NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

How to Handle the Selfish Label - 3 Fast Fixes (and Glitter Gate?)

Ever been called selfish for protecting your peace? In this quick episode, I’ll share 3 powerful tools to reset your mind, body, and spirit—so you can release the guilt and step into your healing with confidence.
Links & Resources:
💖 Grab your Copy.Paste.Peace Scripts (normally $37, podcast listeners get them for just $17 with code PEACE):https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copypeacepastescripts/
👑 Join my Private Facebook Sisterhood:https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
🌟 Ready for deep, 1:1 support? Check out my Reclaiming You Coaching Sessions:https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
---------- TRANSCRIPTS
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Hello, gorgeous queen. Has anyone told you how amazing you look today? I hope they did, but if they did not, I'm here to tell you, you look super fly. Like the super fly is to fly. Super, super fly. Alright, so welcome back to Thrive in five. It is Thursday. So it is that lovely thrive in five day on Tuesday. If you listen to that episode, we dug deep into the word people love to throw around selfish. So today I'm going to give you a quick reset to carry with you anytime. Whenever that guilt spiral tries to creep on in. So look, if someone calls you selfish for walking away from a toxic situation, what they're really saying is you're no longer abandoning yourself for my benefit.
(01:12)Or if they're talking about someone you mutually, mutually, like the person you left and you're both friends with them or family, they could also be sticking up for them and saying that you're no longer abandoning yourself for this person's benefit. So that is not selfish, that is self-honoring. I'm going to repeat that again. I'm going to make a post about this line right here. It's not selfish, it is self-honoring. Alright? So every time you choose your piece, repeat this to yourself, okay? And put your chin up, shine your crown and say, I'm not being selfish, I am being healthy. We talked about this in Tuesday's episode as well, but we need to repeat it. Alright? So when the guilt hits, let's say it's still coming in, your nervous system feels it. You get that kind of anxious feeling, you're tight chested your shoulders may be a little tense. Try this quick somatic reset. All right? You can put your hand on your heart, inhale through the nose for two counts, and then exhale for four. And you do that a few times and then whisper, I'm safe, I'm healing, I'm free. And that longer exhale tells your body we okay? Now.
(02:48)So remember, your boundaries aren't about controlling them. You're not being selfish. It's not about them and what you're taking from them or doing for yourself instead of them, it's just about protecting you, which is different from very self-serving actions like the greedy selfishness. That's not what you're doing here. You're literally protecting yourself. That loud pushback you get when you stop abandoning yourself. That's noise. That's the BS we talked about Tuesday. Let it bounce off your golden sparkly wall of protection. Okay? So I want you guys to, seriously, when you think about your boundaries, I want you to picture them as a beautiful golden glitter wall around you. How can you feel guilty about that? That's just glorious. Okay? So you are protecting your queen age with every right to do so. Okay? So this week, anytime someone throws that selfish label your way, or maybe you're just replaying what they have said in the past, we're known to do that, aren't we?
(04:03)Right? Just smile. If they say it to you silently, thank them in your mind, okay? Yeah, you're right. I'm putting up this glitter, glittery, glitter. That's not a word. Glittery gold wall around me. And it's proof that you're not playing small anymore, that you're not going to be held under the thumb of a narcissist controlled by a narcissist walking on their eggshells. No, no, you are not selfish. You are brave enough to stop being their puppet, okay? You're not a puppet, you're a queen. Do I have to reiterate that with the gold wall? The gold crown, all the gold. Okay? So hopefully this helps. If not, there's plenty more somatic tools you can go through on my podcast every Thursday. Just go to any of the Thursday Thrive in five episodes and I will have more coming to you. We're going to get into some different stuff.
(05:15)So make sure, actually, speaking of which, you have lots of fun stuff coming through soon. So go make sure you're following my podcast, okay? You do that by scrolling to my main page, whether it's on Apple, Podbean, wherever, and look for the little area. I don't know where it is on each platform, but it should be fairly obvious. And say follow. Click it so you don't miss an episode. And also all my fun things, right? Check out the description, the show notes. We have the ways to work with me, which is like if you really, you want to talk about recalibrating your whole nervous system and your soul, and your eyes and your elbows, everything's going to be different after I get done with you. No, but if you want a true transformation, one-on-one is the way to go. I have a boundaries course that is also amazing.
(06:15)If you can't do one-on-one, you have some excuse about money or time, you got an option of a Boundaries Empowered Boundaries course that's there. You can join a free Facebook page, which is great. Why not do that? That's free. And there's a couple little fun things. I've got some scripts for you that I just created, and you guys get them for a special price. So go check that out. Just go to the show notes, have a little tea party in my show notes. Okay? Pink is up, crowns up, let's hang out. You have me, I have you. We've got a community group on Facebook, right? Alright, so your boundaries are not about them. They're about protecting yourself with your glorious glitter gates, glitter gates. That'd be cute. Maybe we shouldn't do some merch. What do you think? I'll put glitter. You got to help me.
(07:14)We got to brainstorm on this. Okay? Come to my Facebook route. Let's brainstorm some glitter, merch, glitter gates, right? And don't take the bait. There's so many fun things we could do. All right? So anytime someone throws that at you this week, like I said, smile. Thank them. You're not selfish. Let it go. Let it bounce off your golden gates. It's a new form of the golden gates right now. Anytime I think of the Golden Gate Bridge, I'm going to think of our glittery ass gates around us. All right? Keep protecting your peace. I'm giving you full permission, not even have these full ass permission. Okay, I will see you in the next episode. Love you. Bye.

You’re Not Selfish: The Truth About Healing After Toxic Love

Have you ever been called selfish for leaving a toxic relationship… or for finally saying NO? You’re not alone — and you’re not selfish. In this empowering episode, Christy Jade unpacks why women are labeled selfish after walking away from toxic love, and how to reframe those accusations as proof you’re actually healing.
You’ll learn:✅ Why abusers (and even family) weaponize the word “selfish”✅ The truth about protecting your peace after toxic love✅ A simple script + somatic reset to stop the guilt spiral
✨ Special Listener Offer: Need the exact words to shut down drama and protect your peace? My brand-new Copy.Paste.Peace Scripts give you ready-to-use responses for co-parents, toxic exes, family, or anyone trying to guilt-trip you. No more freezing up or second-guessing — just calm, confident replies that stop the chaos before it starts.
They’re normally $37, but as a podcast listener, you can grab them today for just $17 with code PEACE → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-fast-37/?coupon=PEACE
💖 Join the Community: Connect with other women healing from narcissistic abuse inside my free private Facebook group → https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
👑 Work With Me 1:1: Ready to go deeper? Book a Reclaiming You coaching session and get personalized support to heal, rise, and rebuild → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, gorgeous queen. You are looking beautiful today by the way. Just a side note. Alright, so we're going to talk about being selfish today. Okay? Have you ever been called selfish for walking away from your toxic situation? Whether it was a romantic situation, walking away from a family member or a lifelong friend, just someone at church, whatever it is, we're going to set the record straight. You are not selfish, okay? Protecting your peace after toxic anything is one of the most courageous and healing things you can do for yourself. So we'll dive in. Stay tuned.
(00:41)Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christy wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:39)One of the most common things I hear from women who have actually left the toxic relationship is they said, I'm selfish or I'm cold, right? So this could be your ex, maybe it's your own mom, maybe it's someone from your church community, someone in your workspace if you quit a job and it stings because deep down you've already given so much. But here's the truth, women who finally stand up and say, I cannot do this anymore, almost always get slapped with the label of selfish, cold, or even narcissistic themselves. Why? Well, because abusers and controlling people need to keep you in their system. And one of the easiest ways to guilt you back in is to make you question your goodness. So if you're a caring, empathetic woman, which you are, they know that calling you selfish will hit you right in the heart. They know that is your soft spot because that's actually your comfort, your pride in yourself is that you're not selfish.
(02:53)You are an empath. You are giving and caring, and you do put people often before yourself. You're finally putting yourself first because you absolutely rock bottom, have to. And now they're going to twist it to call you selfish or a narcissist, right? Sometimes it's not even the abuser, usually it is, but it can also be outsiders. It can be mutual friends with the abuser. It can be family like other family members. If it's a family member, friends, people in religious circles who have been taught women should sacrifice endlessly no matter what. They don't get it. Or they've also bought into the idea that if you're not pouring yourself out 24 7, you're failing. And that's just a no. We're in 2025. People welcome. Okay? So let me tell you, being called selfish in those moments, it's not a sign you're doing something wrong. It's a sign you're finally doing something, right?
(03:56)So you know what? From now on when someone says selfish, just say thank you in your head. Thanks. Because you know why they're saying it. It's for their own selfish reasons. It's not actually about you, okay? It's often just the word people use. When we're going to repeat this, I feel like I want to say 40 times when you stop abandoning yourself, that is when they use this word, they're used to you bending over backwards for them or for the other person that they're protecting. And when you stop because you were actually abandoning yourself to do so, these little sirens go off that you're selfish. So protecting your peace is not selfish. It is what you need to do to survive it's sanity. So boundaries are not cruelty. Healing isn't betrayal. It's nothing to do with them. This is everything to do with you, right?
(04:57)Your boundaries are not to control them, it's to control your peace and your livelihood, your sanity, your health. And you also notice when you stop playing small, the people who benefit from you staying small will get louder. They're going to push back, they're going to call names, but that noise, it's just noise. First of all, we're going to start calling all that stuff noise. It's proof you are finally getting free. Or maybe you are free now completely from this narcissist, from this toxic person. So what do you do when the guilt spiral hits? Well, I always have tools in my little toolbox. I first a little sample script you can keep in your back pocket. I'm not being selfish. I'm being healthy. This is a really good one that I used for a long time. I'm being healthy. I'm being healthy. Let's not get 'em twisted up and confused. Selfish is not the same as being healthy. You can say it out loud, write it down, put it on your phone.
(06:06)You can also do a somatic reset. You can do a little hand on heart. Take that slow inhale through your nose and exhale little longer than you breathe in. So you could do two seconds in and four seconds out and then repeat. I'm not being selfish, I'm being healthy. And third, you could do a little mindset mantra. Their labels don't define my healing. Their labels don't define my healing. We're going to start really just separating all of this. What you're doing can have nothing to do with them. You're protecting your piece. You're not controlling them. They can do whatever they want. They can say whatever they want. They can label whatever you want. They can tell other people whatever they want. You'll start in this journey with me, letting those things go, keeping your wall up around you, your protective, golden, shiny, sparkly wall that does not let that stuff penetrate.
(07:13)You're a queen and you're healing, and you need to focus on you and not what other people are saying or thinking why you're getting away from in the first place, because their mind isn't right. So you think all of a sudden they're going to say something that's true. Now you're getting out or you've gotten out because of their bullshit. So this is just more bullshit. Doesn't that make sense? They had all this bullshit. You're finally out and now you're going to believe they're bullshit when they say you're selfish or no, ma'am, nope. It's still bullshit. So you're not selfish. You're actually brave walking away from a situation like that. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do. And hopefully, I know a lot of you are already on that other side. A lot of you are co-parenting, but you've gotten out of the actual relationship. Or maybe you're trying and you're listening to this to encourage you, girl, it's bullshit. Jump over. Get on this side of the golden sparkly fence. Get out of that toxic shit if you're still in it, okay, come join us. You get really sparkly and glowy over on this side, okay? You get freedom. You get peace. You rewrite your story. The story they have given you that they have brainwashed you into thinking about yourself. It is bullshit.
(08:39)You're doing this for yourself. You're doing this for your kids, for your future, for your kids' future. You stepping out of this situation, or if you're on the outside now and questioning or feeling guilty, no, you should feel guilty, not guilty. I don't want to put pressure on you. You're still in it and trying to get out, but you're going to have more guilt. I'm not saying you should. I'm not judging. You will have guilt if you stay in a toxic world where it's not just crushing you, but it's crushing your children. And yes, I know a lot of people think, oh, broken families crush the look. I'm a product of a broken home. I might, okay, they'll be okay. They'll be better off being away from a toxic parent as much as they can. I know they may get custody rights maybe half the time even, and sometimes we can't do anything about that.
(09:37)But half the time away is amazing. And you being able to heal and be a better role model because you actually are out of the situation. When you're in the situation, you can't heal, okay? You cannot stay in a toxic relationship and move on and heal and be of a healthy mind. So you need to get out. You need to heal. So then at least half the time, hopefully more, you're bettering yourself and your child is seeing it, and you are role modeling a he mindset, a healthier relationship with self, a healthier relationship with others. You're showing them what they should accept and not accept in their lives. Sorry, I got on a little side. Preach. Got a little passionate there, but do it for you. Do it for your kids and your future. The whole world could call you selfish, okay? But you're not. What are you? You're getting freaking healthy and you're not self-sacrificing and sabotaging your entire damn soul, okay? You deserve better. Stop worrying what other people are saying, especially the bullshit or narcissist, come on, we know their brain's not right? Right?
(10:56)Healing requires courage. You're here, you're doing the work, you're listening to this. And if you freeze up in those moments when someone calls you selfish, I got you. I have actually, I have, oh, I didn't even mention it. I have a new scripts you can purchase that will give you words to say to co-parents, toxic exes, family, whoever's trying to guilt trip you. So we can help with that part. And they're normally $37. But if you're listening to today, my little podcast crew, you can grab them for just $17 with the code piece. So I'll put the code, I think it should already automate that piece code in there, but if not, P-E-A-C-E. But I think it should automatically apply the discount for you. And so that's only 17, so it's $20 discount. I love my podcast people and I want you guys, I make it affordable enough so you can have this help in your back pocket.
(11:58)Look at these examples, and if you have a question or whatever, reach out. Email me. My email's always in the show notes. I don't bite. Just say, Hey, is there another way I could say this? If one thing doesn't sound exactly how you might say it and you're just trying to brainstorm, how else could you maybe say it? I will help you with that. Please email me. I love helping, but it's just a good general guide to deal with, specifically dealing with narcissists or toxic people or controlling people or So first, don't let the toxic people steal your sparkle. Okay? Because glittery and beautiful, grab that copy paste piece. It's called the scripts, okay? 17 bucks. And come join the sisterhood. I have a private Facebook page and that's awesome. So that's free and it's private so no one can see you're in it besides you and the people in it.
(12:53)And if you want that deep personalized transformation, right? Like you are ready, clients in my three month one-on-ones are amazing, getting epic results. They show up, right? You got to show up every week we have our one-on-one zoom calls. You get these transformational mindset and somatic tools, and we're customizing everything. Your life is going to change for the better hands down. So if you want that level, then go click on the three month link there. It's called reclaiming you because you're going to reclaim you whether you like it or not. And I will walk that journey with you hand in hand, right? So all the links are below and until Thursday, which will be more of a deeper somatic tool. Supporting this episode. Keep protecting your peace. Stand in that power and thrive like the queen you are. Alright, I will see you in the next episode.

A 5-Minute Practice to Quiet Self-Doubt After Narcissistic Abuse

When self-doubt creeps in—“Did I overreact? Am I being too much?”—it’s easy to spiral. In this mini-episode, I’ll guide you through a simple 5-minute somatic practice to calm your body, quiet the guilt loop, and anchor back into your truth.
👑 Resources & Links Mentioned in this Episode
✨ Freebie: Grab your Boundaries Pocket Guide →https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250
💖 Community: Join my private Facebook group Inner Sparkle: Healing for Women →https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💻 Coaching: Work with me 1:1 to reclaim your peace & power:
Reclaiming You Session (90-min) →https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Monthly Coaching →https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
3-Month Coaching with Voxer →https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
✨ Don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with another Queen who needs this reminder today.
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen, this one's for you. Hey Queen, welcome to your Thrive in five, your quick reset to calm the chaos and reclaim your sparkle. Yes, it looks so good on you. Alright, if you caught Tuesday's episode, which was called Still Doubting Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse, here's how to break the cycle. Then we talked about why the narcissist trains you to question yourself and how to rebuild that self-trust. Well, today I've got a somatic practice you can use anytime that doubt creeps in, think of it as a five minute body reset to quiet that guilt loop and anchor back into your truth. Alright, so step one, name the doubt. Start by simply naming the thought or question running in your head.
(01:07)Maybe it's, did I overreact or am I being too much? Say it out loud or whisper it if you must or scream it on the top of a hill. Naming it gives it less power. It stops being this swirl that's on loop in your head and becomes something you can actually observe. And we do a lot of this in somatic healing. If you've done sessions with me, we can beat the observer of things, which helps heal them. It puts a light on them, helps heal them, helps us move in a different direction, have a different perspective. So even just naming it is a step in the right direction. So number two, you can do a body. You can place one hand on your chest or stomach and take a slow grounding breath in through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. This is a halo breath. And ask yourself, what is my body feeling right now? Is it tightness? Is it fear? Is it calm? What's going on in there? This pulls you into the present moment instead of letting your mind spin in the past, right? So it's that present moment, body check-in. Step three, the truth anchor. Okay, so here's where we shift the energy. Repeat after me or you can make it your own. If I set this boundary, it's because I needed peace.
(02:43)Peace is not wrong, right? Let's say that last part again. Peace is not wrong, it's right, okay? And you keep breathing slowly as you repeat it. Letting nervous system soak in its truth. You can swap in your own phrase like protecting myself is love, or my feelings are valid. That's a huge one that we really need to reiterate to ourselves after going through abuse. Alright, then step four, a visual reset. So look around the room and find one comforting thing to rest your eyes on. It could be a candle, a favorite mug, a photo that makes you smile. I have a palm tree in my bedroom and that is my favorite place to focus when I'm trying to do a visual reset. I love palm trees, I love the beach. It just brings me to that happy space. So find whatever happy, comforting object you can and let your gaze stay in there.
(03:54)Stay there until your body softens. So just keep staring. Might feel weird at first, but just let your gaze stare and eventually your body will soften, you will relax more. Your nervous system is focusing on this comforting thing, this comforting feeling. And it's starting to say, I'm safe. I'm safe in this moment. I'm safe with my palm tree. So look, the narcissist may have trained you to doubt yourself. Yeah, they did. But every time you pause, you breathe, you anchor in your truth, not their narrative. You're retraining your body to trust you again. So you can practice this anytime that your self-doubt sneaks in and save this episode. These little thrive in fives are great to just play. Any time you're having spinning out in your head or your body feels tense, any mind, body, spirit, deflation is a great time to just come back to one of your saved episodes.
(05:14)That's why I try to make them nice and quick, but effective. So if you Miss Tuesday's full episode, definitely you want to go back and listen to that because pairing these insights with the somatic support is how you really break the cycle. I talk about the mindset and the somatic side. So we do a lot of the mindset and discussing the why's and how's and more logistical stuff on those Tuesday episodes. And then Thursday it's all about the body because the body remembers. So we want to rewire, reset and just chill the hell out and sparkle. Alright, so you guys, you're not broken. You're not damaged. You're that solid gold block that just got a bunch of shit poured all over you, a bunch of dirt and mud, and we're clearing it off. We're clearing it off, right? We're resetting that nervous system, which is doable.
(06:17)And if you want to go on deep transformation, imagine where you'll be in a year from now if you actually do the deeper work. And that doesn't mean it has to be really heavy. I mean, if you work with me, I make it fun. So maybe it depends who you work with. But this one-on-one somatic work, I mean the mindset work's great. The somatic work is mind blowing. It is amazing. And it's changed my life. It's changed my client's life. And if you want your life to uplevel in a way you couldn't imagine where you actually can find peace, if you feel like, I can't even imagine what that feels like, believe it baby, because I was where you are and now I'm here and it feels so much better and calmer and that peace and I feel like I'm more in control of everything, my life, my reactions.
(07:17)It's like instead of reacting to life, you are in control of it. Your mind's not spinning and thinking about what this person says or how to do this or did I do that? Questioning yourself. You get this confidence that you've never had and I really want that for you. So if you want to do a deeper transformation, go click the link under on my show notes where it says how to work with me, that one-on-one work there. I also do have a boundaries course I will post, and I have a free boundaries guide if you have not grabbed that. So all the stuff, all the things are in my show notes, so go check it out and I just, you deserve peace, so I want you to have it. And if that's working with me, great, let's do the dang thing. And if it's with someone else, that's great too.
(08:05)But imagine a year from now if you don't do any of the transformative work, right? These episodes obviously are great and they help, that's why I do them. But if you want that life changing, mind blowing shift, you got to put in the work. And it might seem overwhelming, but I'm going to promise you what's more overwhelming is what you're doing right now, spinning out in your head, stressing out. Your body is reacting. I'm sure whether you got knots in your stomach, stressed out, neck jaw, maybe you are having insomnia, maybe you're overeating, undereating, all the things, right? So we want you to be happy and balanced. Wouldn't that feel fun? Yes. Okay, go check out my show notes and I hope to work with you soon.

Still Doubting Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse? Here’s How to Break the Cycle

🎙️ Still Doubting Yourself After Narcissistic Abuse? Here’s How to Break the Cycle
Are you stuck second-guessing yourself, even after leaving the narcissist? In this episode, I’ll show you how to break the guilt loop and start trusting yourself again.
👑 Resources & Links Mentioned in this Episode
✨ Freebie: Grab your Boundaries Pocket Guide here →https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250
💖 Join My Free Private Facebook Community: Inner Sparkle: Healing for Women →https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💻 1:1 Coaching: Ready to go deeper? Work with me privately:
Reclaiming You Session (90-min deep dive) →https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Monthly Transformational Coaching →https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
3-Month Transformational Coaching with Voxer access →https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
Because Queen, your peace is priceless—and you don’t have to heal alone.
✨ If this episode spoke to you, don’t forget to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with another Queen who needs this reminder today.
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ever catch yourself replaying arguments in your head, wondering if you overreacted or feeling guilty for protecting your peace. That's not because you're broken. It's because narcissistic abuse trains you to doubt yourself. So today I'm going to help you break that cycle, rebuild that self-trust and step into the peace you deserve. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun.
(01:07)So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Alright, queen, let's get real. One of the biggest wounds after narcissistic abuse is the constant questioning of yourself. You say no to someone and then you lie awake at night thinking, was that too harsh? Should I have said yes? You might block their number and then feel a rush of guilt. Just this overwhelmingly off feeling in your body. You're not alone. Here's why. Narcissists actually condition you to doubt yourself through their gaslighting. If you don't know what gaslighting is, it's when they make you question your own memory, your own feelings, or even your sanity. So this is a real thing, and over time you start second guessing everything, even after you've left them.
(02:19)The echo of that doubt, it still lingers, but let me remind you that echo, it's not true. This is not your truth. It's programming that we can undo and we can rewrite. So let's talk about the guilt aspect. A lot of you in my community and my Facebook group, whatever, if you're not in that, by the way, go to the show notes and totally click the link and join us. Said guilt is what holds you back. You're finally setting a boundary or you go no contact and that wave of guilt hits. Here's the truth though, guilt doesn't always mean you're wrong. I'm going to say that again. Guilt does not always mean you're wrong. Sometimes it's just an old alarm system going off because you did something new and different than the old you would've done to stay safe, right? This new you is feeling weird doing something different even though it's the right thing to do and it's okay to do and you shouldn't feel guilty.
(03:31)That old self did it to feel safe. So you are comfortable in that feeling, right? In the saying yes, in the people pleasing and the walking on eggshells, and now you're like, I got to stop doing this. So we're not doing it. And your body's just taking a little time to catch up. Okay? So think about it. If you were raised or conditioned to believe your worth was in pleasing others or this specific person, then standing up for yourself will feel unnatural at first, right? That makes sense. But that guilt is a sign that you are breaking these maybe even generational patterns. That's some bad ass shit, queen. Okay? You are rewriting your story. That guilt shows you are changing for the better. So the next time guilt shows up, instead of asking, am I a bad person? Try asking yourself this. Am I protecting my peace? Am I acting in alignment with my healing? And that's okay to do. Absolutely. It's not wrong. It's actually right. It's the right thing to do is to have peace and love and be peace and love and heal these wounds we have, right? Flip that script.
(05:00)So here's where we start breaking the cycle for good, rebuilding yourself. Trust this. A lot of you have this issue I did too, right? Rebuilding after you've gone through abuse and been betrayed. Okay? So there's three key steps you can do. There may be more, but these are some good starters. Okay? Number one, a daily check-in. So one of the tools I swear by, and you may have heard it already, I talk about it a lot, I love it. It's simple, but really, really successful is a hell yes, hell no list. So you can write down what feels good in your body and life and what drains you. Writing it down is huge. Don't just think about it, write it down. When you make choices from that list, you start training your brain to trust your own signals again. So if you're writing what's really working, be very honest in this exercise, what's really working the hell yes side and then what is not working and then making a decision based off either side.
(06:16)It can be like the hell yes list. Maybe you have been making occasional even self-care going to get your nails done or taking a relaxing bath. You could even do something to that effect. Adding more of that, right? Making that choice going, Hey, I know that makes me happy when I do that, so why don't I try to do more? And then you'll notice, of course you will end up feeling better and better. You take even more steps to exercise a little bit every day, get your body moving, whatever it is, you'll know that you trusted yourself enough to give yourself more of that self-care. Then on the other side, which I feel like a lot of my clients and myself, when I started, I loved getting those hell nos off the list. So making choices to get rid of the hell nos. One of mine was even just let's say, so look, I cut a narcissist out of my life and then I realized I had a couple friends that were also controlling.
(07:26)Maybe I won't go as far as narcissists, but there were traits, but also just controlling, manipulative. I kind of felt like I to, I was almost afraid of them in a way. I had to answer the phone. So one of my big things for me, my hell no, was I feel like I always have to answer to people on the phone in general. So I'm going to stop doing that. Do you know what a lifesaver that was? And I realized I was in touch. I paid attention to my body, listened to my body, like that visceral reaction when the phone would ring and I'd be like, oh God, but I'm doing this, but I have to answer. Or they might get mad at me or this or that. So paying attention to my body, saying, my body's telling me it speaks to you. So listen to your body.
(08:12)My body's telling me that this isn't healthy, that I'm making myself at a beck and call to people. So that helped me. I mean, there's many, many more things on the list that helps you build the self-trust. But that even shows, right? You can start to be like, oh, I listen to my body and now look, I feel so much better. And that reinforces your self-trust. And that's a small example, but hopefully you get it. Okay. Number two, nervous system regulation. So again, listening to that body, the nervous system is a very big symbol of how we are mentally, physically, and spiritually. So when fear or doubt pops up, your body doesn't always know the difference between actual danger and discomfort or what it thinks is danger. So a quick grounding practice can put your hand over your heart, take a slow breath in through your nose, out your mouth.
(09:18)It's called a halo breath and name one thing you know is true right now. What is true right now. And this helps your body calm down. So you can tell the difference between fear and intuition. And I teach you all my clients when we do one-on-one work, I teach you all of this stuff and we customize these exercises for you. So if you're like, that sounds great, but I don't really know what to say or do, we can work on the hell yes, hell no list together for you to really get clear for foundation. And then we also do these somatic healing exercises together. And then you get these tools that you can take on your own as well. So always look on ways to work with me one-on-one in the link in my show notes. Alright, number three, redefine normal. So one of my clients shared about not even knowing what a normal relationship looks like after her abuse. And I hear this, this is not the first time, but it's something I heard more recently again, and it's a good reminder. So let me say this. Normal doesn't mean perfect, but normal can mean, should mean safe, respectful, and consistent. And maybe you want to write those down. So if you are entering a new relationship in the future, or maybe you're in one now, depending where you are in your journey, safe, respectful, consistent.
(11:02)If someone messes up, they apologize and they don't just apologize, okay? We're not going to take just words anymore. They must follow up with a changed behavior. So the people who apologize and give lip service but no changes next, and they don't give excuses, they might give a reason, but not excuse it, not be accountable. They show accountability and they make the changes. So that's a good start as the baseline. Okay? Safe, respectful, no name calling. There shouldn't be yelling. I will tell you right now, do my husband and I ever disagree? Yeah, we're literally opposites. He's an introverted, logical, just solid rock, right? I'm an A, DD, extroverted, wild, hyper nugget.
(12:11)I am extra all around. Somehow he married me and we really balanced each other out. But do we have disagreements? Yes. Do we not understand each other at all? Sometimes? Yeah, but we are on the same team. We always feel like that we are always respectful to each other. We do not name call. We do not yell at each other. Do we raise our voices and frustration like any human here and there? Sure it's not frequent. We don't like it. We make up. We say sorry to each other. We say, I didn't like how that felt. Me neither. Okay?
(12:52)And we're consistent. We consistently show up for each other and we're consistent in having conversations, talking openly. We're very communicative, solving problems together and moving on. And if someone messes up, they take accountability absolutely right away and we squash it. Alright? So here's the truth. The narcissist doesn't get the final word on your worth. They may have trained you to doubt yourself, but you now hold the key, that power to retrain your mind, your body, and your spirit. That's why I love doing this combination of talk therapy, all the mindset work and this somatic healing that just makes it so much more of a deeper, longer lasting. It just feels more for me. Once I added the somatic healing in my own journey, it was more like ingrained deeply and really true shifts. I felt like the mindset work was great, but sometimes that could slip and feel like ebbs and flows a little.
(14:11)When you put the body work in, I feel like it's just more concrete in my experience. So every time that you trust your gut, every time you sit with the guilt and hold that boundary and remind yourself, peace is like it's your right, you deserve it. Say, I deserve peace. Say right now, I deserve peace. Go ahead. Thank you. Right? Every time you are chipping away and breaking the cycle for you, for your kids, the generational cycles. So if you take one thing from today's episode, let it be this. You're not broken, okay? Don't question yourself. You're becoming, and it's a practice. And the more you practice the self-trust and do these little exercises, the more unshakeable you'll feel. And if you want to really have true transformation, you are like, I am ready. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to walk in this journey of this new chapter and truly embody it.
(15:26)Instead of just imagine what it would be like then check out my one-on-one coaching. We will rebuild that piece, that power and self-trust together, like I got you booboo. We're going to wear our crowns and shine them up while we do it. Okay? So reminder, Thursdays are my thrive. In five episodes, they're a little shorter and we do usually some sort of somatic wonder. So definitely make sure you're following right now. Go make sure you're following me on whatever platform you listen to me on because you don't want to miss any episodes. This is good shit. I am totally biased against, not against for, I was biased against myself for my podcast. This is my baby, and I cherish it and I want to help people through it. I'm kind of joking saying, oh, you can't miss an episode. But really I got some good stuff coming up.
(16:29)I'm really excited for you. If you just found me. Hello, welcome. You can always email me and just say hello. My email's always in the show notes too, and working one-on-one, it's mind blowing. The work we do together is absolutely mind blowing, and your life will be forever changed. It will. I have never had a client not have impeccable, impeccable, lasting change that I've worked with. So please come sign up one-on-one. Let's do this and keep your crown on. Keep your sparkle shining. You look so good in glitter. Okay? And I will see you on Thursday for the next episode.

How to Protect Your Peace from a Narcissist in 5 Minutes

Narcissists hate your peace—because when you’re calm, their control slips away. That’s why they poke and prod the moment you start to feel steady.
In this Thrive in Five, I’ll share:✨ Why your calm threatens their power✨ A quick somatic reset you can do in minutes✨ How to guard your peace like the crown jewel it is 👑
📥 Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide
Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.✨ Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250
🛠️ Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?
Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:
✅ Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake SessionThis 90-minute session is for the woman who’s serious about healing and wants to explore working together in a deeper way. It’s not designed as a one-off quick fix—but rather a powerful first step for those considering the monthly or 3-month coaching containers. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure which path to take next, this session is for you.💻 Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
✅ 1-Month Private Coaching ContainerIncludes weekly coaching, somatic tools, and in-between support to help you regulate, reset, and start rebuilding trust with yourself.
💻 Learn more:https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
✅ 3-Month Transformational Coaching PackageThis is the most supportive and spacious container I offer. We’ll dive deep into emotional healing, nervous system support, boundary work, and personal empowerment so you can rise fully in your peace and power.
💻 Apply here:https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to your Thrive in five. This is your five minute pause from the chaos, the guilt trips, and the narcissist, endless drama bombs. All right, so take a breath queen. This one is for you all tied up in a little bow just for you. Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to Take a breath Queen. This one's for you. Today. We are going to talk about why the narcissists hate your piece a little bit, but more importantly, how to guard it quickly. We're going to do a little somatic tooling today. If you want to go deeper in, if you did not already listen to Tuesday's episode, please go listen to that as well. And you could save this and come back to it. Maybe listen to that first, or if you just have a few minutes, definitely try out this tool and save the other podcast because they go hand in hand every Tuesday, Thursday.
(01:04)We've got two little buddy episodes. Okay, so here's the thing. When you're calm and you're at peace, right? And you might be getting there right now, you might be feeling it, but when you're truly there, you are untouchable. You're unshakeable. Your nervous system stops reacting to their chaos and their power then slips through their fingers. So if you're starting to feel emboldened, you're starting to feel independent, you're starting to feel like you are getting out or are out of their web. Finally, they will show up. That's why they poke, they prod, they stir up the conflict because you're finding peace and they don't like it. Again, I touched on that a lot more deeply in Tuesday's episode, but here's what they don't know. Peace can be practiced and it can be guarded. So this is something you can absolutely get, even if you're not totally there yet, you can practice it and then you can guard it and maintain it.
(02:19)And obviously working with me one-on-one is the best way to do that. I'll always put my how to work with me one-on-one options in my show notes. That is going to be your best way to get the transformation. I mean, hey, I'm going to pat myself on my back. These episodes, these podcasts, they are great. They got some good tools. I really try to give a lot of free information, but I cannot talk to each one of you in a customized way through this podcast, which I would love to do, but I can't do it. So that's where the one-on-one real true, deep, long lasting transformation works where we do somatic healing, mindset work, everything, right? So today's tool, we'll do a quick nervous system reset right now. So step one, you're going to place both feet firmly on the floor, right? You get grounded, baby, you look good, grounded as you inhale, imagine breathing in the calm.
(03:20)And you could put a color. I love to make a golden light. Anything calm for me? You could make it light blue. You could make a no color as long as you're feeling calm when you're breathing it in. So the inhales, you're going to do that. And when you exhale, you're going to imagine sending chaos, that chaotic feeling out of your body, whatever that feels like, looks like it could be. You have tension and draw, sending that out. I like to shoot it up out of my crown chakra. I imagine that going straight up and out. Get the hell out of here, right? So you can do two breaths like this in through the nose and out through wherever you want to shoot it out. Okay? Step two. Then we make gentle fists with both hands. And you're going to squeeze for five seconds and then you're going to release. And the key is to really focus and feel the difference between when you squeeze, squeeze, feel the tension, right? Feel what that feels like. It's tense, kind of hurts, not so comfortable and release. What does that feel like? Lighter. Ah, peaceful. That's your body. Remembering it as a choice. You have a choice of squeezing, you have a choice of letting go. Okay? Number three, place one hand over that little heart, little beater of yours and repeat after me. My piece is mine. I don't hand it over and then say it twice more.
(05:19)Your piece is yours. You get to choose. Are you going to give that to this mofo? Heck no. Not anymore. No ma'am. There's a new queen in town. Okay? So these are some simple steps, but every time you practice these steps together, you are training your body to stay loyal to you, not to what? To their chaos. When they have you under their thumb, you are loyal to them and their chaos. We don't have time for that anymore. No, we don't have the energy or the desire. So you're going to start staying loyal to you and your peace. Okay? Your piece is sacred, and that might sound hokey or dramatic, but it is. Your piece is your lifeline. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah. So you have to guard it. You have to guard it. No one else is going to guard your peace.
(06:21)Like you will guard it when you're ready. Are you ready? Good. If you're ready, let's work together. Let's get real ready. Link in the notes. Alright, that's your Thrivent five. Go sip your tea, adjust your beautiful shiny crown. And remember this too, guys, okay? The calmer you are, the more peace you are, the less control they'll have. The calmer you are, the less control they will have. And isn't that what we want? So when you feel triggered or you want to just bite back at something, they said, remember, any attention or any energy you give them gives them control.
(07:07)That's not what we want. What do you want? You want peace. Don't worry about what they have and don't have. And you got to now that you know you're going to tell them off, or you don't need to do any of that, you win when you have peace. So always think, is this going to give me more peace? My reaction? And as you know, the Gray Rock Method is the biggest peace giver if you have to deal with a narcissist, gray rock method. I have two episodes, I believe on that. Okay? So you guys have a beautiful rest of your week. And don't forget, every Tuesday is the normal episode and every Thursday is the Thrive in five Somatic Tools to Accompany Tuesday's episodes. So again, all my information will always be in the notes, how to work with me, my email, if you have questions about anything or you just want to reach out, say hello. I love it. I love you guys. I love getting notes from you. And then anything related to the podcast, if I mention another episode, I'll usually try to link it in there. And always the transcript is there as well. If you miss something or you listening and you want to just go read about it. Alright, I'll see you the next episode. Smooches and Deuces, keep that chin up, babe.

Why Narcissists Hate Your Peace (And How to Guard It Anyway)

💬 Episode Description (Show Notes):
Why do narcissists hate your peace so much? In this episode, Christy breaks down why your calm threatens their control, the sneaky ways they try to shake it, and simple tools to guard your peace like the crown jewel it is. ✨
📥 Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide
Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.✨ Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250
🛠️ Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?
Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:
✅ Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake SessionThis 90-minute session is for the woman who’s serious about healing and wants to explore working together in a deeper way. It’s not designed as a one-off quick fix—but rather a powerful first step for those considering the monthly or 3-month coaching containers. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure which path to take next, this session is for you.💻 Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
✅ 1-Month Private Coaching ContainerIncludes weekly coaching, somatic tools, and in-between support to help you regulate, reset, and start rebuilding trust with yourself.💻 Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
✅ 3-Month Transformational Coaching PackageThis is the most supportive and spacious container I offer. We’ll dive deep into emotional healing, nervous system support, boundary work, and personal empowerment so you can rise fully in your peace and power.💻 Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
TRANSCRIPT
 
 
 
 
Why does it feel like every time you finally get calm, the narcissist in your life stirs up that drama? Today I'm sharing why your piece is such a threat to them and the exact tools you can use to guard it like the crown jewel. It is. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun.
 
So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. All right, so why do these narcissists hate our peace so much? First of all, they survive on control, drama, and emotional chaos. So your piece means they are losing their influence on you, right? They want to shake you up. They want to keep you chaotic in your brain. So think of it like this. Your piece is evidence that you know longer need them. Again, your piece is evidence that you no longer need them and that terrifies them. Their ego, you know how big their egos are, okay? Their ego feeds on reaction. So that could be angers, tears defending yourself, but silence and calm.
 
That starves them. It starves their ego, it starves that needing to be fed that they have, right? So how did they attack your piece? You probably know, but we'll go through a few little examples. First, there's the drama bombs, right? The sudden emergencies, which we talked about last week. Even with the texting, they exaggerate things, say they're emergencies. Things are important when you're finally relaxing. Of course the text barrages, right? So they're endless messages when you've gone no contact or gray rock. So if you haven't blocked 'em and you can still see you just aren't responding or writing to them at all, you could definitely end up with a lot of messages. They get very compulsive about it. Basically desperate to get a response from you, right? The guilt trips, this could be you've changed or you don't care about family or you don't care about whatever anymore, right?
 
These guilt trips, when they see a change to make you feel bad about that change, by the way, don't feel bad about that change, right? And the lovely smear campaigns. So this is stirring others up against you when you won't react to them directly. So this is designed to pull you out of calm because in peace you can think clearly. They don't like that because clear thinking means their mask can slip, you can outsmart them. We have a podcast on how to outsmart narcissists. It can be done not when you're under their spell, not when you're in their control. But when you are coming out of that, when you are on the other side, you can think clearly, you think like a new person and therefore you can see beyond their mask. In other words, they don't have that control. So how do you guard your piece?
 
Alright, here's one tool, the breathe in anchor tool, okay? This is grounding. This is feet flat on the ground, deep breath in, slower breath out, focusing on your breathing and say to yourself, this is one of my favorite phrases in the world and we're adding it with a little breath work right now because it such a joyous combo. Alright? You've probably heard it if you haven't, write it down. Not my circus, not my monkeys. They are not your circus. It's not your monkeys, it's not your drama, right? Oh, disconnect yourself from it. Breathing. You could do halo breaths in through the nose, out through the mouth. You can repeat this over and over to empower you more and more. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Alright? Number two, tech boundaries. You can mute your notifications if you can't block them or don't want to. For whatever reason.
 
You can use the do not disturb mode and remind yourself just because they message, I want you to hear this, all of you in the back. Just because they message does not mean you must answer. It doesn't. There isn't urgency unless there is a life situation or your child needs to be picked up immediately. Something like that. Other than that, pause that mofo, mute it, look at it, put it in a drawer. Go take a breather. Go anchor your feet down and scream about circus and monkeys. Alright, number three, energetic boundaries. Let's picture a lovely crown of light on your head. Maybe it could, I don't know, look like a golden crown. Okay? Protecting your mind from their words. So really, if you can't visualize, just think it. I know some of you aren't visual, I'm very visual, so it's hard for me to relate to that part.
 
But however you are able to create something in your mind, think of it as there is a protection there. There's a barrier. And if you are visual, imagine it being a golden crown, golden light, whatever around your head, full of peace, protecting from their bullshit and visualize or think of their chaos bouncing off that energy field, bouncing off the clickety clank of your crown. Okay? Yeah, those energetic boundaries. And four, permission to rest. You do not need to defend your peace to anybody, okay? You don't need to defend it to anyone. You don't need to explain it. You don't need to have a second thought about it. You deserve to have peace. That's it. That's your right. It is your right to have peace. Even if you've had chaos your whole damn life or your whole damn relationship with this person, it's time that ends.
 
You want peace, you got it. And guarding your peace, it's not selfish. They're going to guilt trip you. They're going to make all the reasons, either it's hurt them or it's hurt someone else, right? Oh, you're different and oh, no one likes you. Now who knows? They say it all. It is survival for you. I give you full permission for you to rest. Rest your mind, rest your body. Protect yourself. Okay? So your peace is power. And maybe you're not used to having that power or maybe you're starting to feel it come back, but that's the proof that you're healing, that you're breaking free, that their grip, their terror grip is gone. And that's exactly why narcissists hate it and exactly why you must guard it. Okay, let's say that again. It's exactly why narcissists hate it, which is exactly why you must guard it.
 
Okay? So if you want more tools like this, if you have not gotten my boundaries pocket guide, that's always linked in my show notes, goodbye Gil Boundaries, okay? And if you want to go deeper, if you really want transformation, and my schedule, I will tell you guys is blowing up right now. So if you want to get in, act quickly, click the link and we will have our first one-on-one session. So I either do it where we have one, one-on-one, which will be two further, basically like an intake session. It's an hour and a half kind of deep dive. And then we'll go into whatever program you want to sign up for. And there is the monthly program, there's the three month program. If you already know you want one of those, you can just sign up directly for that and we can use your first session as an intake. So basically you get a little discount because we'll go extra on your first one hour session. We'll go longer than that since you're signing up ahead of time for a month or three months, one month at a time. It's great if you're tiptoeing in and you're like, yeah, I know I want to transform. I know I'm ready to do this work, but you're just like a little, huh, three months, that's like you are going to be unrecognizable in three months in a good way.
 
You are at the F this, I'm over this, I'm done feeling like this and I need peace. I want to feel that peace because we can listen to all this stuff and we can definitely use some of these tools ourselves. But having someone holding you accountable that you're checking in with every week and customized to your situation is a lot different. You're going to get deeper transformation. We do somatic healing, and I should have mentioned that at the beginning. We do somatic healing. It's not just the advice, it's taking the body healing as well. So you're getting the advice on your specific situation. And then we're using somatic tools to make that lasting change that goes beyond mindset. That can sometimes slip back when you are changing your bodies, actual what it remembers and changing that and turning the wiring around, creating new stories, creating more confidence, creating self-trust through the body.
 
That's when big shit happens. That's when you wear the double crowns. So if you're interested in that, the links again are always on my show notes. If you have any questions, my email's there too. You can be like, Christie, I don't know what to do. Or you want to know, what do you mean by somatic healing? I've talked about it here, but if you want me to lay anything out in an email for you, email me or go sign up and let's do it. Alright? And we have fun. I mean this is healing work, but it can also be hella fun and hella empowering, right? It's me you're working with. Yeah, you can do all the work you want, but you haven't done it with Christie. Alright, so that's it. A little longer than oh, 12 minutes. Not too bad. I felt like I was blabbing a little bit at the end there, but another episode, there it is, 12 minutes.
 
Don't forget, Thursdays are thrive in five. So make sure you're following my podcast. So you get notifications that, hey, the gang's all here and we're going to sing about narcissism. Narcissism. I can't sing talk right now. So yes, definitely. Please also share this with anyone that is going through this that so I can help more people. And speaking of helping more people, I might do a separate episode just to quickly blurb this, you guys, I really could use your help. I could use your help helping more women. And it takes you literally 30 seconds. You just go down, scroll down to if you're on Apple, scroll all the way down on my main show page and there is the review section. You click five stars, you write, Christie is amazing, I love her golden crown, she's the bomb. Say whatever you want to say. Hopefully nice things.
 
Click submit. You are done. And that helps my algorithm reach more women so you essentially can help more women in your situation. So help me them, help everybody. So glad you found me. Are you glad you found me? You're sitting here listening, so I guess so. So imagine if you can help get more women to get help and get answers in their life when they're struggling. So I'd appreciate that so much. And that's about it. Thrive in five on Thursday. I think I kind of a ddd on that. Thrive in five on Thursdays is basically in five or so minutes. Usually a somatic experience of breath work or visualization meditation, a little pep talk, whatever it is related to Tuesdays episodes. So it's a little complimentary episode that's quick and I know a lot of you're loving them. I've gotten a lot of comments recently that you save those and you go back to them and they're just so digestible when you might not have the time for a full episode. So yeah, it enjoy my free Facebook group because damn Gina, why not? It's going to be full of other lovely ladies like you. And I do some funny memes, I do some videos, I always put my podcast episodes. I post 'em up there and I might try to start doing some group like lives in there where we can chat. So check that out and I'll see you in the next one. Bye.
 
 

How to Handle Narcissist Texts in Minutes (Without Losing Your Peace)

Narcissists love sending ‘urgent’ texts to hijack your peace. In this episode, Christy explains why they do it and how to shut it down fast—so you can stay calm, confident, and in control
📥 Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket GuideWant to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.✨ Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250
🛠️ Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:
✅ Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session💻 Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
✅ 1-Month Private Coaching Container💻 Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
✅ 3-Month Transformational Coaching Package💻 Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
🔗 Related Episodes You’ll Love:
🎧 Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help👉 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120
🎧 Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practice👉 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155
✨ Follow Christy on Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you. All right, queen, let's talk about that moment. Your phone dings and suddenly your peace is gone. It's the narcissist and the message is urgent. Or at least they say it is. Maybe it's call me now or it's an emergency, or it's important answer or even as low as the kids need. You sound familiar? Well, here's what you need to know. Those out of nowhere or urgent type texts are rarely about real emergencies. They're about control. A narcs favorite word. Alright? So a narcissist wants you to yank out of your calm, especially if you're doing well, you're moving on. Ooh, that irks them, right? They want to spike your anxiety and test if they still have access to you, if you're still going to take the bait, if you're still going to respond.
(01:22)I always say, don't take the bait, keep it very simple. Gray rock method. We talked about that on Tuesday's episode, speaking of which, this episode is related to Tuesday's episode, which was all about these texts, and today is just a quick tool to handle them, basically handling those fake emergency texts. So step one, pause. Do not reply instantly. And we mentioned this in Tuesdays, but that's a quick note, right? Just pause. The pause puts you back in the driver's seat. So when you feel like stressed out, when you read it, take a breath and pause. Two, check the facts. Is it truly urgent? If it's not about your kid's safety or something, life or death, it can wait. Step three, respond and don't react. Keep it short, neutral and business-like that. Gray rock method. So an example, and I go over this all more in depth than Tuesday's episode if you didn't listen, so that will be in the show notes.
(02:37)Example is noted. I'll handle it when I'm able to, period. Okay? No overexplaining anything. No getting emotional. Keep it to the basics. To the facts. Okay? So the next time your phone lights up with a fake emergency from your least favorite narc, remember, you are not at their beck and call, okay? Your piece is what's important. Your piece is what's urgent, and you decide when and how you engage. Girl, you got your damn power back, right? That's what we're doing here. Shining our crowns, getting our power right? So if you want more scripts or strategies, how to navigate all this stuff, grab my free Boundaries pocket guide as a start, and then if you want to work one-on-one and do customize scripts, customize strategies, that's where the real transformations happen. I always have the ways to work with me one-on-one in my show notes, so check it out.
(03:46)And you can also join my free Facebook community with other ladies like you. I drop some truth bombs out there and I always put the podcast episodes. Sometimes I'll do some videos. So definitely go join that community. What else? I guess that's it. That's it. It's pretty, this might be my shortest episode ever. How crazy. Wow. Under four minutes. All right, give me a high five through the screen. Give yourself a little queen hug and I'll see you in the next episode. Don't forget to follow this podcast too, and help me help more people. Love.

Why Narcissists Text You Out of Nowhere (And How to Shut It Down)

Your phone dings. It’s the narcissist.“Emergency.”“Call me now.”“Why are you ignoring me?”
These out-of-nowhere texts aren’t random — they’re tactics to pull you back into chaos.
In this episode, Christy shares:🔥 Why narcissists drop “urgent” messages📱 The most common manipulations (fake emergencies, guilt trips, drama bombs)🚪 How to shut it down without losing your peace
✨ Resources + Ways to Work With Me
👑 Free Boundaries Pocket GuideGrab your quick-start guide to boundaries that actually stick → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250
💬 1:1 Coaching with ChristyReady for personal guidance and deeper healing?
Single Session: Reclaiming You Power Call → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Monthly Package → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
3-Month Transformational Coaching → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
Email me with questions: fiercemamac@gmail.com
🎧 Free Private Support Facebook GroupCome join the community and connect with other women who get it → https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989
💻 Self-Paced Empowered Boundaries Course10 modules, scripts, meditations + lifetime access → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Grey Rock Method Episode:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776
TRANSCRIP
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christy wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:01)Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie. This is your guide to reclaiming peace, protecting your sex ass power and thriving, not just surviving after narcissistic abuse. And today we're going to talk about one of the sneakiest and most triggering tactics. Narcissists love to use. I've been through it myself. The random out of nowhere texts, if you're co-parenting, you've lived this probably a hundred times. If you're not, you may still deal with it. Pretty sure you have the Hoover text. These little attempts are sometimes big to reel you back in. But either way, the goal for them is the same, to control you, to control your focus and hijack your emotions. So why do they do this? Why? It's mind blowing Because we don't think like them. So it's very hard for us to understand why would someone do this? The lengths they will go and the things they will do, it's not cool.
(02:10)So let's break down the psychology first. Narcissists crave what? Control. That's our biggest thing I talk about all the time, right? I should drink every time I hear myself say the word control on this podcast and supply. So they want control and they want supply, right? Feeding their ego, feeding, grabbing your energy, whatever. So when you've created this distance, that loss of control burns them. So they're burning up the fact that you've created a distance in the first place. We kind of know that the random texting is a way to test. Can I still get her attention? Even if it's bad attention, can I still spark that reaction? Right? So it's never about the communication. It's not really about whatever they're asking you or egging you to respond to. It's about power and intrusion, intrusion on your mind, intrusion on your soul in whatever way they can.
(03:21)Okay? So think about it. Healthy people don't send a three word emergency text at 9:00 PM at 10:00 PM, 11, whatever. That's manipulation. It's not communication. A healthy person would say, Hey, I'm at the hospital with Mindy. Such and such happened. You may want to get over here, or whatever the thing is, right? Looks a little different than the narcissist who dangles what we call a carrot. So you are forced them to react and respond, okay? So that's why. What are the tactics they use? So here are the classics I see over and over. Number one, fake emergencies. Good example. Call me now. Something's wrong with the kids. They'll even pull them into it. But even just call me now by itself. Call me now. I need you to talk. I need you to answer or pick up the phone. I need you to pick up the phone.
(04:26)It's important. It's an emergency. This urgent, urgent way of speaking. And nine times out of 10, it's something minor. So they could say something, it has to do with the kids. And then you call and it's like, oh, their homework was late, right? Something. They'll find anything they have to bait you. Number two, the drama drops. Just you won't believe what happened. You don't believe what just happened to me or not even to me. You just won't believe what just happened. They're baiting you into a spiral. They know that's going to get your curiosity peaked. And even though they're trying to control that curiosity, that satisfy their need for that supply, and in their mind they're like, oh, she, he on this podcast. It's she usually, but she cares still because she's curious. When I put something out there, she wants to know because I must matter to her somewhat.
(05:32)And even if I don't, I still have control of her. It's so gross. Alright, number three, guilt trips disguised as urgency. So example, I don't know why you're ignoring me. This is important. They'll be like, oh, all I want to do is just share this information with you. I'm just trying to help you out. Right? Whatever. It's guilt, it's manipulation, mixed with urgency. The translation of that is I want control. It's not about resolution. So learning these things will help you. Okay? And number four, the Hoover check-ins. Hoover, right? That's the vacuum. If you don't know about hoovering, think I have an episode somewhere. I'll try to remember to link below the, Hey, just thinking about you, or I was just reminiscing about the old days. My husband actually has an ex who would hoover over text messages. Oh, I was just thinking about this thing we did together or this item I got.
(06:47)It's designed to stir up nostalgia and suck you back in. They know what they're doing, guys, right? Every single one of these things is about knocking you off your feet so they can grab you, pick you up and stuff 'em inside to feed their supply and let them feel control. So that's all lovely. Let's get how to shut it down. So this is the part where you get to put on your crown, shine it up, and take that power back. Alright? Number one, first things first, guys, don't do shit until you pause, pause, pause, pause. Before you reply, if you even have to reply, can we first please talk about, I know if you're co-parenting, you feel like you have to reply. I hope by now, if you've been listening to my podcast, there are options to deal with certain apps. And that way it's like you can even, I believe, have your attorney on there if you have an attorney, right? Like a third party. But apps are a great way. You keep it very emotionless to the point. Don't take their bait and it is documented. So sometimes they'll be on better behavior because it's being documented like that on an app and they're more aware of it. So it helps. Sometimes they don't give a shit because they're narcissists and rules don't always apply to them in their heads.
(08:24)But either way, you have it documented. So if you do need to go to court, if you do need to prove something, you've got everything there and it's all in one spot. I love those apps. So anyway, pause before you reply. If my whole point is if you have to reply, if it's something not related to your child or something that is truly you feel like you need to respond to, don't reply. Your first reaction is usually the one they're fishing for. They know how to get under your skin and you're going to grow. You're going to get out of that space where you feel like that even initially. But you might be, I'm thinking if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably in the space where you might still get triggered. They know how to trigger you. They know you will get triggered. They've seen it before. You fall prey to it in the past so they know they can get you, okay, but not if you practice pausing, breathing. Okay, wait. Number two, fact check ask, is this truly urgent? Is this truly urgent?
(09:38)If it's not about the kid's safety or a true emergency, it can wait. If they bait you and they say it's about the kids. As a parent, I get it. We need to say, what is it? If they say, oh, the doggy ate or homework or whatever trash they're trying to trick you with, you stop responding. Don't feed them. Don't say, see, why would you do that? Don't get worked up. Don't react. Just don't respond. The more gray rocking you do with these people, the better. I have Gray Rock episodes too, okay? Gray Rock Method is great for this type of behavior. Number three, respond but don't react. There's a difference. I'm going to say that again. Respond. Don't react. There is a difference. So keep it short, neutral business-like gray Rock all over the place. Gray rock basically means what it says, right? You're a gray rock.
(10:28)You're blending in, you're just neutral. You're just there. Example, noted, I'll address this when I'm able or if oh, homework was eaten. You can say, noted. You literally don't give them anything. Don't show emotion. Don't go into questions. Why would you send this? Why are you acting like it's an emergent? Nope. Don't give them anything. Don't explain. Don't justify next. You start doing this, it's going to be great. And the last one, boundaries with tech, right? Silence. Notifications. This is hard. Again, especially if you're co-parenting, it's about your kids. You're not going to silence your notifications unless if you have your kids with you. But I understand when the ex is taking care of your children, yes, we want those notifications on, you can use apps or tools to keep those co-parenting communications in one place. Like I said, and remember, you decide when and how you engage.
(11:40)Obviously we know there's certain things, like I said, those emergencies. But in general, you can do this to yourself. I mean the drama, you're part of the chaos. If you are giving them back chaos, if you are escalating, if you are getting triggered, I get it. We're going to get triggered. Go let it out somewhere else. Go scream into a pillow, go do some kickboxing. Go run around the neighborhood. Don't give it to them, okay? Don't give it to them. So you could also do a mindset reset, right? The truth is a text is just pixels on a screen. It can't jump up inside your body and hijack your piece unless what you let it. And I know that's easier said than done. I get that part. I do. But thinking about that's starting to chip away to the point where you can actually take that control back where you can actually feel like, you know what? I'm not going to let this person just type words to me. They're going to take over my whole freaking nervous system. We're not going to do it anymore. Okay? I'm not saying it might not be overnight, but start having that mindset, right?
(12:57)Really zoom out. And when you start to feel that panic rise, do the pausing. Remind yourself this is a tactic. I'm not required to participate. Say it. This is a tactic I am not required to participate. And those of you co-parenting, your kids need a mom who is calm and steady. You are the freaking lifeboat. Is that the word? Why is that sound weird? Lifeboat. I guess I haven't said that word in a while. Not the one reacting to every ding from the narcissist, right? These kids, let's be honest, they got it sucky already that they've got a parent who's a narcissist. It's not your fault, okay? We're not taking blame, but it is what it is. So yes, you do need to be the bigger person because we know the narc isn't. So you need to be the level-headed one, and you deserve a life where your peace is the default.
(14:01)It's not just about these kids that helps us do things. That's great motivation because a lot of us do not self care very well after abuse, during abuse, but you do deserve peace. I know you want it. Peace is sexy. I'm going to make a T-shirt line. Peace is sexy. So the next time that phone lights up out of nowhere, I want you to remember, you are in control of your responses, your time, your energy. You can't control what they're doing or not doing or sending or not sending or how they're saying it. And why don't give them any more of your energy and time like that unless it's an emergency and you get the facts, you figure it out, solve the problem.
(14:54)And if you need more help setting boundaries and have not gotten my free boundaries pocket guide. I mean, how cute does that even sound? Cute little boundaries. I will put it in the show notes. There is the link and how to work with me. If you're like, I want to be the baddest boundary bitch out there and I want to feel calm and I want to feel safe, and I want my kids to have a better life. I'm ready to fucking transform. Then look at the ways to work with me. That's where the true magic happens. I'm biased. Yeah, because I'm awesome. I will link that too. But you've got this. Okay, you got it. You're a queen. Keep shining and sparkling anytime. You know what? Let's do this. Anytime you get a text from this narc, unless it's an emergency or something very urgent, you have to respond to, I want you to pick up your hand, flick it like you are throwing sparkle all over that shit.
(15:56)And instead of it being negative, you're going to override it with your damn sparkle. Okay? All right. I think that sounds great. I'm going to start doing that with everybody. I've been on the phone too much. Just, you know how you know, I don't know if you guys talk on the phone or not. I am a phone talker with my best friends, but sometimes I get drained. It's just too much for me, and I'm in that mode. I go through levels where I'm like, I don't want to be anywhere near a phone and then I'm back to normal. I'm in a phase right now where I want to just not, so I'm going to start throwing sparkles at my phone. Imaginary sparkles or maybe real ones. All right, well, I will see you in the next episode. Don't forget, Thursday we are going to have a related Thrive in five episode.
(16:43)It's a much shorter episode usually. Basically doing some sort of somatic healing, visual meditation, breath work, all the things. So we will do one related to this. We'll do a special little one related to when you get text. So you don't want to miss that. So, oh, sorry, my thing got all messed up. My recorder. So you have to follow this. If you're not following my podcast, please take 30 seconds, follow it. It also helps my algorithm. So help me help you help spread all this fun to all the women of the world. And what was the other thing?
(17:28)Yes. Oh yeah, that's all. You just have to follow it. That's it. You just got to follow. So you get the notifications and of course share. If you know someone going through this shit like you are, share, share, share sharing is caring. We want this whole ness needs to just uhuh. They need to be pounded into the holes of the ground and hidden forever. But since that's not maybe going to happen, we at least know how to navigate them so they can't get away with all the bullshit they get away with. The more you shine the light on these people, the harder it is going to be for all of them to survive in this world. So I'm here for watching us, win us, shine our crowns and them stick in their own little sticky ass nasty spider web of crap, right? So they can text us from there. And we're going to throw some glitter on it. All right, see you the next one.

Quick Trauma Bond DISCONNECTION

Episode Description (Show Notes):
Feeling the urge to text, check their social, or replay old memories? That’s not love, Queen—that’s the trauma bond talking. In this quick Thrive in 5, Christy shares a 3-minute reset you can use any time those cravings hit so you can calm your body, clear your mind, and take back your power.
Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket GuideWant to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250
Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:
Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake SessionBook here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
1-Month Private Coaching ContainerApply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
3-Month Transformational Coaching PackageLearn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
Related Episodes You’ll Love:
Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Helphttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120
Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practicehttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155
 Follow Christy on Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/
 
TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Are you feeling the urge to text, check their social or replay old memories of yours? That's not love queen. That is trauma bonding. It is that trauma bond talking to you in this quick Thrive in five. It's going to be very quick today. I share a three minute reset. You can use anytime those cravings hit so you can calm your body, clear your mind, and take back your sexy ass power. Alright? So this is going to be a short, powerful pause in your week to reset your nervous system, protect that peace bubble. It's looking good on you, by the way, and keep you moving forward in this healing journey. So if you've ever felt that pull to check their social or just one more time, read an old text. That's not love, right? It's not that aeration and good feelings. It can feel desperate, it can feel sad.
(00:59)All these icky feelings because that's not really love. That's the trauma bond. And Tuesday, I talked all about it. If you have not listened to Tuesday's episode, it is all about this. So definitely listen to this and then I will go back. Or maybe you want to go back and listen to that first. Either way, make sure you find that episode. And the truth about it is your brain is hooked on those little tiny dopamine hits. Again, I talk all about the dopamine on Tuesday's episode, but it can be love bombing and relief after the chaos. It is an up and down cycle, right? So the trick is to break that loop before your brain convinces you to go back.
(01:44)So we're going to do a three minute reset for when the urge hits. Okay? So first we're going to name it out. Say this, right? When you get that urge, you go, this is a trauma bond. Not love, not my soulmate. This is just a bond I'm breaking. So naming it takes away some of its power, especially if you say it out loud. I am so big on saying shit out loud Queens. Number two, ground your body feet flat on the floor. Okay? You look around, this is kind of an orientation thing. You look around, name three blue things. Pick any color that you see. You could take it a step further depending how long you want it to be with sense or textures, feeling whatever you need to do. But you can quickly do three blue things, right? It brings your body back to the present where you are safe.
(02:50)You need a bubble. Number three, breathe to reset your nervous system. So you could do a halo breath in through the nose for four seconds, hold it for four, exhale for six. You're adding on an extra two seconds to really release to get everything out and all that nasty, gross opposite of dopamine. Crusty ass drama, bonding. We're going to release it in that exhale, right? You do this three times. Inhale four, hold for four, exhale six. If you want to pick five for all three to make it easier, it's fine. There's no right or wrong in this. Okay? So you could do inhale five, hold for five. Exhale for five, okay? Feel your shoulders drop, your chest loosen, and your mind clear. By the time you finish, that craving will feel smaller and you feel like the strong ass queen that you are. And if you want it to get even better, do it twice.
(03:51)Name the thing again. Ground your body. Do the breath work. Do it as much as you want to. The more you do it, the better you feel. That sounds like, do you remember that song? The More You? Oh, that was like, the more you fart. Oh my gosh, I'm like a 16-year-old boy. The more you fart, the better you feel. So eat Your Beans with Every Meal. Do you guys remember that weird song? Where'd that come from? I'm a 1980 baby. So some of you in that era may remember. Alright? So just remember, every time you choose you over that toxic pull, you are rewiring your brain for that freedom. That peace. Okay? So save this episode and the next time the urge hits, if you need a little guidance here, just play it. Or if you can remember these three things, write 'em down on a Post-it note, put it on your mirror.
(04:42)And also you can grab My Free Boundaries Pocket guide. Yes, I love boundaries. It's one of my favorite words. I have a Free Boundaries pocket guide, and that is in the show notes always. Or if you want to go deeper transformational shit, like who the hell are you? You Queen. At the end of working with me, look at the options to work with me. We have this intro call, but if you know, just want to jump into transformation and you're like, I already know. I love you, queen. Thank you, thank you. We can do a month long or we can do what a lot of my clients do because they want to really do the work. And that's the three month I'm showing up for myself, and I'm going to come out in three months and not recognize myself in the best of ways. So all the links are in the show notes. You got this. And give yourself a hug for showing up for yourself today. All right, see you in the next step.

Breaking the Trauma Bond: What Keeps You Hooked (And How to Finally Break Free)

Breaking the Trauma Bond: What Keeps You Hooked (And How to Finally Break Free)
Episode Description (Show Notes):
You left… but you still feel hooked.You blocked them… but you still think about them.You know they were toxic… so why does part of you miss them?
Welcome to the trauma bond.
In this episode, Christy breaks down:What a trauma bond really isWhy you feel addicted to someone who hurt you
The exact steps to finally unhook and come back to YOU
If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or obsessed after narcissistic abuse—this is your wake-up call (and your soft place to land). 💕
Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide
Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250
Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?
Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:
Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake SessionThis 90-minute session is for the woman who’s serious about healing and wants to explore working together in a deeper way. It’s not designed as a one-off quick fix—but rather a powerful first step for those considering the monthly or 3-month coaching containers. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure which path to take next, this session is for you.Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
1-Month Private Coaching ContainerIncludes weekly coaching, somatic tools, and in-between support to help you regulate, reset, and start rebuilding trust with yourself.Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/
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 Related Episodes You’ll Love:
Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Helphttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120
Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practicehttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155
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TRANSCRIPT
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So you block them, you want no contact, whatever it is, they're toxic. So why does part of you still miss them or just obsess over them? Why do you feel guilty or worse even tempted to go back? I've been getting some messages lately with listeners who really are trying to stay away and out of the life and not take the bait, but it is hard for them. So let's go into it. If you've ever felt like you're addicted to the narcissist, this episode is for you. We're talking about the trauma bond, what it is, why it's so hard to break, and how to finally unhook and come back to you because you're the queen, right?
(00:46)Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.
(01:44)Hello, beautiful soul. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast where we were clean that peace, protect our power, and rebuild self-trust after narcissistic abuse. I'm Christy Jade, and today we are going deep into something most survivors wrestle with. I'd probably say all of them, even after they leave it is the trauma bond. That soul tie feeling, the obsessive loop that goes round and round in your mind, that craving for someone you know is harmful. And we can get shame about this, right? Kick that shit to the curb. We don't have time for your shame. Alright? So you're not crazy. You are trauma bonded and we're going to talk about it. So what is a trauma bond? It is a psychological and physiological attachment. These are real things, okay? Science that forms through repeated cycles of abuse and the intermittent reinforcement. So basically they hurt you.
(02:49)They love bomb you, so you feel relief, right? Then what do they do? They pull away again. It's like, yo-yo, right? And your nervous system actually does become addicted to this cycle. The ups and downs, it becomes attached to it. It's the cycle. It's familiar, and you want that relief, right? Even after they hurt you, you're waiting, okay, well, I'm just holding onto that high. So kind of like a slot machine. You don't really know what you're going to get each day. You keep pulling the lever, hoping this time they're going to love you, right? They're going to treat you right? You're going to change them. Maybe this is all stuff I've heard about in my own life, of course, and then heard from you guys and working with clients. So the more unpredictable the behavior, the stronger bond.
(03:48)That's why narcissists are masters at trauma bonding you so signs that you're still hooked even after going no contact or low contact. These trauma bonds can still linger. So here's some signs to know if you are still bonded, you miss them more than you want to admit. You might keep it on the dl. You fantasize them about them changing. Maybe even after you are broken up completely could be after you're divorced, these things happen, right? You doubt yourself or feel guilty for leaving. You have those moments. Maybe it's not all the time you feel anxious, empty or depressed without them. And again, this can be one or all of these. You don't have to necessarily feel all of these, but these are different versions. You minimize what they did. Oh, it wasn't that bad, right? Or look, we had good times though, right? That's minimizing the bad too.
(04:51)Or you feel pulled to contact them even when you know it's basically self-sabotage. You still have that pull. This isn't weakness. And I know we can feel weak when we're in this, I get it, but it's a physiological, psychological and emotional loop. And until you interrupt it, it's going to keep looping. So why is it so hard to break? We're going to break down why you're still hooked. Even when your logical mind, you know that guy, there's like on the left shoulder, his logic says run. There is brain chemistry involved in this. So take a sigh of relief, maybe hug yourself. Like, Hey, this is actually a real condition in my brain.
(05:39)So give yourself grace, please. So each high you got after a discard or mistreatment abuse, the hoover, the love bomb. That's the cycle. Discard Hoover love bomb released dopamine. You literally became chemically addicted to those tiny hits of validation and relief. And it's a cycle of knowing, oh, well, you know the pattern. You've been around this person long enough to know what the pattern is. So that can look like, oh, there's this abuse. I know what comes after it. That dopamine hit, it's going to feel better after. So I'm going to stick around for that dopamine. Okay?
(06:26)Also, you attach during crisis. So that's another reason you are hooked, right? So you brain bonded during trauma. This is a primal survival strategy. Primal. It says stay close to danger so you can control it. And this is a big one in my past. Predict it. You feel like, okay, at least I know I can predict what's going to happen. Spoiler, you cannot control it, but your brain keeps trying. It wants to, which makes sense. And then there's the low self-worth equals an easier hook. So another reason it's hard to break when someone makes you feel like only they can love you the way they love you. Or maybe you're not worthy of love, right? These abusers often will make you feel like shit, knock you down, crush any confidence you have so they can have control over you and hook you more, right? It can tap into your childhood wounds, unmet needs you had, whether it was childhood are grown and fears, just even based on fears that you can lower your self-worth. They become your source of value. Really, you're dependent on them in those dopamine hits and those love bombs to feel valuable. So when they pull away, you panic because your sense of self, which is not from this point on, that's not going to be our sense of self anymore. We're going to do this work, but because that sense of self is tied to them. So how do you break free? That's all Great. Christie, how do you break free?
(08:13)Let's flip the script here, Rick. Rick, here's how you start cutting the cord for real. First, label it as trauma bond. Naming it really out loud. Say it out loud. I'm a big advocate of saying shit out loud. Name it. This is trauma bond. It is not love. It is not a soulmate. It is a trauma bond. Say it. This is a trauma bond. Go ahead, queen. And then we're going to rename it from love toon. So that is going to reframe it in your mind and you might have to repeat that. You can repeat as much as you want. Put it on a beautiful old sticky note on your mirror. Number two, here we are my favorite going no contact. I know it's not as easy as it is for some as others, and some situations are hard to do. Do that in obviously co-parenting littles, but as limited as possible.
(09:17)Okay? So that's blocking on socials. Even if you just check their page or you're not following them necessarily, no, every exposure is another dopamine hit. Okay? Think about it. I want you to suck that up. Why do you check their socials? It's actually a dopamine hit. It's reinforcing your cycle of what the shitty shit and the dopamine hit. We want to get rid of the cycle. Cold Turkey is hard, but it is clean. We love a good clean break and it works faster than the slow trying to pull away from that dopamine ripping off the bandaid. And by the way, if you need help doing this and support, that's what I'm here for. So check out the ways to work with me in my show notes always there and my emails there. If you have any questions about what I think you need, you can always email me too.
(10:14)Alright. Number three, flood your nervous system with safety. We can't think our way out of this. This is a body thing. This is where the somatic work comes in. And I do somatic work with most of my clients. We need to feel safe in our bodies. That's where all of the somatic energy healing comes. So this, and it's like, oh, somatic. We're not going to get crazy going into somatic healing today. I'm going to give you a few examples of what you can do. Getting a walk in nature, grounding with your bare feet. Yes, go hippie on me. Okay, orienting practice. I think I've talked about this one, but you're looking around, you're naming what you see often. I will tell myself, prompt myself, okay, find four aqua things in the room. Aqua is a little harder than red, right? So I like a little challenge or find four different patterns.
(11:10)Find what are two smells I can smell? What are three sounds? I can hear the birds chirping, right? The air filter that's blowing the TV two rooms away. It makes you present. Breath work, even cold water. I don't mess with cold water. I don't care. I don't care how much work I need. I'm never doing the cold water plunge. Okay? But you do, you boo boo. So you calm your body, you clear your mind. And yes, those might be momentary, but hey, they all add up. If you want to do deeper work, hit me up. Number four, rewire the belief that you need them. Let's say it for the people in the back, in the way, way back, rewire the belief that you need them. Start affirming. Have you heard of affirmations? Yeah. Love shouldn't hurt.
(12:04)And maybe save this episode or write these down. You can repeat 'em. Love shouldn't hurt. I don't chase chaos. I choose peace. And this one, okay, I was taught conditioned that this was love. It is not. And I get to learn a new way, the real way, by the way. So you're not just detoxing from them. I'm going to repeat this. I really feel this in my heart that you need to hear it. You're not just detoxing from them. You're detoxing from the belief that love equals pain. Okay? You're so used to that. It was just part of the bargain, part of the deal. No, no ma'am.
(13:04)So detox from that belief, and you can keep those affirmations so you don't really miss them. I know it feels like that. You miss the illusion, the validation, the love bombing, the dopamine, the feeling special when they would put you in those moments. And the good news is you can give yourself everything you were chasing in them. Do you know that? Work with me, queen. You're going to be a confident as queen. Upgrade. We're upgrading our confidence here. If this episode hit home, go share it. Is there someone else who could use this that that's feeling hooked? Okay, save it. Let's normalize this part of the healing journey, because shame has no seat at our table or our throne, whatever you want to call it. If you want more help unwinding trauma from your nervous system, let's grab your intake call and start our journey.
(14:11)The intake call, it's about an hour and a half, an hour to an hour and a half, depending how far we go in your story. It's really me getting a background. We usually have time to do a little somatic exercise together, and then that sets you up and sets me up with the information so that we can start our really deep work together, like lasting work. And I say that because Somatic Healing was a life changer for me. I did therapy for years. I love therapy. I love all the shit, but the somatic healing, and I do both. We do a little therapy, but we also, we really focus on feeling better and safe in the body too, right? Because the body remembers everything. That's where it sits. That's where we upset. Stomach, stress, shoulders, all these symptoms that we get can be so related to our nervous system being so jacked up from all the years of dealing with this crap, right?
(15:18)Yeah. We work on the brain stuff too, the mind stuff. How to deal with the narcs in your life if you're still involved with them at all that. But we do both so that you can have a complete healing and really a healing that not just the foundation, but then afterwards you actually get to thrive, right? You're getting this, I almost picture it like a, what's it? A vault? You've run what? Jump on that vault and then you're limitless. You might feel like that's not even attainable right now. So I won't go too deep into that. I know it can feel far away, but I'm telling you, I've been there. I have gone through a lot of shit in my life and I am an amazing peace bubble in my life. I'm unshakeable. I know my truth. I don't take the bait of any freaking narcissist anymore.
(16:16)I have way more confidence and self-trust. Even more important than confidence is my self trust. You can get there. If I can get there, you can get there. Okay? So if you're interested in doing this work, one-on-one links are in the show notes or email me. Alright? Felt some passion up in here, but you are not alone. You're not broken. You're finally freeing yourself, right? This was a trauma bond and we're taking the scissors and we're cutting them, by the way. Ooh. I also want you to go in the show notes. There's also an energetic cord cutting episode I have. I think I actually have two of 'em. There's a longer one and a Thrive in five. If you don't know, I do thrive in fives on Thursdays. They're five minutes around. Five minutes. I'm chatty. So maybe 10 somatic healing exercises every single Thursday to get that hands-on ship. Okay? So I'll put those two episodes in the show notes as well. All right, see you in the next step. Love you. Bye.