All right, I'll see you in the next episode.
 

Was It Real Love? Here’s the Truth in 3 Quick Questions

🎁 FREE RESOURCE:
Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral.Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY:
You're not meant to heal alone.Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group!✨ Join here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
 
 
👑 Work 1:1 With Me
Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power?📅 Book a private session:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
 
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a Breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello Queens. Are you still spinning in your head? Wondering, was it lover Just control? Today I'm giving you three simple but powerful questions that can help you stop the obsessive loop and reclaim some clarity. Let's get into it. Number one, did they love you or the version of you that served their needs? So narcissists are great at mirroring, but when you stop pleasing them or you had maybe a conflict or brought up something that bothered you how they were treating you, or you wanted to do something for yourself or something your way and not always theirs, did the love vanish? Did they punish? Did they hold things back? That is control, not love, right? Number two, did they make you feel consistently safe and supported? Like steady no matter what they were on your team, lifting you up on your side supporting you, or confused and anxious? Maybe there were some moments of support. Usually that is during a time that's benefiting them, but mostly confusing you, manipulating you, playing mind games, making you feel like you're crazy, causing you anxiety. Which one?
(01:55)Real love creates peace. It makes you feel secure. It makes you feel calmer, right? Not the up and the down and the woo all around. No, no, ma'am. Narc, love, love, let me put it in quotes, can really create panic, end of story, chaos, inconsistency. We talked about this Tuesday on the longer episode, right? About the inconsistency, the chaos, the back and forth, the up and down, making your mind a whirlwind. Even after you have left them, you still have that imprint and the questions, questioning yourself, not trusting yourself, not knowing what to trust about what really happened, what was real, what wasn't real, what was love? What was not love? Number three were your needs. Your needs that you deserve by the way, ever truly prioritized or where they always, always pushed to the side.
(03:09)Love honors you as a whole, right? And your needs, it honors you as a human being, right? Narc, love erases who you are. I'll say that again. Love honors you as your whole human narc. Love erases it. If you're going, where the F did I go? Who am I? What do I do? Now it makes sense if you were in a relationship with a narc of any kind, right? So if you answered those and you felt a gut punch on the negative side of the answer, you're not crazy. You're just waking up to all of this and good thing you are. Some people don't get the chance to wake up. They don't get the chance. You're getting this chance. You're seeing it in a new light, maybe confusing. You may want answers. That's what I'm here for, to help you, to guide you. But you get to choose the truth, the real truth, your truth, what really happened and who you are.
(04:32)You get to know who you are all over again rather than the fantasy of what was the fantasy of the love that was shared between you. That wasn't really love, it was control and maybe addiction, codependency. And you get to build a life based on real love, starting with loving yourself the right way, knowing what you expect for yourself from yourself, bleeding into other relationships. You will enter, not just romantic, okay? I'm talking friendships. Anybody you're letting into your life better be able to show you real love. We can often get attracted to the wrong people when we are used to controlling relationships, certain types of people we're comfortable. Get uncomfortable with controlling people. Get uncomfortable with narcissists. Get uncomfortable with people who don't reciprocate. Get uncomfortable with people who only talk about themselves and focus on themselves. What should you get comfortable with? People who uplift you, people who want to hear more about you, people who are there for you, people who are steady and in your corner, people who are excited about you.
(05:58)So if you haven't listened to that episode, go listen to Tuesday's episode. I go deeper into this, how to move forward when your brain is tangled up in the doubt, in the questions. All right, Queens, you got this. I hope this is helpful. Save the episode. If you start to get those doubts, go back and look at those questions. You know the answers. If you're here, you probably know the answers already, and sometimes it takes just seeing them, hearing them from someone else, having it spelled out to wake up and say, wow, this sucks. It hurts when you realize all of this. It's painful. This isn't easy stuff, but know what it is. It makes it easier. I will say to move forward, once you say out loud the things you have to say out loud, excuse me, pardon me. A little alarm saying those things out loud, saying, you know what?
(06:58)That wasn't the love I deserved. That wasn't authentic, true love. It was control. It was codependency. It wasn't the real love that I am going to get from myself and from others from this point on. Can I get a what? What? Thank you. Alright, so take a deep breath. It's a lot to take in. I know. Shake it out. Shake your arms. I'm also doing my podcast now on YouTube too, so you can get the visual. No, I just thought, I know a lot of my YouTube people like podcasts, but they like the video ones. So I'm putting on there on video now, so you can check those out too. And as always in the show notes, if you're looking for ways to work with me, if you want to really show up and do the work, like big transformations, you've got to actually consistently meet with someone, whether it's me or a therapist.
(08:01)If you are going to a therapist, make sure they know a lot about narcissism because it is not some cookie cutter way of dealing with co-parent or exes. It's not a normal healthy individual you break up with or you have to deal with this stuff with, right? We know that. So you have to make sure they really know narcissism. But you do to make transformation, I'm talking, you get to find yourself again. You get to have peace. I know you're not asking for much, and you can get there, but you've got to actually make the move, even though it can be scary to make that first move and say, yeah, I'm ready. So are you ready? If you're ready, go on my show notes. Click on the ways you can work with me there and let's do this. You deserve it, and I want, this is what my dream is. I got out on the other side and I want to help people like you. I went through absolute hell mind body, right? I ended up in the er. I was choked by a phone cord. My back was nearly snapped in half on a bathtub.
(09:18)None of that's fun to talk about, but I'm here to tell you, you can leave that behind, come out of it and shine and do more for yourself and more for your children. Love yourself harder and let your children see that so they know how to love themselves the right way. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Bye. That's your Thrive in five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your peace like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Did the Narcissist Really Love You? Here’s How to Know for Sure

Wondering if the narcissist ever truly loved you?In this episode, we unpack what narcissistic “love” really is, why it feels so convincing, and how to finally tell the difference between real love and control. If you’re stuck in confusion, this truth-packed episode will give you the clarity—and closure—you deserve.
💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY:
You're not meant to heal alone.Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group!✨ Join here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
🎁 FREE RESOURCE:
Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral.Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
👑 Work 1:1 With Me
Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power?📅 Book a private session:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:00)Alright, Queens, welcome back to narcissistic abuse Recovery. We're going to keep it real and raw today. Well and always. So let's just get real here. Many of us get out of a toxic relationship and we spiral, right? It's normal, it's okay. Take a breath. We've all done it, but we're haunted by. But did they ever really love me? And I'm going to say something hard, but I love you and I'm going to say it with truth and compassion here. They may have loved you in a way that's different. It's more about how you make them feel, which we can relate to in a little bit. But they're all about the ego. So their form of love is truly about loving what they're gaining. It's feeding them. They loved what you gave them. The real love, that healthy type of love, that kind that sees you, values you, uplifts you.
(02:10)That's not what they have to offer. That's not the love they provide, and you deserve that, right? Of course. So what real love looks like versus narc love, real love, and you might want to write this down, you might want to go back to this. Keep this in your notes. When you are entering new romantic relationships or new friendships or any type of relationship with anyone you'll be spending time with in any form feels safe, it feels steady, it feels respectful. It feels supportive of your growth. They want to see you do well narcissists often, and it goes both ways. It's give and take. It's not take, take, take. So narcissistic love feels like a wild ass roller coaster, high highs, low lows, light, dark. It always ends up in the dark though. That's the bad news. With the narcissist, it will always go back to dark.
(03:22)It feels transactional. It can be obsessive and possessive, right? You are a property to them in a way. You are a possession of theirs. So it can feel like that where it might feel good to you in a way. Maybe you kind of like the feeling when they get jealous. It's like, oh look, they're showing they love me. That's not love by the way. But we can view that in these situations as a type of them showing their love that catches. That's not love, that's just the control, right? And it's centered on control, not connection. I'm going to say that part again. Their love is centered on control, not connection with you. I want that to sink in because I think that for me was something when I realized that myself was like, wow, we did not connect in the way I needed. I was always wanting more.
(04:28)There was something missing, and that's a big element that misses when you're with a narcissist so they don't fall in love with you. They become, especially in the beginning, obsessed with the supply you represent. We're talking about that feeding you, feed them how you maybe made them feel admired, powerful. They love people who accommodate them, who compliment them all the time, who blow their egos up. So if you're an empath, if you've got a huge heart, if you are expressive with your words, if you put things aside for yourself to support them always and they don't reciprocate that, that is that uneven supply they're getting, right? You're essentially a mirror for their ego. So it's not a partnership. Narcissists cannot be in a healthy true partnership. So how do they weaponize love as control narcissists say, I love you as a leash. So especially in the beginning, but also between the abuse, they will love bomb you with the attention gifts and soulmate talk, which you may misunderstand is the connection you're actually missing.
(05:59)But you feel like, well, they're saying these words, but deep down you probably don't really feel it. You're like, well, soulmates don't do this other stuff subconsciously. You may know that, but the soulmate, oh, you're my soulmate, or I got no one's ever made me feel the way you feel. You're so special. We've gone through so much together. You're the only one who can X, Y, z. Did you hear any of those? Yeah. So they will also use your loyalty against you later. They know as you get more and more loyal, which you will fall under that you have already in the past, if you're listening to this, you may be out of the situation, but maybe some people are still in it, but we're talking about, and you should know when you were very loyal to them, it probably progressed more and more and you felt more fear associated with if you were not loyal or you did not do exactly what they said.
(07:00)So they do this. If you loved me, you wouldn't go out with your girlfriends. You'd be wanting to spend time only with me. If you loved me, you would do this for me if you loved me, right? It's this guilt trip related to loyalty. But they don't give you loyalty back necessarily, right? Except with the possession type attachment, the codependency. So they also will punish you. That could be with the silent treatment or just withdrawal of the love bombing of the compliments of the carrots they give you. They'll start holding those back, making you want them and desire them and just wait for them hoping they'll come back around. When you set a boundary, when you're like, I really even bringing up something that is not accommodating what they are doing, they can do that, right? The other one is using fake vulnerability to rope you back in.
(08:05)And this is a tough one because sometimes we can't tell, especially when we're fully in it, what is real and fake. They could have crocodile tears, they can have, I'm sorry, it's just that I had a really hard life and right? And it's just the sob stories all the time about their constant poor behavior towards you, and they will act as if they're being vulnerable, crying, opening up to you. Again, you might mistake this for that connection that you're seeking, but that's the wrong connection. That's the guilt tripping and fake vulnerability connection. So that is not love. It's a strategy manipulating and it's masquerading as intimacy. So you were not loved in the way we love you were used, and it's not your fault. And yes, it sucks. Of course, we all look back, we spent how many years of our life being used? How did I not see that?
(09:17)We're not going to do that here today, and we'll have episodes of addressing that. And of course you want to get into the nitty gritty of that and get rid of that. Come work with me. I am an expert at helping you navigate this. That's why I'm here. You want to do the real work? I get it. It is very hard where you're at and I have been there and I have thought about what I let happen to me, and I don't know how I didn't get help. It's very hard living through that, and it doesn't seem fun to shine a light on it and get help for it. But I am telling you, I went through not just narcissistic abuse, but physical abuse I just mentioned in my group for the first time, I'm talking about my actual physical injuries. I was choked by a phone cord.
(10:15)I was sitting there not knowing if it was going to be my last breath getting dizzy, feeling like, oh, here it goes, here I go, and I didn't get help. Then I, all I can say is I didn't know or didn't want to face it. Sometimes we don't want to face it. There's a bunch of different reasons, but we're not here to dwell on that part. Yes, we address it, we talk about it. I'm talking about my own situation more. It's not comfortable. That's probably why I haven't talked about it in public too much. But guess what, we're here now. And if you don't want to lose more years of your life to this, if you want to break the cycle for your own children, if you don't want to end up with health issues because of all of this gnawing at you in the pit of your stomach, the body and the mind are connected, and we do get sick from this stuff.
(11:18)So if you want, and look, I get passionate, I'm not yelling at you, but if you want to actually heal, you're going to need to go a little deeper than the podcast or the YouTube videos. They are helpful. It's great help for understanding. If you really truly want to heal, you are going to have to take it a step further. And I love to help people. My specialty is helping people move more quickly than you think with your, and I try to keep it as fun as possible, right? I'm Christy Jade. I love a good gold crown and sparkle, so I will always put how to work with me in the show notes. It is up to you to say, I don't want to live like this anymore. And what is your life going to look like in five years from now? You're sad. You wasted so much time, so don't waste any more time for you, for your kids.
(12:20)Anyway, I got a little side tangent, passion over there, but you were used. This isn't your fault. We know what we know when we know it. It is a reflection of them, not your worth. But there is damage done. So we do have to do the work. That part is up to us. That is our responsibility. What happened is not your fault, but healing is your responsibility. So why do we confuse love with control? So this is why it hits so hard. Many of us were raised in environments where love was conditional. Most of us who have later in life had these not so great toxic relationships. Narcissistic abuse probably ended up in that situation because there was a lack of something or an unhealthy childhood, whether that be from a parent, caregiver, sibling, whatever, where the approval had to be earned somehow, maybe you're dismissed where there was tension, fear, and that was the norm.
(13:40)I in my life was on high alert a lot. Looking back, I just, my God, my shoulders must've been up to my ears most of my childhood. So when a narcissist shows up with the chaos and the charm, some people see through that, people who have been in the situations we've been in, it feels like home. It feels unpredictable, which is home to us, unsafe, which is home to us. But love is not intensity. It's not the up and the down and the, oh, we're just a passionate family, right? I mean, I'm not going to get specific with my own family or anyone, but let's be honest, there is a generational thing that went on before us where it was excused, passionate parenting. I feel like that's what we should have called it. Passionate parenting. Oh, I'm going to smack you across your head. You can clear across the table, but then two minutes later, act like nothing happened and I'm kissing your forehead and we're eating pasta and meatballs together.
(14:56)That passionate up and down intensity. Love is not intensity. Up and down, up and down. It is consistency. And that gets boring to us when we are used to intensity. So we tend to be drawn to the people that give us intensity. That can include chaos. It doesn't matter. It could be the really happy, upbeat, crazy people that are wild, we like them, or people that are charismatic and love bombing, and then behind closed doors are hurting you. Love is not sacrifice. Sacrificing your own wants and needs. Yes, you're going to compromise in relationships of any kind. You should be compromising. It's healthy. No one's the same. You got to meet in the middle. You're not going to sacrifice your mental health, okay? That's what you're not going to sacrifice. Love is safe. We'll all have our disagreements. We're going to have fights here and there.
(16:04)We're human. There's a difference between that and a pattern of sacrifice, a pattern of chaos, a pattern of not feeling safe in your home every day. That is not love. So you were not crazy. You were conditioned. You were conditioned probably from an early age, and then it felt real nice and cozy, but it's not nice and cozy. And I'm here on the other side to say, guess what? You do actually get rid of that desire for intensity. I have the most steady, safe, calm husband in the world. I never would've guessed that from where I came from, and I can't tell you how amazing it feels, but I did a lot of work. So yes, this is for the people who are ready to do the work. So what can you ask yourself to reclaim the truth? Ask, did I feel emotionally safe in the relationship?
(17:13)You're probably immediately going to say no. Most of you, unless you're still in a denial phase, which is fine. I'm here to tell you, if you're on this podcast, you didn't feel safe. Okay? Number two, did I feel free to grow and be myself? Do your own things. Did you get to choose what you wanted to do, what you wanted to wear, who you wanted to be? If you said, I want to change careers, was your partner okay with that? Did you feel free? And number three was their love based on who I was or what you gave them. And that could be just feeding their ego, accommodating them or was it on who you truly were?
(18:10)And sometimes that's hard. You might have to navigate that for a few minutes to figure that out. But I know I walked on eggshells with my narcissist. There's a couple in my life, but one of them walked on major eggshells to accommodate them to do what they want to do because I just did it. It was not worth the fight or wanting to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it because I would either get punished or, yeah, punished is basically the outcome. Okay? So you deserve real love and real love does not break you. It's not that crumbling and putting together, and even when you crumble in a narcissistic, abusive situation, you're usually the one that has to put yourself back together. You might get a fake, I'm sorry, that's going to benefit them because they know how to work the abuse cycle, of course, and they might not say, sorry. A lot of people say narcissists never say sorry. They're never accountable. If they are desperate, they will give an apology, but it's not a true apology. It's not authentic. You can usually tell, but they may give one. If they're desperate, you're almost out the door. They absolutely may say, sorry, it might be an empty apology. It might not come with any sort of substantial reasoning behind it, or I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry you're hurt. It's bullshit, right?
(19:50)So love is not controlling, as we've said here, right? It's not confusing. Did you feel confused as hell in your relationship? The ups, the downs, the I don't know what to do here. You deserve a love that lets you be you in your wholeness. Again, no one's perfect. We're going to have blips, but in general, you should be able to feel yourself and not go. Where the F did I go and it starts with you. You learning to love yourself seriously, fully, unapologetically. It's okay and it's hard. When you're coming out of these situations, you're conditioned to not put yourself first, to not love yourself, to think you're not worthy. They shove you down so far so they can have control over you. It's time for you look in the mirror and say, I deserve to more and I'm going to demand more. And that's okay. Christy said so. Christie says, so. Okay, so no more wondering if they loved you.
(21:16)You get to decide, was it love or control? We know the answer. And look at this. You're deciding you are in control. Take that power back. Okay? I want you to just pretend there's a big golden energy and you're just pulling it in. This is your power, okay? You get to decide and you say, what kind of love am I choosing? Next? What will I tolerate? Safety, steadiness. Kindness, uplifting, empowering, joyful, consistent love. That's the love you are going to get and you're not going to settle for less. How would that feel? How would that feel in your body to have unconditional love? That was constant, consistent. You didn't have to question it. You didn't have to say, what did I do wrong? Or Is this my fault? Maybe it is. Or, oh, I'm crazy, I'm oversensitive, or, oh, I better not say what I'm thinking at all. No, we're not going to live like that anymore.
(22:35)You are going to break out of those damn eggshells, shatter them, give them back to that narcissist. They can have their eggshells back. Thank you. And you are going to rise up. You are going to find that girl inside. You're going to find that fire that I know is in there, or you would not be here she is here, she's inside you and she's waiting, going, yes, I'm ready. I'm ready to live my life the way it should be lived. It's okay if you spent years doing something different, it brought you here. Do you understand? Yes. I went through years of all sorts of shit. Okay, but where am I now? I don't regret. I don't get mad. Yes, it sucks. So of course I feel bad for my younger self going through all of it, but I also know it led me here and I'm going to use it.
(23:31)I have used it to live a life that most people don't get to live because I had to evaluate and go, what just happened? What's happened? Oh my goodness. I need to recreate a life. A dream life, honestly. And I know right now where you are, you might not be able to think of that life. Maybe you can. I hope you can. But back when I was in the situation or soon after, I couldn't imagine being in the life I'm in. But you have to be open enough to say, I want more. I want more for myself, and I do deserve more. I didn't deserve that. Okay? It is the past. We are going to let you live your you 2.0. That's what I call it, right? You 2.0 because it's still you. She's still in there, and that's going to be a part of your story. And that's okay. We are not going to grovel over all the years lost or we're just going to lose more time. And do not give that narcissist the satisfaction of taking one more damn minute.
(24:47)Take that power back and say, what am I going to do now? I'm going to demand only the most amazing people in my life. I'm going to spend my time doing a job I love. I'm going to find the moments in the day for me. I'm going to choose to do whatever I want. I'm going to choose what shampoo I can use. I'm going to choose what vacation I want to go on. I am going to parent how I want to parent my own children. You get to be free. You get to be free. How would that feel? Just take that in for a moment. We're going to do Thursday. We're going to do, woo, I'm all hot and sweaty over here. Thursday, we're going to do thrive in five. If you're new to me, I do every Thursday a Thrive in five. It's five minutes or less of a little somatic healing, which is the body, right? We try to heal through the body. So we do meditation, we do breath work, we do visualizations, we can do sound healing. There's all sorts of stuff. So we are going to do one related to this on Thursday, which is great. We're going to actually apply this and imprint it into our bodies because all this talk is great. You might feel real motivated right now, but doing the somatic healing and ongoing work with me, that's where the transformation happens.
(26:15)My clients shifts are out of this world. I'll be honest. Every call I have, pretty much, especially the ongoing clients where they've built up, they've been with me a month, two months, three months. I've had clients after a year. The transformation, you don't recognize yourself. That's what I want for you, no matter how you get it, if it's with me or someone else, get that one-on-one accountability and someone who knows what they're doing with yes mindset work, but also the body work, the somatic healing, because the body remembers everything. Mindset work is great, but doing the actual internal healing is going to give you those lasting results. I can't tell you the changes within my own life when I started doing the somatic healing. So again, all that information is always in my show notes. I hope this episode helped you share it with anyone that you think might need it if they've been in a toxic relationship, narcissistic abuse, and I just want you to really understand the power you have within you and how you get to decide what to do with that now.
(27:42)Right? The past is the past you have now, and moving forward, what are you going to do? What do you want your life to look like five years from now, one year from now? Let's do one year. Five is a lot to think ahead, right? And one year from now, do you want to still be feeling like you're feeling or do you want to have a major transformation because you owe it to yourself, your kids, you owe it to. I mean, if you're a God person, God didn't put us here to suffer. He gives us all these beautiful things around us, these beautiful experiences, these beautiful tools in our little tool, tool bag. Tool bag. I was trying to say like backpack and bag at the same time.
(28:37)We owe it to this life, to our higher self, whatever you want to call it. I owe it to God in my mind to not be lazy with my mental health, my growth. We are not stuck. You are not stuck. I've heard a lot of people saying, I'm stuck. I remember saying, I'm stuck. I'm here to tell you, you're only as stuck as you let yourself be. Yes, give yourself grace. But I'm here. You're here for a reason. So let me help grab your hand and guide you, whatever. You're already here. This is great. Give yourself a pat on the back for what you've done so far. Just listening is a great start, but you want a real transformation. Let's freaking go. Alright, I will see you in the next episode. Like I said, Thursday, thrive in five. We are going to do some body healing, good stuff.
(29:36)And if you want to true transformation, you do have to do the work. You got to do the deeper work. So are you ready to do that? I'm ready for you. I'm ready, queen. Because everybody deserves to feel peace. Can you imagine feeling peace internally no matter what the hell's going on outside of you, you got peace and then you got freedom on top of it. You don't have the old stories in your head. You don't have the low self-esteem anymore. You don't have the decision fatigue. You don't have the, am I crazy? Was that real or not real? You don't have all the questions all the time. It's exhausting. Get out of your head. Let's transform. Okay? Alright, go look at my signup link and I will see you on Thursday.

3 Quick Shifts for Co-Parenting Peace (When You're Dealing with a Narcissist)

🎁 FREE RESOURCE:
Goodbye Guilt, Hello Boundaries3 powerful strategies to stop people-pleasing and set boundaries that actually stick — without the guilt spiral.Grab your free guide: 👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
 
💬 JOIN THE COMMUNITY:
You're not meant to heal alone.Come hang with me and other women healing from narcissistic abuse in our free Facebook group!✨ Join here:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
🎙 What You’ll Learn:
Feeling wired and fried after a text from the narcissist?This 5-minute somatic practice will calm your nervous system fast — and help you reclaim your peace before the spiral takes over.
This is trauma-informed, body-based healing made simple.
👑 Work 1:1 With Me
Need personalized support to reclaim your peace and power?📅 Book a private session:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, hello Queens. It's ChristyJade here, and I am so excited for this episode. This co-parenting stuff is just, it is a hot topic right now. A lot of people needing this. So I decided I would do my Thrive in five this week related to it since I just did a whole episode on it Tuesday. If you missed it, go back. Listen to that, put in your saved episodes, listen to it later, but definitely catch that one. So if co-parenting is feeling like an emotional whiplash with a side of guilt, you're not alone, right? But today I am going to give you three quick but powerful mindset shifts to help you stay grounded, not get sucked into all their chaos, and try to parent as much as you can with peace, right? Even if they're not so peaceful. So we're going to try keep it as short as possible. Let's dive in.
(01:00)Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath, queen. This one's for you. All right? The old stop trying to be the bigger person all the time. This advice gets thrown around a lot, especially to women. But when you are dealing with a narcissist, they can use that against you. They will use that against you. So being the bigger person doesn't mean tolerating disrespect or avoiding boundaries. I'm the boundary queen. I love a good boundary. It means showing up with clarity. Calm, that's an important word here. Don't take that bait girls and values that protect your piece. So what does that look like? Instead of asking, how do I avoid upsetting them because we're sick of walking on the damn eggshells. That's why we're out of the situation.
(02:01)Try something like what actually honors my mental health and models, emotional safety for my child, what honors my mental health and models, the emotional safety for my kiddo? Two very important things. Alright? Number two is a big one. I just talked about this today in one of my sessions. Let go of the idea that you're working together, right? I know you want a functional co-parenting situation. Who doesn't? Of course, that would be great. But with a narcissist, it's not reality. You might need to hear it louder. I might need to scream it. I don't feel like screaming, but I'll repeat it with a narcissist. It is not reality to have a functional co-parenting situation. You are not in a partnership. You're basically, I mean, let's be honest, in damage control constantly. So what works better than that? Parallel parenting. Have you heard of this? It's structured communication.
(03:10)Very, very clear limits. A K, a boundaries and no fantasy of getting on the same page. You know what the good news is? You'll never be on the same page with a narcissist. That's actually good news because their pages suck. Okay? So stop chasing connection with someone who literally is committed to chaos. They don't connect in the same way we do. They don't get on the same page. So you got to choose the clarity, choose the structure, right? Take the emotion out of it and choose you and your child's piece. The third shift, reframe their chaos. And I love this. I always think of it this way. It's noise, but it's background noise. It's not just noise. Let it be in the background when they start baiting you, which they do on text, guilt tripping you through your kids. Pause. Pause. Can we all get that tattooed all over our bodies?
(04:07)Pause. Breathe. Imagine their voice like static on a radio. It's like Charlie Brown's teacher. You don't have to tune in. That's the good thing. That's their radio station. You don't have to answer right away. I know you have the compulsion. You were conditioned to feel like you had to due to fear. We're going to stomp that fear. No, you do not have to answer right away. You don't have to answer at all unless it's related to the child's wellbeing or immediate situation with the child, right? So use the three question test. Maybe you should write some notes here on this one or save it and go back to it and write some notes if you're not in a place to, but this is a good one to write notes on. Three question, test one, is it about the child? I'm saying if they're coming to communicate to you and you don't want to deal with their noise, is it about the child first?
(05:09)Is it urgent? Three, does it truly require a response? If the answer is not a clear yes, breathe, it can wait or totally ghosted, I vote for ghosted if you can, right? Okay, so I know it's not easy. You are doing better than you think, though you are. You're here, right? And this situation, I want to say this. Can I bold my words? This situation does not need to control you. This situation does not need to control you. Your nervous system matters, right? So that's why we do the somatic stuff. All the somatic work. If you want to work with me one-on-one, I'll put link in my description of the podcast. Your boundaries matter. Oh, do you guys know? Also, I have a new boundaries pocket guide and it's free. I will put that for sure in the show notes too. All these things just keep, they think of all the things I can help you with.
(06:19)So excuse me, it's just so relevant. But the boundaries thing, I'm so excited. I just created this. It's a brand new thing. It's awesome. So go check it out and your piece matters. Your piece matters. Say it over and over. Make that an affirmation. Guys. Write it in lipstick on your mirror. So every time you look at your beautiful face, whether you're brushing your teeth or popping a pimpy, your piece matters. You can parent powerfully. Even if that other parent is toxic. Bad news bears, you still can, I promise. So like I said, if you want deeper support, I'll put the link there. You can go listen to the full episode of Tuesday's episode with setting Boundaries with a narcissistic co-parent. Start here, right? That's Tuesdays and I break it all down. There's some little scripts and boundary strategies that actually work with someone like this who we're talking about that dreaded narc. So find it all in the show notes, or you can search narcissistic abuse recovery. But if you're listening to this, you probably already found this stuff. You already found the goods. So you've got this. I believe in you. Do you believe in you? Hand on heart. Say, I believe in me, I'm a queen. Go ahead. I'm waiting louder.
(07:45)Oh, I did hear you. Alright, I will talk to you in the next episode. That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast so you don't miss a moment, and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Setting Boundaries with a Narcissistic Co-Parent? Start Here.

📢 GRAB THIS BEFORE YOU LISTEN:🔥 Ready to stop feeling like a doormat in your own life?Snag your FREE copy of “Bye, Guilt. Hello, Boundaries! Guide to Boundaries That Stick (Without the Guilt Spiral)”👉 https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
This isn’t your typical fluffy PDF. You’ll learn how to:💥 Ditch guilt for good💥 Set boundaries that actually hold up (even with narcissists)💥 Protect your peace like the queen you are
This guide is your first step to saying nope with confidence—and meaning it.
—
🎧 EPISODE BREAKDOWN:
Let’s be honest—co-parenting with a narcissist is next-level. You’re not just managing a schedule… you’re managing chaos, manipulation, and emotional landmines.
In this episode, I’m breaking down:
The #1 mindset shift that will change the game
Boundaries that actually work with a narcissistic co-parent
Scripts and strategies to stay calm, clear, and in control
Why traditional co-parenting advice fails (and what to do instead)
This is your permission slip to stop playing nice and start protecting your peace.
—
💬 Join my private FREE Facebook group for support + healing:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
—
💥 Want to go deeper with boundaries at podcast listener's VIP pricing?!Check out my Empowered Boundaries Course—a self-paced journey to help you stop people-pleasing and start standing tall in your truth.👉 https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/?coupon=QUEEN50
—
Let’s connect:💖 Instagram: @fiercechristyjade💬 Email support & coaching: fiercemamac@gmail.com
  
👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
 
:  
---
 
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Tired of feeling like your narcissistic ex is still controlling your life somewhat, even after the breakup you're trying to co-parent. But it feels more like combat. Let's be real, right? Boundaries should help. So why do they not seem to work with them today? We're getting into y narcissists are different beasts when it comes to co-parenting and some boundary strategies that actually work. Let's go clean. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back while you're in the right place. Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry ice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.
(01:03)Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself. Again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, it is Christa. Today we're diving into one of the most exhausting post abuse challenges, co-parenting with a narcissist. Let's be real. This is not normal. This is parallel parenting with a manipulative, self-serving adult child who uses the kids as pawns and the drama as fuel. They love that drama and that's why, oh, just communicate better or take the high road advice from well-meaning people doesn't work here. It doesn't work. And so let's break it down. Why are they different? Right? First, they don't want peace.
(02:10)Some healthy minded individuals after a divorce may be hurt, but they really do want peace in the end. So they might disagree with you, but they actually want the resolution a narcissist. They want what control. We know that chaos, they actually want chaos and a reaction. You're feeding them even if it's a negative reaction. So if your boundaries are focused on keeping the peace, you're already playing their game. Okay? Number two, they weaponize everything. So information, your tone, the kid's schedule, anything can be twisted. This means your boundaries have to be so tight, minimal. And my part of what I teach in my boundaries course and elsewhere is emotionless. And that's hard. That's hard for a lot of you, and it was hard for me, but there's ways to do it, okay? And number three, they see boundaries as attacks. They're not seeing, you're protecting yourself.
(03:19)They're seeing you attacking them. So it's a rejection. And we all know that narcissists cannot handle rejection. So they'll either push back on it, they'll guilt trip you, or one of the worst things, especially when you're dealing with co-parenting and children, they will punish you through the kids. So that's why setting the boundary isn't enough. You need a backup plan for the backlash because there inevitably will be backlash with a narcissist when you set a boundary. So some boundaries that actually work with narcissistic co-parents or parallel parents, we'll call 'em Number one, like I said, I love the no emotion rule. Use a no emotion, no explanation policy. So think of it like a business email energy. So I'm not available to swap weekends. Please refer to the agreement, not I can't this weekend I have a family event and I've been really overwhelmed. No, save all that noise.
(04:27)The unnecessary information that they can use to turn on you, they use it against you later. They'll twist it, whatever, no extra info, very to the point. They love when you overexplain. Keep it short, clear, no room for debate or conversation. Number two, communicate only through a parallel parenting app. So our family wizard is the one I have heard great things about, or talking parents. I don't know someone personally who uses that, but I've seen that also talked about. And they document everything and reduce that real time interaction. Why? Because narcissists specifically are less likely to manipulate when the receipts are permanent. They might still do it, but then it's documented and you have it against them, right? But they are a little less likely to, especially when they're not up in a rage to do that because they can be very calculated. So they're like, oh yeah, I don't want that outside of this circle with my ex.
(05:37)So it will help them and help you. So the bonuses, you won't be tempted to respond to their nonsense at midnight. You're on this app, it helps you too. So I just love technology in situations like this. Number three, set emotional boundaries with you yourself. Okay? This is the one no one really talks about. You are not just setting boundaries with them. You're setting them with yourself. Okay? So here's an example. I will not engage with my parallel parent after 6:00 PM whatever it is. Maybe that's not your time, maybe it's eight. Whatever suits your schedule and your peace of mind, let yourself have those nights where you can just relax and say, I'm not even going to acknowledge them. Number two, I will not read texts more than once. Don't get into that monkey mind where you read things over and over and try to analyze and figure out. Read it just once. And then to the third point, I will pause before responding so I don't go into trigger mode. And there's more on this in my boundaries course. But if you don't go into trigger mode, you help yourself keep that piece, you're helping yourself.
(07:06)They're going to keep coming at you. You can't control them. You can't control what you're doing. So you can control when you, you're accepting their texts, looking at them, you can control how many times you're looking at them. And you can control, even though it's a little hard saying, I'm going to go count to 30, right? Do something like that. And once you get to 30, your body has already calmed down a bit, and you can go into something else and then have a second point of, okay, now that I'm calm, I'm going to just leave that and I'm going to go do this. Maybe to take your mind off it. Put on some funny animal videos. Go throw some laundry in. Whatever you got to do to kind of get out of that triggered emotional response because you do not want to take their bait and respond while you were feeling that way.
(07:59)And we want to keep it short and simple, like I said. And when you're in trigger mode, you can't do that. So this though, a bonus of emotional boundaries with yourself is this builds that self-trust. We've talked about that. You have trouble trying to get back. You don't know if you can trust yourself anymore. This help builds that. Setting boundaries with yourself. You're making agreements with you and you're protecting yourself. And when you trust you, their chaos cannot pull you back in. When you get to that point where you start saying, okay, I've got me, I'm going to protect me. I know what I'm doing. They can't get you back in. I love that. So let's recap. Narcissists don't want peace. They want power. We know that regular co-parenting tips do not work on dynamics. They just don't. Number three, your boundaries need to be airtight.
(09:02)The biggest thing, emotion free, if you take anything from this podcast, emotion free and backed by emotional self-protection, right? So take the emotions out it, step away. Do not respond when you are triggered. Final thoughts here. You're not powerless, okay? You're not difficult or bitter for setting limits at all. They'll make you think you are, but you're not. I'm the queen. Be a boundaries. I know, okay, you're not. You're a mom. Reclaiming her peace in the middle of a damn storm. That is crazy. But do you know that's actually your superpower? That you are here saying, I'm going to show up for my kids. I'm going to show up for myself. I'm not doing this anymore. That's not bitter, that's not mean. That's smart as hell.
(10:02)So if you're ready to create boundaries that actually stick, even with the most manipulative X, you can download my free guide called Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. I love it. And that is packed with guilt-free scripts starter steps to help you say no with zero apology. And you can go from there. I do have a course too, but check out that free guide first, and I will put the link as always in the podcast description area, the notes area, whatever you want to call it, and make sure you're subscribed to the podcast so you get all my goodies. But I'm so excited. This is a brand new free guide. This Buy Guilt, hello Boundaries. It's going to help you out. It's brand new. So it's got all sorts of good stuff that I have learned through the years and polished up. So go grab that. That is your homework for this day. Go grab that. It's, I'll have the link like I said in the description, and I will see you in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursdays are my quicker episodes that are more like hands-on healing from the body visualizations, meditations. Sometimes we'll do like a script, so they're shorter, little bite sized episodes that you can save and go back to over and over again. So make sure to follow the podcast so you get the notifications, and I will see you on Thursday. Bye, queen.

Feeling Hooked by the Narcissist Again? Do This to Reclaim Your Power in 5 Minutes

👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
🔥 50% OFF Empowered Boundaries Course — through July 12th!  👉 Grab it here → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/?coupon=50OFFEMPOWERED
💬 Join my private FREE Facebook group for support + healing:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations, or coaching?  Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com
---
When a narcissist gets in your head, it can feel impossible to think straight — let alone feel safe in your body. But you don’t have to stay stuck in that spiral.
In this short but powerful Thrive in 5, I’ll walk you through a calming reset to help you:
Ground your nervous system
Detach from their drama
Reconnect with your truth and worth
Perfect for those moments when you feel triggered, confused, or tempted to re-engage. Pop in your earbuds, take a few deep breaths, and come back to your power. 👑
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday. Thrive in five. Your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello queens. It's thriving five time today. We're resetting your nervous system. Oh, I love a good reset. If you've been spiraling with thoughts, like why do they act like that? Did I overreact? Am I the crazy one first? No, you're not. Right? But let's take a breath. Let's calm our energy because we're going to reset. So take an inhale through your nose and exhale. Okay. When you feel ready, put your hand on your heart or your belly, whichever feels more grounding to you. And we're going to do a halo breath. That's a nice deep breath in through your nose. Inhale. Hold that for 3, 2, 1. Exhaling slowly like you're blowing out a candle. Let's do that one more time. Inhale. Hold. 3, 2, 1. Exhaling like you're blowing that candle. Alright, now say this with me. You can say it out loud or silently. I always like to say things out loud, but that's just me and some of you. Okay, so repeat after me. Their behavior is not a reflection of my worth.
(01:44)Good. Okay. Repeat after me again. I am not responsible for their dysfunction. Good. And now I choose peace over chaos. I detach to protect. Awesome. Now gently tap your chest with your first two fingertips. Either hand just a light rhythm. This actually helps calm your vagus nerve and signals safety to your body. This is something you can use if you've just gotten a text from your asshole co-parent or your actual parent, your mom or your dad, that might be toxic. Your boss gently tapping your chest with your fingertips, lightly letting your breath calm. And as you tap, you can repeat. I am safe.
(03:03)I am strong. I see truth. Now let's do that again. I am safe. I am strong. I see the truth. Now if emotion rises up, let it. Tears are not weakness. They're release. Okay? Tears are release. You have a lot of stuff stuck up in that bode. Alright? We're here to let it out. When you understand why the narcissist acts the way they do, you don't have to keep reliving it. You can recognize the patterns. We don't need to know every in and out. But when you recognize the patterns, it helps you don't owe them your confusion, okay? You owe you some clarity on it, right? But that doesn't mean they need your confusion. You just get clear with the patterns. Okay? You are safe. You are strong. You can see that truth now, okay? And if you haven't, well let's take a breath and kind of come back here.
(04:30)Take an inhale halo through the nose and release and carry that peaceful feeling through the day, right? And if you didn't listen to Tuesday's episode, it's a good one. It's might be one of the favorite ones I've done in a while. It's really talking about why they do what they do and the patterns. I think it'll be really helpful for you if you've not listened to that and paired with this. It's a good week of episodes. I'm like in this week. Okay, so you got this queen, you got it. Look at your crown. All shiny. Look at you looking all cute. Okay, you got it. We're here and we are here. Do you know about that Facebook private group? Go join it. Link is always in the show notes and so are ways to work with me. Alright, I will see you in the next episode.
(05:32)That's your Thrive in Five Queen. Now go sip your tea, adjust your crown, and protect your piece like it's got a restraining order against toxic energy because it should. I will see you Tuesday for next week's full episode, AKA, your weekly deep dive into healing and handling the unhealed with grace and maybe a little side eye. So don't forget to follow the podcast, you don't miss a moment and check the episode description for ways to work with me and grab your freebies because healing does not have to be lonely, and it definitely doesn't have to be boring. Until next time, sparkle up.

Why Do Narcissists Act Like That? Understanding Their Mind Games So You Can Finally Detach

  👉 Book your private session → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
🔥 50% OFF Empowered Boundaries Course — through July 12th!  👉 Grab it here → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/?coupon=50OFFEMPOWERED
💬 Join my private FREE Facebook group for support + healing:  https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💌 Questions about my somatic healing, affirmations, or coaching?  Email me anytime — I got you: FierceMamaC@gmail.com
---
🎧 **Episode: Why Do Narcissists Act Like That? Understanding Their Mind Games So You Can Finally Detach**
Ever felt blindsided by a narcissist’s hot-and-cold behavior? One minute they’re charming, the next they’re cruel — and you're left wondering what just happened. In this episode, we break down *why* narcissists behave the way they do, what really drives their mind games, and how understanding their psychology can help you finally stop taking it personally.
You’ll learn:- What narcissists truly fear (hint: it’s not what you think)  - Why they punish, manipulate, and gaslight — even when they “seem fine”  - The emotional patterns behind their toxic behavior  - How this knowledge helps you detach and reclaim your peace
Let’s decode the dysfunction and take your energy back.
---
👑 **Work with Me 1:1:**• Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaching → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/  • Somatic Sparkle Healing Sessions → https://christyjade.com/somatichealing
🧘 **Freebies & Resources:**• 4-Minute Mood Boost Meditation → https://christyjade.ck.page/insider  • #NotMyShit Journal on Amazon → https://amzn.to/46dDSYk
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ever found yourself asking Why are they like this? The lies, the cold shoulder, the gaslighting. It can feel like a dang roller coaster. You never asked to ride. But what if I told you there is a method to the madness? Today we're digging into the psychology of the narcissist so you can stop blaming yourself and start breaking free. Stay tuned. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted.
(01:01)Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, Queens. If you are here, you probably had your piece hijacked by a narcissist or maybe a few. If you're lucky. One like me, so many of us, you probably spent way too much time trying to figure them out. What makes them tick? Why do they hurt people? Do they know they're doing it? So today I'm handing you the emotional decoder ring. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a real one? Yeah. So we're going to go inside the narcissist mind, not to fix them, but to free you.
(01:57)I'm going to repeat that again. Not to fix them, but to free you. We do not have control over them. So when you understand what drives their behavior, it stops feeling as personal and it stops being as confusing, and that's where you get your power back. Okay, so let's start here. Narcissists are not just confident jerks. They've got this branding on them. Oh, they're just these arrogant jerks, right? I think at this point, hopefully it's more than that, but maybe you don't. So let's talk about underneath that. What is it right underneath that arrogance? It is deep, deep, deep insecurity. That's the irony of it. They're so insecure. They have a mask they wear of arrogance that even they technically can buy into their own mask. So they have a very fragile sense of self and a desperate, desperate need for control. What do I always say?
(02:57)They're always trying to either get control if they don't have it or see if they do have control or get that control back. If they don't have it and they need the admiration, you need to beef them up or else. And power, essentially, control and power go hand in hand. So most narcissists have this internal belief. They're either superior or worthless. There's no middle ground, but most of them, I would say in my experience from my knowledge, is that they really are building a false sense to cover the shame of who they think they are. And they demand constant validation to keep that false self alive. Imagine if you're holding this mask up to your face, you're holding it, and if you don't get fed the beliefs that you're amazing and you're this and that, and you're so great and you don't push someone else down to gain the power, you drop the mask.
(03:57)So you have to be constantly fed. So this is what we call the narcissistic supply. Maybe you've heard that. Get comfy with that name. That is very common. Narcissistic supply. They need the supply. They need to be fed. So here are six truths about how they think and operate. Number one, we know this control, control, control. It equals safety to them. They do not feel safe unless they're in control of people. The narrative, the stories, and the emotions. So if you're unpredictable or you set a boundary, woo, that threatens their power because then they're not in control. If someone's giving them rules, them boundaries, Uhuh, they do not like that. So what do they do? I call 'em the punisher. Remember that song? Punisher? What you looking for? Okay, the punishers. So they will punish or manipulate you to regain the control. They often do both.
(05:07)So you've probably been a victim of both the punishment and the manipulation. Okay, so number two, empathy is seen as weakness. So they're not wired to truly feel others'. Pain, and usually we know this. That's another pretty glaring sign of narcissists that they're not empathetic. Some of them will mimic empathy and that can get confusing, but it's kind of more of a performative thing. If you get familiar with it, you can usually tell the difference after a while and it serves a purpose. It's not just like, oh, man, I feel so bad for that person or that animal, or, oh, how we might feel. They have empathy to serve a purpose, to win, trust, to make you think they're like that. So you will trust and relate to them to disarm you or whoever they're dealing with, or to keep you around because they know you prefer people who have empathy like most of the world.
(06:11)Okay, number three, they fear abandonment more than anything. Anything I can think of. This one particular narcissist in my life, oh my goodness, the fear of abandonment is real in all aspects of their life, and they are someone also who can never be alone. So often they will maybe cheat if they're having trouble with someone they're with. Why do they cheat? Because they feel like they maybe don't want to be in this situation anymore, but they sure as hell don't want to be alone. So what do they do? They cheat and find someone else to replace that person so they won't be left alone. They don't want to be alone. Even though their behavior pushes people away, their biggest fear is being left. So they're going to do it before the other person does it. So they test you. Have you been tested? Do you know what that means?
(07:06)I can think of experiences. Oh, where people have pushed me away. It is very obvious. Once I knew narcissism, I actually have had a friend in the past. After I really know what narcissism was, I realized this one friend of mine was probably a narcissist, and then I realized, yes, this is a huge thing, is the testing. They will test you to see how hard you'll fight for them. Basically what you'll put up with to prove that you're not going to leave them and abandon them. What did I say? I said F that I will abandon you. Bye-bye. Okay. They also breadcrumb, right? So they'll give you little crumbs of, oh, you're so special. You're the best love bombing. In a way, the obvious love bombs too, but the breadcrumbs are the more subtle things that keep you around thinking, oh, see, they're pretty good, and oh, they do think I'm special.
(08:01)There is a connection between us, but they do it all to see if you will chase them and it's sick, and I hate that part about them. I hate most parts about them. Alright, number four, shame drives everything. Most narcissists are drowning in unhealed shame, but instead of facing it, they deflect it onto who? Not themselves. They're not known for accountability. Are they new? So they will deflect it onto others. That could be the person they're romantically involved with. That could be the waiter or waitress that's working at their table. That's why you end up apologizing for their behavior. They will flip the script. They will lie, they'll blame. They'll project. They will twist. What say to the point you're like, wait, is this my hold on? Is this my fault? Did that happen? They make you so mind screwed that you don't even know top from bottom when you're done with them.
(09:09)Number five, they see people as extensions. This is really important. This is something that I learned as I got education and really looked from the outside in on the other side of things. Really got more of a idea that wasn't as obvious, I guess, as the things like, oh, they want control that you learn pretty quickly, but they see people as extensions, so you're not seen as a separate autonomous person. So this can be very common if you have a narcissistic parent, you are an extension of them. But this also can happen in romantic situations or best friendships, those really codependent best friendships. So you are either useful to their ego or you are a threat to it. So when you stop doing what they want, when they want, how they want on their terms, when you stop walking on eggshells, damn sick of it, which is what I did with a specific friend, guess what?
(10:11)They start to devalue you and they try to also, what this particular person did, and I don't know if I really have this in this set of things, but another thing they will do is make sure that you know how important they are to you and that you need them. That's something that happened, right? So when they feel you start to pull away, they're also probably going to try to remind you how you need them and almost are undeserving of them, especially in romantic situations. You hear a lot of, oh, you'll never find someone like me. Actually, my ex-boyfriend went and on our last breakup, yes, of course you know the drill. If you're with a narcissist, you're going to have a few breakups. On our last breakup, he said to me, you will never find someone like me. And I said, thank God. Boom.
(11:08)Drop the mic. There's a line for you. Alright? But anyway, getting back to seeing people as extensions, right? So that's romantic situation, friendship, anything, and you stop doing what they want, you stop or you start calling them out or saying, why are you doing this? Instead of just being submissive about things that you've been conditioned to do, they hate it, right? No, no. They start to devalue you and really start to again, flip the script, gaslight, all of that. Number six, they don't want healing. I'll say it again. They do not want healing. They want power. This is for a lot of people, the hardest truth to accept, but most narcissists, and I don't have an exact percentage, you guys, but it's very, very low, very low.
(12:01)I love to have faith in people. Believe me, I'm a healing wisher, narcissists. I will pray all day. I still pray for a narcissist that was in my life every single night that they find peace. But most of them will never, ever change because they don't want to heal. That's not what they're here for. We're here to grow, right? I love growing every day. I love watching my life grow and flourish and take accountability and say, oh, you know what? I used to do this and now I don't. That's beautiful because I'm not here to win. They want to win. Their insecurities are so severe, they have to win to feel safe. Remember going back to that earlier, I forget what number was that?
(12:54)Basically they're not feeling safe unless they're in control. Number one, it was number one, right? The control aspect, they just don't feel safe unless they're in control and they're winning, they need to win. So why does all this matter? Because when you finally understand it is not about you, and that can hurt in a way too. I get it right? You think you're special and you have this connection. I get that part is really hard, and we will get to healing that. But when you flip that in a positive way, it's not you. It's not not the crazy one. You're not X, y, Z. This is all them. But when you do that, the fog starts to lift. You stop twisting yourself in knots, trying to be good enough for the narc. You stop explaining yourself to someone who's committed to misunderstanding you. It's not even that they misunderstand you, right?
(13:56)They put on a facade of misunderstanding you. They play dumb. They play confused or twist things. They know exactly what they're doing though. But when you're in it, you think they're misunderstanding you and you're explaining yourself, no, but that's not what I meant and did it. No, we're done explaining ourselves to anyone. Stop hoping for closure from someone who can't even be honest with themselves. These people really have a severe deficiency. See, they're not even real with themselves. They're not going to be real with you. They're always going to lie. They're always going to switch, flip the switch, whatever. They're always going to love bomb. They're always going to abuse that very, very minute amount of narcissists that get help. It's such a small amount. I don't even want to mention it, but I like to have a little tiny bit of hope. But in general, I'm telling you statistically, guys, if you're having hope, it's a way better bet to bet on yourself being okay getting out of the situation you're in, if you're still in it or healing from it and being able to say, I know I'm better off.
(15:19)That's what you should be betting on. The statistics are way higher for people surviving after narcissistic abuse and healing than staying with one and the narcissist actually changing. First of all, if that even happened, it would take probably decades and your damage would be so much worse. So my advice is always get the fuck out. So I want you today to take away this. You didn't cause their behavior. You can't change their wiring and you don't need to understand every move. That's the thing. We've got to get out of our heads here. You're not going to think your way out of narcissistic abuse.
(16:09)That's why we do somatic healing. Check my notes. Sign up for a session with me. You change from the body. The body remembers. You feel it in your body, don't you? Yeah. That's where we need to really heal, and we can do coaching all day long too. I love to, but the body is where it's at. So you just don't need to understand everything and figure everything out. You're not going to, you can understand from a zoomed out lens who a narcissist is, even stuff like this today, right? Understanding them a little more and a little insight goes a long way to help you detach, helping protect that piece. That's what this is about. You're not here to change them. You're not here to make them understand. You're not even here to say, I'm going to call you out and show you. I know what you're fucking doing. That can be how it feels when you start to heal. You want to do that and want to be like, oh, now I know, and no, this is about peace. How can you have peace? How can you control your end of things? How can you stop internalizing their dysfunction?
(17:20)How do you stop internalizing their dysfunction? It's all this stuff. Listening to me and other people talk about it, learning about it, getting coaching with me, getting somatic healing with me. Somatic healing is fire. I love talking about it. It's magic. But this episode isn't about that. We can go there, but I want to finish this up. Getting a little lengthy. I try to keep this under 20 minutes. So look, this is about liberation, not a diagnosis, right? It's about the truth, your truth, the real truth, not their truth. Their truth is a fake truth. They're fake. They have a facade. So if you want to go deeper, of course, look at my show notes to see if you would like to do coaching. If you do somatic healing, we can do a combination. If you have questions about working with me or I have an Empowered Boundaries course, I actually still have not taken the coupon code off that.
(18:27)So it's your lucky. It's your lucky day. Maybe I'll keep this through the week. One more week. I know people are vacationing. Keep it one more week. It's 50% off. That's insane. I don't do that. I don't do that for this course. I don't think I've ever done 50% off till this month. If you need help setting boundaries, it's an amazing course for a good price right now. So always look at my show notes to see how to work with me, and you can also email me. My email is in there. It's fierce Mama C at Gmail, okay? So I would love to help you reset your nervous system, set boundaries and actually feel powerful. They take it, they take our power. I get it, and I'd love to help you feel in whatever way that is. You let me know, email me. We can do a customized program.
(19:18)I do it some of my clients where we do coaching and somatic. Or if you just want to do the body work, you just want to do the coaching, whatever feels good to you, also, please click the little follow button. If you're not following my podcast, follow it actually helps you, but it helps me too. Let's help each other. It helps me reach more women that need this help. And this is like there's a lot of us out there. So if I can help more and more people, that would be amazing. So if you can help me get there by taking 20 seconds to scroll around and find that little follow button, the algorithm actually does make that. So the more people that do that, the more followers I have, the more they spit me out to show other women who are also searching for narcissistic abuse help to get my podcast.
(20:13)So I love helping. So I'm going to definitely have you guys help me and it'll help you because you'll get notification of all my podcasts. Yay. Alright? So don't forget, Thursdays are Thrive in Five. I usually have them related to our Tuesday episodes. So it's like maybe a somatic exercise or experience, five minutes or under, and to just get a little body work in on your own. So until then, protect that energy. Put a big, shiny, golden love bubble around you. Protect yourself. Love your future self and your past self, right? Give her grace. None of this is your fault. None of this is your fault. I've seen so many people say, oh, why would they stay in that situation? They don't get it. They don't have to get it F them, okay? You know why you stayed? It was scarier to leave probably for many reasons. I get it. I get you. Okay. You're not broken, you're just waking up. Alright, Queens, love you. See you in the next episode.