NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

EP 4 | 5 Things Toxic People Do to Win You Back and How to Stay Strong | Narcissistic Abuse Recovery for Women

*Top 5% in podcasts globally
Hey Queens!
I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.
Want the BEST and quickest pick me up?!
My 4 MINUTE meditation:
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider
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Are you technically 'out' of a toxic situation / relationship but not able to fully disconnect or keep getting dragged back in? In today's episode, we will talk about 5 Things Toxic People Do to Win You Back and How to Stay Strong.
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Grab the Not My Shit Journal mentioned here
Join me and other like-minded women on my free private Facebook Group Page at:
https://bit.ly/ChristyJade
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GRAB $20 off your first 60 minute coaching call with me:
https://bit.ly/FIRSTCOACHINGCALL
 
Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? Grab my E-Course here:
https://christyjade.podia.com/boundariescourse
 
And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;) 
https://www.christyjade.com/
 
Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime!
fiercemamac@gmail.com  
Let's connect on social media!
My Instagram
My TikTok
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TRANSCRIPTION
Hello queens, are you technically out of a relationship with a toxic person that could be a spouse? It could be a romantic partner in general friendship. Maybe it's a family member, are you out of that relationship, but not feeling totally disconnected? Maybe they won't let you. Here are five ways abusers keep connected, and how to mitigate them, drawing you back in. All right. So you were an object to them, something that they initially desired. So now they believe you belong to them. Okay. It's you probably know a lot of abusers are possessive over their victims. And they don't want anyone else to have you. They don't want you to move on. So even if you're technically away, they'll still try to have you connected to them in some way, they need that for their own power. Right? It's not about you. I know. No one wants to hear that. But I'm not here to fluff it up, as you know, right. It's not about how special you are. It's about them having control, then validating themselves, then getting admiration and love or any type of googoo and gaga over them and reassurance it's all about them. So don't forget that as we head into going over all of the lovely ways they tried to keep you and what you can do to mitigate that hey friends welcome to the but still she thrives podcast I'm Christie date adoring wife, adoptive mama empowerment coach and Queen of helping women who have gone through abuse, turn their lives around and start thriving. I know you're sick of feeling not good enough questioning your decisions, not knowing how to say no. And the stress is still in your body and in your life. You're looking for more joy and just some freaking peace. You want to feel confident take your power back and run your life your way. So if you're ready to go from surviving to thriving, grab that Venti Mocha and let's dig in. Do you need help leaving or help healing from an abusive situation? I gotcha. I want to help you that is what I am here for it is my specialty. And I am giving $20 off your first call for limited time. It's empowerment coaching call 60 minutes and then we can go from there. And you can sign up over at bit.ly/first coachingcall. I would love to help you.Okay, so let's dive in number one hoovering. It is just what it sounds like it is vacuuming, you back up in these ways. So first love bombing, okay, so that's one of their go to things. It's, you know, it works on a lot of victims who are empathetic, who are loving and nurturing. Because when they feel love, they give love, right? If you're one of those people, you know, and they can suck you in, by showering you with love with presence with all the good feelings and suck you back in. Part of hoovering can also be this is a tougher one. But feigning crisis, basically, faking a crisis may be really causing a crisis. And that can go as deep and as dark as suicide attempts, or faking suicide attempts can be a tactic. Another is smear campaigns, smear campaigns is when you have gotten away from them. And they have no control over you anymore, you've really released. And so they are going to try to smear your name to other people, they will lie about you, they will expose things about you you didn't want exposed. And this is all in order to suck up all of your time, energy and attention. So the trick, which is a hard thing, and for me in the beginning was very hard for me, because I'm a good person. And let's say with the smear campaign, which actually happened that turned into me being like, like, oh goodness, I have to defend my name right? Like I have to defend my name this stuff isn't true. And that does take up time and energy. So I've gotten to a point in general where you have to let it go and trust that the people that love you and know you will not believe the smear campaign. So that's just in reference to that and the other things, obviously are a little harder with things such as the faking crisis and love bombing, but we'll get to mitigating at the end of this episode. Number two telling you you are soulmates meant to be together. They just make you feel so special and that's so sweet. No, it's bullshit is what it is okay. They will make broken promises, which you've probably already experienced, but somehow they brainwash you into forgetting those broken promises, and you somehow still have hope that they will keep their promises. They've come around, they'll change, right? But they will make you feel needed. And here's the kicker, guys, when you are someone like us who has probably become codependent on an abuser, you want to feel needed by them. And yes, that's not healthy, kind of twisted. But let's all be very, very transparent here. We're very transparent here on this podcast. Okay? So we want to feel needed to a lot of people want to feel needed, you know, to a point, we might have a little unhealthier version of that where with this specific person, especially, we want to feel needed, and we want to feel special, and they know how to turn it over. And yeah, they'll abuse you make you feel like crap, but they're gonna switch that over and make you feel real good and real special as well. Right. So that's part of the codependency, which we will tap into in another episode. So you're attracted to feeling important and needed. And in a healthy relationship. Let's make this very crystal clear. Okay, I'm in one now. So I know the difference. Okay. You will feel true love and nice treatment during the relationship consistently. Okay? Not when the narcissist or abuser needs their fill, not when they need the attention, not when they're just desperate to get you back under their control. Okay, a healthy relationship does not look like that a healthy relationship, whether it is a friendship, whether it is like I'm talking about with me and my husband, it feels loving, it feels uplifting, you might have your shit, nobody's perfect. But you are consistently reassured and feel good about your relationship and feel loved. And don't have to walk on eggshells. If you have not listened to episode two, you can refer back to that to see the different signs of a toxic person. If you haven't checked that out, go check it out after this one. Number three, they will tell you you can't do this on your own. You need me they kind of go back to that knowledge of knowing you want to feel needed and loved right. And they will get into that vulnerable spot and dance around in it. Oh, let me be here for you. Right, they're going to kind of twist it into this, maybe let me be helpful. You can lean on me, they may say, Oh, I'm just gonna be here for you as a friend I understand. Right. So they can drag you back in by playing with your heartstrings in that way, knowing that you are in a very vulnerable place. They know exactly what to say and do okay, these people, I don't know if I want to call them as smart. But they're calculated right? So they know exactly how to get you in, they know those soft spots you have they've already brainwashed you while you were in the relationship. And they are trying to regain that control again. Again, it's not about them truly wanting to be with you. It is always about their need for control. Can we take a minute right there because when you realize that it's tough, it's hard. No one wants to think that. But it does eventually make it easier to get out of their grip knowing that number four, they will blame you and try convincing you that you cause them caused them to act a certain way. Okay, I'm sure you're familiar with this, if you have been through abuse, I would say 99.9% have been blamed. Okay, we're gonna throw it in 100% and if you could just be less sensitive, right? Does this sound familiar? If you could just be more understanding or patient? If you just weren't so crazy, your relationship would be fine. You guys would be fine. This is you. Right? So they are going to point their finger at you and say look, if you can get your shit together I'll take you back we can make this work I want it to work I know we're meant to be can go back to that right by the way, a lot of these reasons are stacked together in their in their plan to get you back right. So this is a big part of it. The blaming, you know the they blame you during the relationship but they will still blame you after and spin it in a way to try to steal convince you that you're at fault. So if you can just fix you and work on you, they'll even take you back and that's sweet of them. So sweet. So sweet. Okay, number five. They will check if they can gain control by sending what we call breadcrumbs that they can customize to your liking. Okay, so you're probably familiar with this if you're on the other side. Then throwing some little breadcrumbs at you. These include funny inside joke, little memes GIFs. If you're are a funny person, they're gonna throw in the funny stuff you love donuts, maybe you'll see a nice fresh box of Krispy Kremes on your doorstep with a little heart on it. So sweet. Not so sweet and the donuts are sweet. I'll say that. But the intentions behind the donuts are not sweet again, they are selfish and controlling. Do you guys have a little love song? Don't be surprised if that shows up in your text message, a little link to your song with maybe a little sad face or a little heart, they are going to get in to your vulnerable spots your emotions because odds are your sweet person, you're an empath. You have a big heart and they know that. So now these things are appearing on your text tugging at your little empathetic heartstrings and it's all a not good motivation that is leading that it is not because they value you. It's because they are trying to control you. Okay, so what do we do with all this? There's no, actually I think there is one one answer. However, it's not always that cut and dry. As you know, when you're dealing with abusers, especially anyone who's violent, it goes deep. So please send in any questions. Again, fierce mama see@gmail.com If you have specific questions, because this is always going to be an over arching general, you know, tips and answers on how to deal with the abusive situations. But sometimes we can get into more specifics if you write to me yourself with a question. So there are ways to mitigate these things. I will always scream from the mountaintops, the number one way to avoid getting sucked in is to completely cut them off, you're out of the situation, cut them off. I know. Again, I will go back to if you are somebody who has children together your co parenting, not as easy okay? This though is the long run easiest way listen to episode two again for more information on that. So another very successful mitigation against all of these is what we call the gray rock method. I will go into this method in detail. I think I'll probably have its own little cute episode tied up with a little red bow because it's one of my favorite things that I learned through my own journey. What is it? What's a gray rock method? It is exactly what it sounds for. I love it Hoover and Greg rock, it's not rocket science.You sit there like a damn rock, you don't respond you do not take the bait. You don't soak it in, that's probably the hardest part to not let it in. But most importantly first step is ignoring don't let them get to you Don't take the bait This is a harder long term because they do not give up quickly. These are some very stubborn mofos out here and they can beat you down you can get beaten down manipulated mine screwed. And next thing you know you're just meeting them as friends for coffee. No, don't meet them for coffee. If you can't completely cut them off ignore whatever you can if you are in a legal situation co parenting you make it a written statement they are only to contact you regarding the children you know have a history you can get restraining orders with specifics I believe I will have experts on here to discuss this stuff further. But there needs to be boundaries in place. Okay. Again, my suggestion is run do not walk to the nearest emotional exit and regain your peace if you do not have that option. I mean legally or whatever if there is truly no other option than cutting off because that's my number one then the gray rock method is what you do you ignore anything that let's say again isn't relative to you know, swapping the kids on the weekend or whatever you have to do. If this is just somebody you're having a hard time disconnecting to really sit with this episode, maybe listen to it a couple of times and write out what is hard and what you can do during that time. Let's say you're having trouble because they are smear campaigning you how can you get support, right? Tell someone close to ignore their smear block them. If they have people on let's say your social media, and they're contacting you I know this stuff actually happens I have clients who are bombarded by family members who have been lied to block them you've got to not let all the crazy in you have to put a block on it and protect yourself you know your truth the people who are important in your life who love you and know you are going to believe you and I get that can be hard. But I will say from my own experience all the people even people who were lied to even just convinced that I was the one in the wrong I was breaking up the family which makes zero sense. Even those people came around essentially. So have faith and trust. That's another thing Being I know God person if you're a god person, pray and have faith and ask God for guidance. If not, if you're like you how the moon at night cool I love a good wolf Full Moon there was just one the other night. Beautiful you can you can talk to your moon, your Moon Shadow all your spirit guides and say I need some help. Or you can just talk to human, your bestie a therapist, a life coach like myself, find support. This is a very, very hard road but you're on it. If you're listening to this podcast, you're doing something about it. And that's the first step and I'm very proud of you. And don't forget that you deserve love. You deserve a happy life and not just skating by not just getting by not surviving but you deserve to thrive. I will leave you with that. I love you. I see you and don't forget your Smooches and deuces girl, if you are over the lack of peace, the lack of setting boundaries, not feeling competent, questioning yourself, it is time to get some coaching. This is what I do. This is my specialty. It's what I love and I can help you more quickly than you think. If you want to grab a call with me I am offering $20 off of the first call. And there are only 10 spots a week and they fill up quickly. So definitely act now if you're interested. And you can find me over at bit.ly/first coachingcall to set that up. I look forward to helping you go from surviving to thriving because you deserve to be the queen you have always been let's chat.
 

EP 3 | 5 Things I did to Start My Healing From Abuse Journey Narcissistic Abuse Recovery for Women

*Top 5% in podcasts globally
Hey Queens!
In today's episode, we will talk about 5 things that helped me heal more quickly in my narcissistic abuse recovery. 
Want the BEST and quickest pick me up?!
My 4 MINUTE meditation:
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider
Join me and other like-minded women on my free private Facebook Group Page at:
https://bit.ly/ChristyJade
 
GRAB $20 off your first 60 minute coaching call with me:
https://bit.ly/FIRSTCOACHINGCALL
 
 
And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;) 
https://www.christyjade.com/
 
Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime!
fiercemamac@gmail.com  
Let's connect on social media!
My Instagram
My TikTok
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TRANSCRIPTION
Speaker 1: (00:00)Hello Queens. I'm so excited you are here. Today we're gonna talk about five things to do at the start of your healing from abuse journey. So whether you are in it and trying to claw your way out, or you are kind of on the other side and starting to heal, or you've been on the outside for a little bit, but still feeling like you just have a lot of work to do. These are some of the things, some tips that I myself did at the beginning of my journey and wanna share with you all. Speaker 1: (00:38)Hey friends, welcome to the, but still She Thrives podcast. I'm Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama, empowerment coach and queen of helping women who have gone through abuse, turn their lives around and start thriving. I know you are sick of feeling not good enough, questioning your decisions, not knowing how to say no, and the stress is still in your body and in your life. You're looking for more joy and just some freaking peace. You wanna feel confident, take your power back and run your life your way. So if you're ready to go from surviving to thriving, grab that venti mocha and let's dig in. Do you need help leaving or help healing from an abusive situation? I gotcha. I wanna help you. That is what I am here for. It is my specialty and I am giving $20 off your first call for a limited time. Speaker 1: (01:31)Um, it's empowerment coaching call 60 minutes and then we can go from there and you can sign up over at bit.ly/firstcoachingcall. I would love to help you. So we're touching on some basic tips today. Sometimes when we're in abusive situations or even after leaving them, we don't really see just how abusive they were or are and just what a huge effect they can have on us. We're so used to having the finger pointed at us, can I get a amen? Can I get a what, what ? That? We sometimes do the same thing to ourselves so we can blame ourselves. Think we aren't worthy, feel hopeless in the end, right? But I have good news. It's not your fault. You're not crazy. You are valuable, you're worthy, you're loved, and there is hope. So when I was still in my abusive situation, it, I just didn't realize it was actually even abuse. Speaker 1: (02:29)Like I wouldn't even say that word. I was kind of in denial about it. Uh, it was kind of all I knew and I thought it was just how life was. It actually took a friend of mine who saw it with her own eyes. It took her letting me know that this was like not normal at all. Her reaction finally shook me into being like, oh, this ain't right, . So it still took years for me to get brave enough to remove this person from my life and a while after that, just to see how deep the damage was. And during the abuse, I felt crazy, right? You're questioning yourself and I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that. And afterwards, I continued to question myself. That is something that I didn't expect. I kind of, once I got out of the situation, felt relief. Speaker 1: (03:22)But something I realized that could happen was questioning myself, getting guilt and harassed by the abuser, which I eventually totally cut off and then guilted by other people. Okay? And that was tough, and I hope you cannot relate to that, but I know many of you will be able to, and I'm going to do an entire episode on this because this was heart wrenching and like blew my world up when it happened because it felt just so isolating and just I finally felt relief and then immediately was getting guilt from family members, uh, multiple, multiple family members, aka a his enablers, um, told me I was ruining the family. I needed to fix things. And that basically I, I was the problem, right? I had to fix this problem and it was on me. Not that he was abusive, right? That was just him. That's still, that's just him, right? Speaker 1: (04:21)Very dismissive. So again, we're getting into the whole dismissive part we talked about in this last episode, and it can run in families. These traits can run in family members and you might see those patterns. So we won't get too far into that, but I wanted to mention that to you just because that is part of the healing journey you may have to deal with as well. I remember, I mean, ugly crying, like nobody needs to see that face, that mascara running, that just the ugly cry, ugly crying on the bathroom floor. One day after I told one family member that I was going to get a restraining order on the abuser and they said I could not do that to him. That's where we need a whole episode, because that is so backwards and messed up. And we are the ones, the victims who should be protected. Speaker 1: (05:13)And when the abuser is protected, it really is heart-wrenching. And unless you experience it, you don't know. But if you know, you know, and you're with me and you're feeling it, and it, it's not a good feeling, but we're gonna touch all that. So after that, I, I went straight to therapy. I was like laying on the couch, hand me the tissues because I've gotta be strong and I need support. So I got some help and started, you know, going in the right direction, being strong. And here's just some of the things that, the tools that I got from my therapist and just kind of doing my own research and my own coping mechanisms, if you will, . But there were five things, there were a lot of things, but the five things that I wanted to share today that I, I did in the beginning of my healing journey was first recognizing the bigness of it because it was way bigger than I realized. Speaker 1: (06:06)Not just the the actual abuse, but the actual healing and the damage that had been done. So you might need to take a minute to really recognize like this is a big deal and validate yourself. Get validation from someone you trust close to you. Like with my husband, I had to talk to him about it, um, and my best friend and I had a good support system. And I also, like I said, I got a therapist, um, because not even my husband or my best friend had been through what I had and my therapist did go through abuse herself. So I felt like she could really get it. And giving yourself grace, knowing this is huge and this, it might take me some time and, and I might take a step back or I might have really hard days, but you're going to keep moving forward. Speaker 1: (06:54)You just keep strong. Number two, journaling the out of my experience, basically, which was tough. This is not fun. This is not for the fan of heart, but actually pen to paper, I take it back, no pen to paper. I put it in my computer where I could lock it up and nobody could see it, where I just journaled my experience and what happened. And that was truly therapeutic for me. I did shed some tears. It was hard to write it out, to say it out loud to even though it was to myself saying things out loud that I never really reflected on, I didn't wanna think about. Um, and that's something you can do in therapy if you feel like you need more support. I did a lot of it on my own, but I also talked to my therapist about some of it. Speaker 1: (07:41)But with her, I focused on, I like to go forward and, and, you know, start from now. So I did a lot of the other work that digging work myself, but it's up to you how you handle and what you can deal with. Everybody's totally different. So journaling though is very therapeutic, so I highly suggest that. Number three, yoga. Funny story. I did hip hop dance my whole life. Yep. I'm gangsta. Me and Snoop doing it up. Um, I hated anything slow. I I quit ballet. It was too slow. I did yoga little I tried in my twenties and was just like, this is slow. I'm bored. But I knew that I had to kind of reset my nervous system. Your nervous system after abuse gets shook. I'm telling you, if you give yoga a chance, and part of it is I think we're just not used to that much calm and it's freaky give yoga a chance. Speaker 1: (08:42)They do have hot yoga and faster yoga. I was like, I'm going for the slowest yoga I can do. I did yin yoga, I still danced, so it's not like I gave that up. I did dance, but I also knew I need something really calming. Asa did meditation. So the yoga was called yin yoga. Now I loved it so much. I teach it and it is amazing. It takes some getting used to, to slow down that much if you're not used to it, but it truly calms your nervous system. So give it a chance. Let, don't just try it once or twice. Really try to do it for a month and you'll, you'll see the benefits and you'll wanna continue. And like I said, meditation as well. Something calming. Alright, surrounding yourself, sorry. Number four, surrounding yourself with healthy, positive people. Okay, this one's huge. Speaker 1: (09:37)A lot of us who have dramatic upbringings or just, you know, kind of chaotic environments or we used to fast paced this and that and, you know, some abusive chaos, whatever you wanna call it, also tend to attract people that are dramatic or are in similar situations. Um, we can attract each other. I found that I had chosen some friends that I had to walk on eggshells around or were controlling, right? So I had to really evaluate who I was hanging out with, surrounding myself with and adjust accordingly. Basically, I did remove a couple of friends from my life after realizing that I wasn't being treated as well as I would like. I'm not saying you gotta go hack off all your friendships. Um, I had specific situations where it became prominent that it just wasn't a good fit for friendship anymore and good luck. Speaker 1: (10:41)No bad feelings, but I just had to distance myself hopefully. And I also had some great friends that I had and I still have, and hopefully you have some great people to surround yourself with, but let's go through what healthy positive people look like. And this did leave more room in my life for those people. So people that are not gossipers, that are not always talking about other people, that's, that's healthy, right? Talking about growth and happy things. And I mean, it could be a surface level of just talking about, you know, fun things like what movies you're watching are going shopping together. And then there are the people that you can lean on each other, but it's not always so heavy or gossipy, right? So it needs to be a good balanced person that you have in your life. Multiple people and people that really lift you up, right? Speaker 1: (11:35)The cheerleader types. I have a couple people in my life that I mean are, are really like cheerleaders for me. And it felt really weird at first because I wasn't used to that. I was used to being criticized a lot and it was so refreshing but also felt almost uncomfortable because I wasn't used to it. Definitely surround yourself with uplifting cheerleader type people that are going to make you feel good about yourself. Cuz it, we deserve it. this last one. Super simple, but that's okay. Like we need simple guys. We need simple. After all the we've been through, we deserve simple, positive affirmations. You've probably heard it, maybe it sounds hokey. I don't care. It's simple and it actually works. This is something I did right away on my journey. I actually recorded my own voice saying, I mean I probably had 25 positive affirmations going on in the beginning of all this. Speaker 1: (12:39)Um, and if you need help setting up some affirmations or you want some of mine, I have some I can send to you. So write me at fierce mama. See gmail.com. Fierce mama see gmail.com. This is all in the show notes, always, um, all my information. So positive affirmations, it really does help you rewire your brain. Yes, you, you know, doing the other work and the therapy and all the things helps, but I found they really, really did help me every morning and every night I would play on, it was just on my iPhone, on my memo notes there, whatever you call 'em, the little voice recording. And I would listen to it right when I woke up and then right before I went to sleep every night, sometimes I'd fall asleep. I'd put it like on a loop and it really did have an impact because the first thing you do when you wake up, you can start going into negative thoughts, right? Speaker 1: (13:34)So replacing that with positive thoughts. And then same thing, your mind could be spinning at night, right? You have all these swirling to-do lists on top of this negative self-talk you may have from the abuse. And replacing that, being forced to listen to positive affirmations really help me and I know it'll help you too. Another thing, if you're a God person, which I am, praise him, go jc. prayer really helped, it's helped me on this journey. It's helped me in everything in my life. I always say like the, the closer I am to God, I've had phases or I've always been close and pray. And, but when I'm like really talking to God here and there throughout the day, having my little side note prayers and morning and night maybe, um, doing devotionals. When I'm in those like really heavy God seasons of my life, which should be always, I get it, but you know, I'm human. Speaker 1: (14:32)That is when I feel the best and I thrive even more in my life. So big props to the big g o d. If you're a God person, if you're a universe person, whatever, I don't, I don't care what it is. Your higher power that you believe in, lean on, lean on that it is there for that reason. And I, I couldn't have gotten through that journey without not just God, but also having faith. Just having faith that yes, I've been through this, but I'm strong enough to get through this and I'm going to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and walk this path and believe that this is where I'm supposed to be, like it or not. And I'm gonna be in a better place soon. So those are my little tips for you that I, as you know, some of the things like I said that I did to help myself and got me through. Speaker 1: (15:31)And if you have questions or comments, like I said, you can email me fiercemamac@gmail.com And I will see you in the next episode. Smooches and dueces. Girl, if you are over the lack of peace, the lack of setting boundaries, not feeling confident, questioning yourself, it is time to get some coaching. This is what I do, this is my specialty, it's what I love. And I can help you more quickly than you think. If you wanna grab a call with me, I am offering $20 off of the first call and there are only 10 spots a week and they fill up quickly. So definitely act now if you're interested and you can find me over at bit.ly/firstcoachingcall to set that up. I look forward to helping you go from surviving the thriving cuz you deserve to be the queen you have always been. Let's chat.
 
 

EP 2 | 5 Signs of Toxic People and How to Get Rid of Them Helping Women Heal From Narcissistic Abuse Such as Gaslighting and Controlling Relationships

*Top 5% in podcasts globally
Hey Queens!
I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.
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In today's episode, we will talk about the tell-tale signs of a toxic person and how to end toxic relationships. Spoiler alert: you don't owe abusers ANYTHING! 
Want the BEST and quickest pick me up?!
My 4 MINUTE meditation:
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider
Join me and other like-minded women on my free private Facebook Group Page at:
https://bit.ly/ChristyJade
 
GRAB $20 off your first 60 minute coaching call with me:
https://bit.ly/FIRSTCOACHINGCALL
 
Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? Grab my E-Course here:
https://christyjade.podia.com/boundariescourse
 
And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;) 
https://www.christyjade.com/
 
Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime!
fiercemamac@gmail.com  
Let's connect on social media!
My Instagram
My TikTok
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TRANSCRIPTION
Speaker 1: (00:00)Hey Queens. I am so excited you're here today. I'm gonna talk about the top five signs of a toxic person and how to get rid of them. Cuz guess what? We don't like 'em. We don't want toxic people around. Newsflash. That's why we're here, right? Okay. Toxic people are most likely abusive, okay? That is a majority of them are abusive and emotional abuse is often dismissed because there isn't that physical proof like there is with physical abuse. However, it can be just as damaging as physical abuse. And many of you know this, some of you are just figuring this out, and we're gonna dive in to those signs of toxic people and how to get rid of them. Speaker 1: (00:44)Welcome to the, but still She Thrives podcast. I'm Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama, empowerment coach and queen of helping women who have gone through abuse, turn their lives around and start thriving. I know you are sick of feeling not good enough, questioning your decisions, not knowing how to say no, and the stress is still in your body and in your life. You're looking for more joy and just some freaking peace. You wanna feel confident, take your power back and run your life your way. So if you're ready to go from surviving to thriving, grab that venti mocha and let's dig in. If you need help healing from an abusive situation or even leaving an abusive situation, you can grab a call with me. It's $20 off your first empowerment coaching call with me over at Bitly, that's bit.ly/firstcoachingcall. I would love to help. Speaker 1: (01:42)Okay, so let's dive in. The five signs of emotional abuse from these toxic people. First of all, they criticize and judge you. They can even pass it off as joking or turn it around and tell you, you are just sensitive, right? I'm here to tell you it is not normal behavior to be constantly criticized and judged by anyone. These people do it as a power play. And if you feel like you have to even ask, are these people always critical of me? The answer's probably yes, and that is a very good sign, right? So you're not too sensitive, you're not crazy, you're a human being with normal emotions and they're messing with you. So we're gonna, we're gonna say a big note of that one, okay? The next sign, they do not respect your boundaries. And you might notice they don't respect other people's boundaries as well, or privacy. Speaker 1: (02:39)So these people are very entitled and really don't give a rat's about what you want. Plain and simple. Often abusers are very controlling. They care about themselves and their needs over everyone else. They often really target people pleasers, people who are very over accommodating so that it is easier to control you so they can cross your boundaries without losing you. Okay? So if you feel like you tell them your feelings or you ask them not to do something and they keep on doing it, or they invade your privacy, that is definitely a red flag. Next, they are controlling and possessive, okay? Everything has to be their way. You literally fear speaking up to them or doing things your way because of the wrath that will come. I know when I went through my abusive situation, I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells. Speaker 1: (03:42)I was scared to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing at all times because I had that constant fear of if I did that, what is to come? Usually emotional abuse for me, there was physical abuse as well, right? So if you are feeling like you are afraid to speak up because of what their reaction will be, that's another telltale sign that you are being emotionally abused. Another sign is they are manipulative and gaslight you. If you don't know what gaslighting is, and an upcoming episode, I am going to be covering all the narcissistic tendencies and gaslighting all of this verbiage for you guys. Um, but plain and simple gaslighting in a nutshell is kind of making you feel crazy and like you're the crazy one. You're at fault making you believe things that aren't true. Switching things around, there's, it's, it's kind of a layered, a layered behavior that they do. Speaker 1: (04:42)But in the end, they manipulate and turn things to look not as they are. And in turn, you feel like you are going crazy, but you're not the crazy one, okay? They know how to get you, these people know you. They know how to push your buttons. They know how to get in, you know, play with your heartstrings and get in there. They know how to persuade you and make you think you're nuts. Again, you're not right. So that is a definite sign. If you feel like you're questioning yourself because you could have sworn X, y, Z happened and they say it went this way and they're believable. That's where it can get tricky because you question yourself. So a lot of these traits will add up together and you'll realize you have been the victim of emotional abuse. And so the last one we're gonna talk about today, these are not all of them, but just five big ones, is that they dismiss your feeling. Speaker 1: (05:38)This is one of my own triggers from my years of being abused, is if I feel dismissed Now, even though I'm on kind of this other side and healed a lot, there's still a little trigger in me that feels like, oh, I just, I feel dismissed and like I don't matter. And it kind of pokes at that wound, okay? At the end of the day, again, they care about one person themselves, not you, not your feelings, not your desires. They will dismiss you and your feelings and they don't feel bad about it. This can get tricky and we'll do another episode about it, but where especially narcissists and just controlling abusers will be able to fake apologies if they are desperate. Usually they won't own up or be self-aware, but if they're in a desperate situation where they need to fill their own need to either keep you in a relationship or have you not, you know, tell anyone and not they don't wanna look in a bad light, they care what other people think of them, then they may do an apology and pretend to care about your feelings. Speaker 1: (06:42)But overall, you get the feeling they don't really care about your feelings unless it is of a benefit to them. Okay, so you've evaluated, maybe you've checked all those lovely boxes, , and you're like, yeah, this is where I'm at, or this is where I was and now I'm recovering and we'll get into that in, in this podcast as a whole. But this is, you know, for everyone to just kind of validate because we often aren't validated. So these signs are for our own validation or to evaluate if you're currently in a situation. So if you have not gotten out of your situation and you're in it, we're gonna talk about how to, you know, get rid of the toxic person. If you're on the other side, sometimes we're still somewhat connected to the person or they're, they still have somewhat of a hold on us. Speaker 1: (07:32)I know it can be very complicated. So let's just dive into the general ways to get rid of this, these toxic people. And if you have any further questions or you want me to cover something specific, you can always email me at fiercemamac@gmail.com . Okay? Keep in mind this will depend on who the person is, your situation, are you living with them? Is it a spouse, is it a family member? Maybe there's younger viewers that are living with someone. So it can get complicated. That's why, again, I'd love you to send me emails with specific questions I can touch on. And uh, we can go from there. So this is kind of a generalized view and tip, okay? So if it's someone you live with and is urgent or risky, abusive situation, okay? Where you have fear for yourself, for your livelihood, I do encourage you to call the domestic abuse hotline at 1 800 7 9 9 7 2 3 3. Speaker 1: (08:30)Okay? I wanna first put that out there because you're in a situation like that, it's more urgent and you may need some deeper support and you can get free support. So I wanna offer that there, okay? If you are in a less risky, risky situation, this could be, you know, it may be someone you live with, but they're not violent. Um, you know, and you're not fearing for your life or anything like that. Or it could be a friendship, it could be, you know, your aunt, it could be one of your parents, one of your siblings. These are some general tips and they're kind of simple, but sometimes it doesn't feel so simple when you're in it. So I understand that. All right, so number one, evaluate if you need to have a conversation or can just bolt baby bolt , because some people we know will not respond well. Speaker 1: (09:17)They just, especially if it's an abusive person, let's be honest, they don't normally hear your side. They make excuses, you know, they're either going to deflect, turn it around, they're going to be abusive, yell, get themselves out of the situation, ignore you, dismiss your feelings. All the things we kind of talked about, why are you're here in the first place, right? And in those situations it's, it's best to just go quietly and quickly. You don't have to have a conversation. And this leads me to a very important sentence. Write it in like bright pink, sparkly marker across your forehead on a mirror somewhere. Okay? I need you to hear this. You do not owe abusers anything. I don't care who they are, I don't care who they are. Someone who is abusive to you, you do not owe them anything. Even a conversation. They have hurt you most likely, intentionally, most likely over and over. Speaker 1: (10:17)You don't owe them anything. So they often come after people pleasers or get away with abuse because they are with someone who is more passive and they know this and people pleasers accept, right? We've kind of accepted things as we go. There's through this abuse and we often are tricked to feeling like we do owe them something somehow, or we're, we are in fear, but we don't owe them anything. Okay? So shake that people pleaser, guilt, shake it, shake it like a Polaroid picture, whatever you gotta do and run fast. Now on the other side of things, if it is, let's say a friend that maybe, you know, they just don't treat you totally right? You feel like maybe they're toxic, maybe a couple of those things are checked on the list, the signs, then you can evaluate whether you wanna have a conversation. I would, if it's a toxic person, I wouldn't, I wouldn't get together in person, honestly. Speaker 1: (11:12)I would keep it to a phone conversation where you have a little more control, it's easier to just hang up. If you have to hang up. You can, you can script it out if you need to. You can just have one sentence. You wanna say like, look, I care about you and everything, but this friendship just isn't working out for me. Sometimes you have to be blunt. Maybe if it's too hard for you to be blunt, I've always been able to be a little more blunt than others. So these conversations tend to be a little easier for me. I am going to have a special guest that is going to help us have these conversations in a much more, um, soft and nice manner, but still to the point and in a, a safe way that you can get out of the situation and out of the conversation. Speaker 1: (11:57)Um, so I will have her on because my specialty is not sugarcoating . So that being said, you don't have to have the conversation at all. If you're not comfortable and someone's been abusive to you, you do not owe them anything. Okay? And some may disagree with that, but that's probably because they're on the end of the spectrum of being a people pleaser and probably been kind of wired that way by someone in their life where they feel like they have to be at someone's beck and call. They have to explain everything and overexplain everything. And that's just not the situation. And if you need support, again, I am here for that. So let's go to the next one. This is really hard for some people. Block them on social media, on the phone, the text, the phone, whatever communication you have, block it. This can be hard even if they are toxic af, right? Speaker 1: (12:53)If this person is emotionally abusive, again, they know how to work you and them having access to contacting you, they'll find a reason to pry that can open with a little can opener. That's how I always picture it. Like it just got this little space and they pry and you think, oh, it's just a little contact. Cuz they had to ask if they could get their jacket back, okay? Mm-hmm. , because they will stick that can open in and pop it right open and dive in. And we're trying to get their little paws off you, okay? Far, far away. So you have to block access to you. Th don't think this is a mean thing to them, right? Because that's where our brains can go. No, this is about protecting yourself. You say you want peace in your life and you don't block them. That doesn't align, right? Speaker 1: (13:39)Think about that. If you want peace in your life and you're allowing an abusive person to have contact with you, that does not make sense. It doesn't. They, those two can't live together in the same space. If you are someone who has to have contact because you have children together, you co-parent something of that sort, yes. Obviously that's a different situation and that's something more customized where I can talk to you about that. Either if you write me an email or, or we do coaching together. So there are different, obviously extenuating circumstances, but in general, blocking is the best way to keep protection around you and keep the peace. Now the other thing is seeking help. There is no shame in the healing from abuse game. Okay? It is, it's one of the things we can go through. It's awful, right? So you deserve support. Speaker 1: (14:29)I recommend a therapist or a coach like myself of course, and one of which who has had experience with abuse themselves. I don't know if all will be open to discuss that, but you are welcome to ask therapists, ask life coach. I'm an open book, obviously, you know, I've been through it because I've found even with my own therapy, my own life coaches in my life, that nobody really gets it unless they've been through it. That has been my experience. So it's my preference to work with somebody who has absolutely gone through similar abuse so they can understand the ins and outs of it. All right? And finally, stay strong, right? Hold onto your boundaries, stay strong. You got this. Build the support system around you. If you need it to stay strong and give yourself grace, you will have hiccups. You might have step backwards, steps backwards, some kind of backwards, okay? , Speaker 1: (15:26)Give yourself grace because it's tough, but you're tougher. So stay strong, give yourself grace and you got this. Remember, you deserve a happy life. You deserve to thrive. Not just get by, but actually thrive and be happy and full of joy. And if you're not there, we will get you there together. And on the next episode, I'm going to talk about some things that I did in the beginning of my healing journey. Once I was out of the situation, some things that helped me kind of get over that hump and into a new beautiful life. So tune in next week, Speaker 1: (16:07)Girl. If you are over the lack of peace, the lack of setting boundaries, not feeling confident, questioning yourself, it is time to get some coaching. This is what I do, this is my specialty, it's what I love. And I can help you more quickly than you think. If you wanna grab a call with me, I am offering $20 off of the first call and they're only 10 spots a week and they fill up quickly. So definitely act now if you're interested. And you can find me over bit.ly/firstcoachingcall to set that up. I look forward to helping you go from surviving to thriving cuz you deserve to be the queen you have always been. Let's chat.

Ep 1 | About Me and What to Expect on But Still, She Thrives: Helping Women Find Confidence, Power and Peace Following Abuse and Toxic Relationships

*Top 5% in podcasts globally
Hey Queens!
I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.
 
In today's introductory episode, I share a little about me and what you can expect in the But Still, She Thrives Podcast. 
 
I know many of you who have (or are going through) an abusive situation feel not good enough, don't feel loved, and maybe you feel like you are running on empty or lost.
 
As a narcissistic abuse victim, I have been through it and done the leg work so I can help accelerate your healing journey. This is my purpose and my specialty with women...taking them from surviving to thriving.
 
You will find tools, resources, support groups, expert chats and my  wild and no BS self lifting you up along the journey! You are amazing and deserve to feel that way. You got this, queen!
 
Want the BEST and quickest pick me up?!
My 4 MINUTE meditation:
https://christyjade.ck.page/insider
 
Join me and other like-minded women on my free private Facebook Group Page at:
https://bit.ly/ChristyJade
 
GRAB $20 off your first 60 minute coaching call with me:
https://bit.ly/FIRSTCOACHINGCALL
 
Have trouble setting boundaries in your life? Grab my E-Course here:
https://christyjade.podia.com/boundariescourse
 
And if you just wanna peek around and find out more about me and my work..check out my website! It's FUN AND SPARKLY ;) 
https://www.christyjade.com/
 
Want to drop me a line or have a question? Email me anytime!
fiercemamac@gmail.com  
Let's connect on social media!
My Instagram
My TikTok
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TRANSCRIPTION:
(00:03):
Hey friends, welcome to the, But Still She Thrives podcast. I'm Christy, Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama, empowerment coach and queen of helping women who have gone through abuse, turn their lives around and start thriving. I know you are sick of feeling not good enough, questioning your decisions, not knowing how to say no, and the stress is still in your body and in your life. You're looking for more joy and just some freaking peace. You wanna feel confident, take your power back and run your life your way. So if you're ready to go from surviving to thriving, grab that venti mocha and let's dig in.
(00:43):
Welcome to my first episode of, but Still She Thrives. I'm so excited, so excited. If you don't know me, I get excited easily, but I'm super excited about this. All right, so I know you're like, well, we're talking about abuse. Don't get too excited. But I'm excited because I get to help women every day in my coaching and I'm hyper focusing on women who have been through abuse, some who are actively in an abusive situation. Um, so I wanted to come on here, tell you a little about myself, about what to expect in this podcast, and I'm just thrilled that you are listening. So I just wanna dive in a little bit about me. My name is Christy. I am 42. How did that even happen? I don't know. . And I am an adoring wife of an awesome, awesome husband. Surprised with all the crap I went through.
(01:34):
I picked a good one. So there is hope out there. Okay, . And then I have a beautiful, amazing daughter that I adapted at birth and she's eight years old now. And I have, as far as career, I worked in television production, which was awesome. I taught kids. I am obsessed with kids. I love them, they're so fun. And I have now landed to empowering women through life coaching. I'm specifically an empowerment coach for women, focusing mostly on women who have been through abusive situations and are trying to heal, get through, get coping mechanisms, get their confidence and their power back, live in peace. And sometimes we think we have to settle because we've been through a lot. Um, and we don't have to. And I can promise you, you can go from feeling like you're surviving or just on the other end of surviving to thriving.
(02:33):
And I myself can relate to this journey. I went through years of abuse. Um, I won't be getting into all those nitty gritty details on today's story, but I will say, um, I was a victim of narcissistic abuse, which I will talk a lot about and a lot of you will be able to relate to that. I know I have an audience that has been through or are going through narcissistic, abusive situations, so I will definitely be tapping into all of that and having some experts on to discuss that more in depth too. The hard part about abuse is sometimes we don't even realize we're we're really being abused or how bad it is because our minds get so twisted up and we are told by the abuser that we're crazy or we caused it or deserve it. There's so much backward stuff that happens with abuse that hopefully, you know, but some people don't.
(03:32):
Maybe one of these episodes will just grab them and they'll listen and, and realize what's happening. So, um, if you know anyone who is going through something you might think is abusive, you can certainly pass any of these episodes along to them to help out. So on this podcast, I will be addressing especially how to deal with abuse after the fact. I will talk about signs of abuse and we will get into that evaluating if you're in an abusive relationship. And a lot of my focus will be on after you are out of a situation. What now? Because it does not end the, the damage is not over. When you leave the abusive situation, yes, you're out of it, that's great, but there is still a a long way to go and I think it can be overwhelming for a lot of people. I myself felt great relief, but there was a lot that came afterwards.
(04:26):
There was a lot of things I had to uncover. There was shame, there was guilt, there was still dealing with the lack of confidence and questioning myself. There was just, there's so much to unpack. It's a lot. It can be very overwhelming. You know, after I got out of my abusive situation, there was, well, there was a lot of wine. First of all, and I get an amen. Um, and there was a lot of soul searching. There was some therapy reversing negative, just negative beliefs about myself. There was just a lot of rewiring I kind of had to do and tools I had to learn and actively decide to use. So yes, it can be overwhelming, but there are so many great things and there are awesome people in the world that can help you along the journey. And when you remove abuse from your life, you make space so much more space for beautiful people and beautiful things.
(05:23):
So it is really tough, but it's doable. And I did a lot of the legwork and that's why I want to help women move more quickly over to the other side of the fence, right? We're not gonna heal overnight. It's not a magic wand, but it can go way more quickly than you think when you have somebody who has already done the work like myself, that can walk you through a lot of this stuff. So I'm super excited to help you guys and share more of my journey in these coming episodes. I am so glad this podcast is finally here. It has been like months in the making, so I'm so excited and we're gonna have some fun. And that might sound crazy cuz I know abuse isn't fun. It was one of the hardest things in my entire life, but it led me to here to help other people, which I'm grateful for.
(06:11):
And I also know that just because we've gone through a lot doesn't make us have to settle. It doesn't make it that we can't have a beautiful, thriving life. And you deserve to feel good. You deserve a happy life. You deserve better than mediocre, just like skating through the day. That's a low bar. We're not gonna do that here, . Okay? We're gonna, we're gonna raise your bar, we're going to help heal. We're going to have tools, we're gonna learn, we're gonna have fun. And you're gonna be a badass queen, okay? At the end of this, that's what this podcast is. I don't care where you've been, you're gonna be a badass queen and I'm gonna be right here lifting you up along the way. All right? I'm so excited. Once again, if you have any questions, fierce mama c gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you. Just say hello and if you wanna join my free Facebook group that's gonna be filled with women just like you, come find us at Bitly, that's bit.ly/christyjade . Come find us. We're gonna hang out. I'm gonna have little videos and all the fun and v i p pricing for my coaching. So go over there. Once again, Bitly bit.ly/christyJade , thank you so much for listening and I will talk to you in the next episode.
(07:37):
Girl, if you are over the lack of peace, the lack of setting boundaries, not feeling confident, questioning yourself, it is time to get some coaching. This is what I do, this is my specialty, it's what I love. And I can help you more quickly than you think. If you wanna grab a call with me, I am offering $20 off of the first call and only 10 spots a week and they fill up quickly. So definitely act now if you're interested and you can find me over@ bit.ly/firstcoachingcall to set that up. I look forward to helping you go from surviving the thriving cuz you deserve to be the queen you have always been. Let's chat.