Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

(01:00)
Hello. Welcome back to, but Still She Thrives with Kristi Jade. I am excited to dive back into one of our favorite topics here, co-parenting with a narcissist, right? But we, last week we're talking about five proven strategies to co-parent with a narcissist, which is difficult without drama. Can it be done? Stay tuned. So we talked about two of the strategies. The first one was mastering the art of detached communication. The second was boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. And we're going to dive into the third through the fifth today. Three, create a bulletproof parenting plan. So something with narcs, narcissists, I call 'em narcs for short. Get used to that one. Okay? Not the narcs that narc on you, but they can be very good at twisting things and lying, manipulating. So it's really good to have everything in writing and everything very specific. So you want to over communicate in writing.

(02:07)
You want to keep it simple and concise, but really that's the main means of communication you want to do and spell out the specifics so they cannot fuddle with you later. Is fuddle a word that means that I don't even know, I'm going to go back to high school. So like holidays, medical decisions, who's buying? What if you're like, oh, my kid's in soccer and needs cleats? Who is responsible for that? When you're setting those things up, especially, or you're adding something to a divorce decree, whatever, you really want to make sure that you are clear and specific when you are communicating. Like I said in the earlier or previous version of this episode with numbers one and two, you do want to be very to the point and non-emotional, but when you are trying to figure plans out, especially if it's something for a larger plan, then you want to make sure you have the specifics in there so they can't mess it up.

(03:10)
Muddle it up. Was that what I was looking for? Maybe? Alright, so this can include conflict resolution steps. Okay, so these are clear steps in case there are disagreements. What do you do with conflict resolution? Get a plan together, right? And then stick to the plan. These narcissists thrive on chaos. I want you to hear that again. You probably know it, but let's hear it again. Narcissists thrive on chaos structure shuts it down. When you keep things clear and simple, you guys, it is almost like their worst nightmare, but they can't wiggle around and cause the chaos they normally can, right? So an example of this would be I'll follow what's in our parenting plan. Let me know if you'd like to discuss it during mediation, right? So you can point back to whatever's in your parenting plan. And the queen tip here, do not budge without a legal paper trail, even if they sweet talk you, because they probably will.

(04:19)
They try that usually and then they get nasty and mean if they don't get their way. So try to get it on the legal side. You want a legal paper trail? Anything in writing that has your signature on it is gold. Gold, baby gold, like your crown. Alright, number four, this is a big one and I know it's important to you guys because you guys are amazing parents, okay? Who's an amazing parent? Raise your hand. You might not feel like it. Raise your hand anyway, okay? You are here. A lot of you are here because we're talking about co-parenting because you care about your children. I know a lot of you want to stop the cycle. You don't want them to repeat your mistakes. You don't want them to see you make wrong moves. You are worrying because you are a great parent no matter what you have tolerated or been through.

(05:10)
We're starting fresh today, okay? So shake that guilt off and let's dive into protecting your kids from emotional tug of war. How do you do this? First, you be the safe space. You create the calm loving home that you maybe didn't get yourself. If you're in this situation, a lot of times there are repeated patterns, so you may have not had that. How would you like to be a child in a home? Right? Think about that. What would make you feel loved and calm and safe? Where can your kids decompress? Even set up maybe a little safe station for them, even if it's in a corner of their room. My daughter has, right? There's a bean bag and a fuzzy, I love tactile things, so I love fuzzy blankets and she has this fuzzy, I can't think of the word rug. It's called a rug.

(06:09)
I'm having word issues tonight. She has this fuzzy rug there. Pillows, make it comfy and safe. She has books she can bring over there, like have a safe space for your child, but then you're also going to be the safe space. So you're going to not dismiss their feelings, you're going to hear them out. You're going to be tired because this is a tiring period of your life, but you only go through this period once and you've got to show up for your kids and you have to do the best you can to show up for them in a calm and safe and stable. I want to repeat the word stable to you. Again, a stable place for them to have to call home. You want to be the stability, you want to be the discipline, right? Because that's stability. Even if, I mean, I've got a tween now, she's about to be 11.

(07:07)
Does she love discipline? No. Do I know she needs it? Yeah, we have a lot of fun. I am one of the most fun moms you'll ever have or ever have. You want me to be your mama? No. That you'll ever know, but I'm also a disciplinarian and you're going to respect me and you're going to play by the rules and you're going to do your homework. You're going to clean up your masses, but you're also going to have a lot of fun if you play by all the rules, right? So you got to find the balance. But be that safe space. Don't bad mouth the narc. Oh, I know this is hard. I know it's tempting. This is really hard. You've probably already failed at it, but that's okay. We're going to start fresh today. Remember, focus on empowering your child. Instead, focus on empowering your kid.

(07:54)
That's the focus when you start to think about bad marking them, think about what effect that can have on your child and what's more important. It's more important that your child feels safe and loved and not chaotic. You are adding chaos to them by badmouthing the narc. Okay? Don't do it. Three, teach emotional intelligence. I love doing this with my daughter. Oh, it's so good helping them name their feelings from an early age. I know it sounds like all woo woo and whatever. It's this generation. Well, guess what? We need it. Name their feelings and trusting their instincts. My daughter started doing yoga and she was two years old. I started teaching yoga later. She started doing it more when I started teaching it. But at two years old, when I was practicing myself, she would do yoga with me. And even yoga, meditation. That helps them get in touch with their mind, body, soul, right?

(08:55)
That's not a fake thing. Yoga is a trend for a long time for a reason. It helps them be more connected to themselves. You can teach that, right? So help them name their feelings. You can say, I know that was confusing. How did that confusion make you feel? Or dig deeper? What else was going on? What did you feel in your body? Recognize that If someone's making you feel bad, where does that feel bad in your body? And remember that feeling because when you feel that, take a breath and evaluate and move on. That's a way deeper topic, but you get my gist, hopefully. So queen tip, remind your child, no matter what happens, I will always believe in you and love you again. Some of us probably didn't get that, did we? As kids? I know there's probably 90% of you listening, maybe more that did not get told.

(10:02)
I will always believe you. Believe in you, love you no matter what, and you need to trust yourself, right? A lot of us can have issues not trusting ourselves, especially after narcissistic abuse obviously. Alright, so we're here at the last one. Are you ready? Are you cozy? Prioritize your own sanity and healing. Of course, we got to take care of the kids. They're our number one. But in the airplane, if you don't breathe that oxygen, you can't help. And one of my favorite quotes, if you or you can't, I don't even know my own favorite quote, you can't pour from an empty cuff. You can't do it. So you have to be filled. So how do you do that? One? Build your support squad, right? You want to lean on your friends, a therapist, Christie, Jade, that's me, who understands narcissistic abuse. So I can be your support squad, please email me and we can talk about ways to work together or there's links in the description that can take you directly to specific places.

(11:16)
How to work with me. I do somatic healing and I do narcissistic abuse coaching. Or we can do a combination. Whatever you need. I got you. So email me if you want to customize your own thing or check out the links, but hopefully you have a couple friends you can lean on that understand what you're going through. A lot of people do not understand narcissistic abuse and that's why people feel isolated. We've been told that we're crazy or we're sensitive or we're this and that, right? And sometimes when I remember back in the old days, I used to feel like I wouldn't be believed, so I just didn't even want to talk about it to most people. Number two, embrace your power. Focus on what you can control. This is huge. This should be in bold in your brain, okay? Focus on what you can control.

(12:13)
That's your mindset. You wake up every day. You do meditations, you do affirmations. You look in that mirror and say, I believe in you, right? Your reactions. Are you taking the bait of the narcissist with, are you getting emotional? Are you not making sure everything is in writing? There's reactions too as far as if they are emotionally torturing you on the phone and you're getting manipulated and drug back into their chaos. Create a new system that works where you're not, go to that email, do email only. Talk to your lawyers. Get it drawn up in the papers. That's how you're going to do it, right? And your power, something you can control is your peace. You do have a choice. There's a lot of choices we make. We want to put out there and blame everything else. And I know you've been through a lot, but there's a lot you can control. And sometimes yes, you need that support, whether it's your friends therapist, me, a support group, whatever. Then we have the third way to prioritize your sanity and healing practice. Radical, radical. Not like radical dude, but immense amounts of self-care. That's meditation, that's journaling that not all of this. You could do whatever suits you. Prayer, I'm a God woman. I pray a lot. It helps me so much. What keeps you centered? Maybe it's running, maybe it's dancing your ass off to nineties hip hop. That really fills my gut.

(13:57)
So you can repeat an affirmation like this. I choose peace today. Their chaos is not my responsibility. And the queen tip for this, think of your mental space like a VIP club. Only calm, healthy energy gets past the security picture, that beautiful golden bubble, the peace bubble we talk about. And imagine inside of that what that would feel like. Really if you had calm, healthy energy, that's all that was in there. So whenever that crazy ass chaotic narcissist is outside of that bubble staring at you with their big old googly eyes just foaming at the mouth to ruin you and your day, say, hell no. And you create the barriers. And if you need help doing that, write me. Okay? So let's end on a big deep breath in and an exhale. And I think we'll go back to that quote we just did as our affirmation. I choose peace today. Repeat after me. I choose peace today.

(15:18)
Their chaos is not my responsibility. I'm a queen. Yes you are. Go shine your crown, run a bubble bath so you can get that radical dude and protect yourself and protect your kids. Save both of these episodes because you're going to need reminders. That's just a thing. That's okay. Don't beat yourself up. Don't have guilt. You're starting over today and you can start again tomorrow if you have to. Right? Trust yourself. Start trusting yourself. You get in touch with yourself. We talk about getting your kids in touch with themselves. You too, right? I've been going to yoga classes a lot more. I've been doing more meditations and I feel the difference even at this stage in my game. We can fall out of those practices. And I will say when you start at the foundation of such such just solid ground with the meditate and with the yoga being in touch and connected to yourself, things go so much better.

(16:35)
There's a difference. So if you don't meditate, go try my four minute super quick morning meditation. It's always in the show notes and you probably have it if you signed up for my emails or on my Facebook group. You should already have it in your email. If you need it, you can't find it, email me and ask it is the best morning meditation super easy, it's guided. It's me talking to you for four minutes through a fun little meditation. It's easy. It's a great way to start. And then you can build out and do more and more as you get more comfortable. Okay? Have a beautiful, beautiful day, night, wherever you are listening from. And if you want to, I love to know where people are listening from. So email me, my email is always in the description. And tell me where you are listening from. Are you in the us? Are you abroad, overseas somewhere? Where is it? I love to know where my people are. All right, have a good one, smooches Deuces, and I'll see you in the next episode.

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