Tuesday Apr 15, 2025
Why You Are Still Attracted to Narcissists ( And How to Break the Pattern )
Ever wonder why you keep attracting narcissists, control freaks, or just plain toxic people — even after doing all the healing things?
Spoiler alert: It’s not your fault... but it is your time to break the cycle. 👑
In this juicy episode, I’m spilling the truth about:
- Why chaos can feel like chemistry 💣
- How childhood wounds + nervous system wiring keep you stuck
- The surprising reason you confuse anxiety for butterflies
- And the exact tools to shift your energy, raise your standards, and finally attract what you deserve — peace, safety, and healthy love 🙌
If you’re ready to stop calling crumbs a meal and start walking in your QUEEN energy… this one’s for you.
Press play, babe. Let’s break this pattern together. 💥✨
Join my free private facebook page:Grab your Narcissist Abuse Recovery Journey to Peace Call and Blueprint with Christy:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/
Somatic Healing Session with Christy
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/somatic-sparkle-healing-sessions/
My Empowered Boundaries Course:
Welcome to, but rewind reverse. It's not, but still she thrives. Not anymore. Christie's throwing a fast one. Yes, I have changed my title. If you didn't see in the podcast artwork or on the title, it is now called Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. We are getting very clear, very straightforward, so more people will know what my title means so they know how I help people so I can help more people. Makes sense, right? So when I first started this podcast, I didn't know if I wanted to just have it be narcissistic abuse. I thought maybe I want to branch out. And the more I do it, the more I just love helping you guys specifically with narcissistic abuse recovery. I know there are some episodes that will help people still in the mix, but my specialty is helping people who are out of narcissistic toxic relationships, right?
(01:05)
I have a lot of people co-parenting with narcissists, or you have disconnected from a family member and you're dealing with the aftermath of that. Or maybe you are on the verge of deciding what to do and you need a little boost. We're here to catch you and do the journey with you. So the brand as a whole, just not to confuse you, everything will still be narcissistic abuse. I am going to get really into the recovery, really focusing on the recovery, how you can break the patterns we're talking about today, how you can help your nervous system, how you can trust yourself again and rebuild the life you want. So that is the general idea. There's going to be obviously so much more, but really we're focusing mostly on the recovery. So today's episode is why you're still attracted to narcissists and how to break the pattern. So stay close.
(02:05)
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal. Now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.
(03:03)
All right? So have you ever felt like a freaking magnet in your heart has only attracted narcissists or control freaks, manipulators, people that you have to walk on eggshells? This could be romantic relationships, friendships, Donald down the street. I don't know anybody. It just seems like you seem to attract energy. Vampires, manipulators, gaslight or whatever. You're like, why does this keep happening? So there is a reason that this does happen, but it's nothing wrong with you, okay? It's a truth bomb, but the good news, it's nothing wrong with you. But there are reasons this happens. And first of all, childhood conditioning is a thing that is when because of your environment growing up, which I would say a large part of you who have been in narcissistic relationships that were chosen probably had some stuff going on in childhood that could have led you that way.
(04:13)
There is a small percentage that it could be people pleasing personality, but oftentimes that can be caused over people. Pleasers can be caused by something that has happened or a dynamic in a family in childhood. But either way, most, I would say most have unmet emotional needs during childhood, which creates this familiarity with emotionally distant or even abusive partners that we experience. You've either got people who dismiss you or could take or leave you, or you're always last place in the family unit. And then there are the abusive partners, obviously the narcissistic partners, and you really have just this familiarity with and accept that because of the familiarity, it could be, I don't really know any better. It could be like, well, subconsciously this feels safe and familiar to me and it's not your fault. So that's the good news. So the other thing, there's a couple other things.
(05:18)
Repetition, compulsion. So this is where you actually subconsciously are creating, you recreate the old dynamics that you used to have. Let's say you get out of a toxic relationship, your body subconsciously will almost seek out those similar situations hoping to fix it, to rewrite it, to rewire. Our body is amazing and layered. So luckily we don't have to go through it time and time again to fix it. That's where all of our little coping and healing methods and methodologies come into play. And then there's nervous system addiction. This one is huge. This one you may have heard of before, even if you didn't know what it was called. It's where chaos can feel like chemistry, right? Those big highs. It's actually chaos. When you fight, you fight hard. And it's like, I feel like I always mention Eminem and Kim Eminem, if you're old enough to know Eminem, do younger kids know Eminem?
(06:23)
Now, I don't even know Marshall Mathers, but it's those high highs and low lows, and just that chaos is you view it as a chemistry when you've been wired for dysfunction, whether that be earlier in your childhood or even let's say you had a long dysfunctional relationship, a very codependent relationship, and then you break out of it. But there's an addiction to that drama, to that chaos. You've heard people addicted to drama. That's what it is. Okay? So what feels like love is often just your nervous system recognizing it's old dance partner drama. Well, ain't that some shit? You're like, well, that's great. Well don't worry. Don't worry. We'll get help. That's why we're here. So let's talk energy because it's not just about seeing the red flags that you ignored in other relationships, friendships or red flags that were there in your family, but you couldn't do much about because you were living under their roof, whatever.
(07:31)
It's, it's also about your frequency. So trauma actually lowers your energetic frequency. I'm going to say that again. Trauma lowers your energetic frequency, making you a match for who? People who feed off pain, they always say like narcissists generally have a type. It's people they can feed off of and it's off of the pain, not the peace. When you have a narcissist, they have no fun with people who are really feeling healthy and peaceful and confident. That's not a match, right? That's not going to work because that confident, peaceful person is going to feel that wrath of a narcissist and never be okay with it. And again, this isn't your fault that you've been okay with it or you've been this energetic match, right? But it can come from childhood stuff like we talked about trauma, lack of self-worth, and that leads you to accept crumbs.
(08:40)
Can we talk about the damn crumbs, these narcissists drop? I'm going to give you a little crumb here and there and beat your body, mind and soul in between. Yeah, that was fun. Let's not do that again, right? But that's from that lack of self worth. So there's also the intuition versus fear where sometimes we mistake anxiety instead of anxiety. We're viewing it as butterflies because first of all, do you know that you actually have very similar energetic frequencies when you have anxiety versus when you have butterflies and excitement? So the body itself can get a little confused. But when you have trauma and all of the stuff that we have gone through, no one has taught us that difference, and we haven't had good healthy environments or relationships to go by where it's like the good butterflies. So we are mistaking anxiety, the walking on eggshells, that fear for butterflies because that is what we're used to, kind of goes back to what you're familiar with, but also no one was there to teach us that difference, and I'm here to teach you that difference. So stay tuned. There will be more episodes about that.
(10:02)
So this is where you have to tap into that inner sparkle, right? Getting reconnected to yourself. This is one of my hugest things I talk about in my coaching. We start out every coaching, I don't care if you've already done it with somebody else in therapy, whatever we do, a hell yes, hell no system that will knock your socks off. It's going to re-identify you get down to what is a yes in your no, a no in your life. You're going to get to really know yourself on a deeper level and connect with yourself. Again, it's your inner sparkle, I call it, right? You can call it intuition, you can call it holy spirit, activate whatever you want, but I call it inner sparkle. And when you don't feel safe within you will confuse chaos for connection. But when you reconnect to you that inner sparkle, God, intuition, whatever you want to call it, truth to me, it's truth to it's your truth.
(11:06)
It's God's truth, the truth that is you. When you connect to that and you can, I know you're like, but I don't even know where to start. I'm going to help you. You start acting entirely different. And when you act different, you think different. What else? You attract differently. You attract differently, okay, this is science. Science, yay. All right, so that's all great. How do we break the patterns? So now we empower her, that inner sparkle inside of you. We're going to give her some tools and say, let's do this. We're going to put her crown on because she's a queen. And like I said, we start with this. Hell yes, hell no list, revisit. This is a zoomed outlook. Obviously when you work with me, this is very detailed and it will be transformational. It will be life-changing. But I'm going to zoom out.
(12:07)
You can start somewhere. This is your homework. If you want to work with me, we'll get to that in a second. The hell yes, hell no list. Revisit what actually feels good in relationships. And you're using this as your internal compass. So when we do this, this is something you do on your own, but then we also come back together and I help guide you. And if you need help relearning some of these things, I listen to what your inner dialogue is and we kind of evaluate, go back and forth, and I ask questions to get you to come to your own truth, your inner truth, that inner sparkle, right? Then the self-trust rebuild. I get it. If you're just out of a relationship for even years out and haven't done the work, you're like, I don't trust myself. Are you kidding? Look what I put up with.
(12:56)
Look what I let my kids go through. Whatever. I've heard it all. So you're doing some intuitive journaling, re-parenting yourself. Maybe you didn't get parented how you should have. You've got affirmations. I see you, I hear you, I got you to yourself. Do you know how powerful that is to just hold yourself and say, I got you. You were not held and got you. Weren't that the way you should have been? So I got you. Now, showing up for yourself builds that self-trust. There's a lot that goes into that somatic healing. One of my favorite things to do. Your body holds the blueprint to ever rethink. Your body remembers. There's a great book called the Bobby. The body remembers. Maybe Bobby does too. I don't know who he is. I have a cousin, Bobby, maybe it's him. No, but the body remembers. I will try to think to link that in my description.
(13:58)
If not, it's an easy title. Remember, go look on Amazon, the body remembers it's a great book, but your body holds the blueprint. We use breathwork, we use grounding. My meditation bundle that you get free with a lot of my programs is amazing. My four minute start today, I give that free to everybody who joins my email list or my Facebook group. You guys have probably gotten that if you've joined either of those things. It's a four minute start your day meditation. I am huge into meditation. It has changed my life. Don't poo poo it till you do it. And that starts to regulate and recognize true safety. And for anyone who says, oh, meditation, I don't have the time for that. Do you have the time for this? I don't think so. Do you have time for bullshit? No. Let's do a little meditating.
(14:52)
Anyway. So you want to regulate and recognize true safety. True safety. Imagine what that you get to feel that again. Or if you never felt it at all since you were born, since you were a kid, you get to know what safety is. Yes, please sign me up. All right. One of my favorite words in the world is boundaries. I have a whole freaking course on this, A 10 video course. I'll put that in the description box. But boundaries as protection and magnetism, right? We know boundaries is protection. Everyone talks about it. Oh, boundary up, right? Boundaries. Keep your peace protected. Protect your peace with the big bubble. I always talk about the damn peace bubble, but when you own your power inside of that bubble, when you're finally like, yep, I got this. I've got my walls up. It doesn't have to be perfect for it to be successful, let me tell you that too.
(15:56)
Okay? I've had my slip ups of boundaries, but overall successful as hell, the wrong people fall off when you are owning your power, period. Ex point, maybe a no, drop the question mark. We'll not question ourselves. We've got self-trust boundaries. I love that as a magnet to the right ones coming into your life. This is new friendships. These are very healthy people in relationships that want to build you up and want to hold you and say, I got you too. Yeah, you got to get yourself. But guess what? It is icing on top to have a partner that you don't have to walk on eggshells. That you don't have to wonder, do they even have my back? You don't have to wonder if I say this. Are they going to do this right? I mean, we all have our shit. We're all going to have minor conflicts or we're people, people in the world, we're human.
(17:04)
But if there's patterns of just not feeling good enough for your partner, imagine what that would feel like to have a partner you feel safe with and they are attracted to you because you know who you are. That's when you find true love. And I will say that about when I found my husband. I really was very strong in who I was. I had a lot more confidence than even five years prior. And it was kind of like when I finally was comfortable, maybe it's more comfortable, I felt more comfortable and sure of myself. I feel like when I actually attracted my husband, the healthiest human in the world, I still pinch myself. And I'm like, is this real life? But I did a lot of work to get there. I did. I had a couple nutty ass exes. Sorry, exes. If you're listening, you probably know you're nutty a little bit, don't you?
(18:10)
Definite. I can think of one who dev land, some major narcissistic traits, and it was always about him, very dismissive, not very nice with the words. Sometimes I would say emotionally abusive. Luckily I wasn't physically abusive because I would've cry. He chopped his face. But I'm telling you the difference of after I got out of the relationship and I went to more therapy and I started just working on my self-esteem more. And even though I didn't know it was narcissism at the time, really, I wrote a lot. I journaled a lot. I did a lot of work. And I hate to call it work because I actually enjoy doing it, but it's what it's called. Soul work. Does that sound better? Soul work? But I journaled. I went deep. What is it about him? What is he really bringing me? And it was almost nothing, right?
(19:11)
I mean, even our good moments, they were always followed by a very steep hill down. So I'm getting way off topic here, but I'm trying to just convey to you that when you magnetize a healthy person, and I think this is what's hard, sometimes you can't see over that hill because all is this side of the hill. And I'm trying to scream from up here. I promise you, the peace you feel is worth the work, the soul work. It's worth the pain and hardships that do come with being strong, cutting off toxic people, whatever you need to do. It's not always easy work to build a bubble and protect yourself and do what's right for you and for let's say your kids or whatever it is. Your correct, yes, the right, yes in your life, your purpose. If you're a God person, I can speak from the God point of view.
(20:14)
I'm a God person. I walk in God's purpose every day, and I know damn well what is not a part of that purpose. And it's not pain. It's not saying we never have pain, but it is not knowingly going into pain day after day, walking on eggshells, accepting abuse. That's not it. That's not love. And I am up on this mountain up here, this hill, because you can get up here with me. I'm going to reach down and pull you the hell up with me. I'm up here. It is so peaceful and it is so worth the journey. So if you want to walk in this journey, you need someone there with you. I will put the different ways to work with me in the description. If you want to email me and ask more about working with me, I do somatic healing, I do just coaching.
(21:14)
I can do little mix of both. And I have my boundaries course that I've sold a lot of lately, and people are writing and loving it. It is empowered boundaries. So I'll link that and I will put my somatic healing link in there as well. And we can start off with just a touchpoint session. And if you just want to talk and have a free chat, I'll put in a link there too to see if you are a match for what I do, to see where we could go in this journey together. Because I'm telling you, the piece on this side is I didn't know it existed. I feel like it's the same thing as my husband. I always say I didn't know someone like him really actually existed. And I'm not joking or being cutesy and romantic when I say that. Because of that frequency I was at, I attracted some low dudes, some low energy dudes.
(22:19)
And like I said, I got my frequency up. I attracted him, and I almost sabotaged that. That's the story for another episode. If you all want that, let me know in the Facebook community group, go join that. If you're not in it, I'll link that. All the links, all the fun. But because I was like, it was almost like I felt like this is too good to be true. And I was terrified. It felt very unfamiliar. Obviously I'd never had anyone like him and I almost sabotaged it, but I got smart and I fixed it. I'm smarter and I look anyway. I'm so passionate. I'm running out of vocal chords here, so I will end this episode. But yes, I'll put the ways to work with me, my boundaries, courses in there. That is, it drips out every week, one episode or video, whatever, every week so you don't overwhelm yourself.
(23:25)
And it's really, really good information if you suck at boundaries there, it's lemme speak frankly. And if you want to work in more of a customized way, then we can grab a free call. Or if you want to just jump in and jump on a somatic healing coaching call, we can do that. And if you just want to say, hi, I am always available on email and you can hit me up on Instagram and have you noticed a pattern in the kind of people you attract, hit me up, share that with me. And I am fierce. Christie, Jade on Instagram. If you are on Instagram, go follow me over there and say hello. And yeah, let me know. Is there a pattern that you feel like there's a specific type of person you attract? I'd love to hear. Alright, so you guys, thank you so much for being my support on this podcast.
(24:20)
I'm so excited for the name change and I feel like there's also this uplevel energetic boost with it. So let's go rah rah Mbba. Before we have our three outgoing, what is it called? Affirmations. Is that it? Yeah. All right, let's have some affirmations. Take a deep breath. If you're new here, you just breathe in through the nose, out the mouth. That's called a halo breath. My favorite breath. Whoever knew one day I'd say I have a favorite breath. 10-year-old man. Did not know that. But here I am. All right, you're going to start with, let's do I attract. Alright, we'll do repeat after me. I attract healthy individuals. Our next one. My frequency is higher every day. And last but never least because I'm a queen. Yes, shine that crown, baby. I will see you in the next episode. Have eight. Beautiful day.
Comments (0)
To leave or reply to comments, please download free Podbean or
No Comments
To leave or reply to comments,
please download free Podbean App.