Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies. Let's go protect our peace.

(01:00)
Hello Queens, it's Christie. Jade, I'm so excited for today's podcast episode. We're going to talk about five proven strategies for co-parenting with a narcissist while protecting your piece. Is that possible? Yes, it is. Well, we're going to try our damnedest. Alright, so you can control your side of things, right? We can't control what they do, but let's dive into the five ways. This is going to be a two part episode because there's a lot to dive into and I wanted to break it up a little bit. So be sure to follow me on whatever podcast platform you are listening. If you're on Apple, if you're on Podbean directly, wherever you are, hit the follow button so you will get a notification so you can get the next episode, the next part of this episode, and then all the following episodes. Yay. Fun. Alright, so let's dive in.

(01:59)
Number one, you must master the art of detached communication. If you've heard me talk about or other people talk about the gray rock method, that is a way, we'll get to that in a second. But using the Biff method, that's BIFF, is an amazing method to stick to when dealing with narcissists of any kind. But especially when you're in this co-parenting dynamic, you have to, are forced to communicate with them most often. You've got a kid together, you're doing custody, you're doing just the back and forth of this and that. There's a doctor's appointment. You got to pay for the shoes. Alright, so Biff B is for brief, keeping those messages brief. Any of your texts, your emails, any of that, your phone conversations, I highly suggest depending on your situation, avoiding phone if possible. I love everything in writing. We'll get to that too.

(03:03)
So there's brief, keeping it brief, informative, so we're sharing information when it comes to the kids. We don't need our emotions all going back and forth. We don't need to get into all the fluffy details and just the emotions and everything that's just this bubbling over of stuff that's not necessary. Okay? Informative is key, brief, informative, friendly ish. I say ish because ish, we don't want to be over friendly with these MPHs. So that's civil, basically, and firm. Here's the thing. You got to be firm with your boundaries and we'll get to boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries is number two, spoiler alert, but you want to be firm with how you speak to them. And they love a good weak target. They love a flexible target they can knock over. So you've got to stand firm and confident, and the more you practice, the more it'll come easier.

(04:07)
It's beautiful. Okay? Document everything. Like I said, I love text, email. If you can go through a third party app like that, I know a lot of my clients end up, we put it in their divorce decrees. You can add things. Whatever you need to do legally, that's a whole separate episode. But really as a zoomed out, look into this, get everything documented, any conversation could end up in court. So keep it calm and factual. No emotion, none of the bs. Okay? Calm to the point. Emotion, free zone. Do not take their bait, okay? Respond. You're sending an email to a coworker, okay? You want it to be polite but detached. There's that word again, we love it. Detached, detached, detached. Okay? I'm not saying this is easy, girl. I've been through it too. I get it. I know it, but I'm on the other side of it and I've become a master at detaching and it is such a freeing feeling.

(05:18)
Ooh, if I could just let you feel what I feel now that I am detached, it's awesome. So an example of that could be, I'm happy to discuss this during our scheduled time. Please email me your concerns, right? Or let's say even brief, informative, friendly, and firm. Let me see an example of let's say you're meeting up to drop off a child. You don't need to get into, you were supposed to do this last week and I just want to make sure you're going to do this and right. We don't need all that. Just say, I will meet you to pick up Kayla at 4:00 PM at this school, and if you could please bring her shoes, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for working with me. Right? The firmness can be in that way too, right? Oh, thank you for, it's like assuming they are going to do what they're supposed to do.

(06:19)
That's also a little tip, right? Putting that in there. Thanks for being the dad. You're supposed to be without saying that. Okay? Remember too, the power of that gray rock method. Be dull, be boring, and unreactive. I go into this in its own little episode. I will link the description box of the podcast, but when they try to make you take that bait, they trigger you. That is the best way to win. We're winning. We're winning. Alright, number two. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Everyone say it with me now. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Alright, one of my favorite words in the world setting.

(07:04)
So you are clearly outlining the rules for communication. Schedule changes, decision-making, like you got to take the reins here you are taking your power back. You are setting clear outlines and narcissists need very clear, clear, clear. No questions because they will take advantage of any room that you give them. That's the same thing with the emails or whatever, right? Anything, when you add unnecessary stuff, they can twist it, they can turn it, they can do all sorts of, you know what I'm talking about? You've been there. The more you give them, the more they will take or twist or make it work for them, whatever. So we got to do simple here. Same with the boundaries. You've just got to create these very crisp and clean outlines of the boundary. Be very clear and you have to stay consistent. So narcissists, push limits. So you have to stay firm in your decisions.

(08:06)
When they see they can wiggle you, they will wiggle you harder. When they get away with wiggling you, they will wiggle you way more. There's a whole lot of wiggling going on, okay? We don't want wiggles, no wiggles. We want boundaries, not wiggles. And then pick your battles. This is tough too. Once we get into this empowerment zone and we're on this healing journey and we're like, look, I'm free of you and I'm not going to put up with your shit anymore. We can get like, Ooh, I'm going to beat my chest too, right? I get it. The pendulum can sometimes swing to that other side, which is great in ways, but sometimes it cannot serve us because then they get even more defensive, even more wanting to go against us. So not every jab they give and they give a million jabs needs a response.

(09:00)
And you are also, by doing this, by picking and choosing, you're also guarding your own energy and protecting that lovely golden peace bubble around you that you're trying to form here. If you're just jumping back at every jab they say, taking every jab they give and feeling like you need to call it out or you need to stuff it down or show them you're not taking it anymore, that's also going to be destructive to you and your kids. So you've got to say, is this something I truly need to respond to? Or not even call out, but change, right? Or put the kibosh on. There are plenty of them. You will need that, right? Some, not so much. Some you can just say, noted, they're a clown. Let's keep rolling.

(09:50)
And then ways to do this with the boundaries. Something like, I'm not available outside our agreed parenting times if they're trying to get you to do X, Y, z or whatever. Thank you for your understanding, right? There she is. Again, the assuming, the best we know, we know. They don't understand. Come on. Like I said, I've been through this. I know, but we're going to say that anyway and keep it all documented because it can always go to court. You have no idea what they can break out next. They got pockets full of all the things. So we're going to end and we're going to do this mantra. So take a breath, a breath, please. I hope you're breathing a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Hands on heart. That's their chaos. I don't have to engage, repeat. That's their chaos. I don't have to engage. You don't have to engage. Isn't that freeing? You don't have to. Why? Because you are a queen.

(11:04)
Alright? We will have part two of this where we're going to talk about creating a bulletproof parenting plan. We're going to talk about protecting your kids from this emotional tug of war and prioritizing your own sanity and healing. Those are all good things, right? Okay. So remember, you do not have to match their energy to win. You win by staying calm, collected, and clear. That's how you win. And I'm on the other side, and I am telling you, it definitely is a life changer when you realize, you know what? I don't put up with their shit, but I also don't have to prove myself either, and I don't have to take their bait. I get to protect my peace. So always ask yourself that. Is this something that's protecting my peace? Is this response I'm giving something that is actually protecting my peace? Is it making me feel better or worse? Am I stooping that they're level? If so, we got rewind, redo. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Don't forget to click the follow button. If you want to work one-on-one, email me or look at my links to sign up for a session. My shit's life changing, okay? I will change your laugh with the help of you. Of course. Alright, see you in the next episode. Bye.

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